Sexual Healing in Agra

11/12/16

Agra to Jaipur

Our last day in Agra and we're off to see the infamous Red Fort built in the 1600s. Good views from it.... If there was no dense smog. It's worse than Mumbai here I think. We decide to walk the way and en route see a man feeding monkeys with bananas.... AMAZING they peel them super quick. We also saw dogs walking along a wall eating birdseed... Some tiny squirrels which are adorable munching, and the. Casual as you like about 6-8 proper parrots munching as though it was totally normal. Brilliant. Managed to get a few snaps on the proper camera.

We also see lots of puppies and monkies, cows and pigs all eating out of the same rubbish pile.

The fort was brilliant and much more impressive that UK forts we agreed. However it's easy to build fancy things when it's not always pissing it down on you!!!

Go for some scran which is a drama as we are totally out of cash. We can't even afford water. We need somewhere that takes card. We know!!! mafia town will help us. Sure enough they were the only joint in town who said yes to card payments after us looking around for 40mins. Go in munch and some random mafia guy starts showing us his amazing coin/ note collection. It was brilliant! Anyway Noblet goes to pay.... Then disappears for 25mins... With the mafia.... I'm worried.

Turns out he had to go and pay for the food 1kM away next to the Taj Mahal and then come back. No reciept, and put in the right amount himself in a basement of a random mans shop. Very peculiar. But he returns in good health if not a bit confused.

Start our hike back to the train station to go to Jaipur. On the way Noblet needs to urinate but thinks he now doesn't want to be like a local... And piss through the fence/ on the wall/ on the street like everyone else. So he goes into the bushes and brings me with (not in an exciting way I'm here to make sure no one comes). Sure enough three drunk Indians rock up I'm like 'smile SMILE' (our code word for smelling danger whilst not creating an obvious fuss). We both have 20kg packs and day sacks.... Brilliant not in a great position to scarper. They come up to me as noblets packing up and are like 'u wanna fuck, I fuck you' we go all Manc EW no move away and by this time noblets back in the game towering over them.... They see how tall he is and leave it.... Brilliant. Maybe won't go into the undergrowth in a hurry until we're somewhere normal. High tail it to the train as they're mooching on our 6 but no further issues. We get to the typically confusing Indian train station. And....

We're on a train IN FIRST CLASS BABY!!! First time ever and it's awesome. They don't stop feeding you.

1L of water
1 tomato soup
1 pack Bombay mix
1 sand which
1 curry pastry
Cup of tea
1 chicken curry
1 curry soup
2 chappati
1 rice
1 asbestos desert (not sure what this was but fiberous and white so asi it is)
1 sweet treat like a pineapple fritter

And probably more which I can't remember. It's a 4 hour journey and is really pleasant. But no WIFI. Meet some former Mancs (now in London) which is nice as they're the first people below 35 we've seen travelling from the UK. India is defs not really on the travelling map ATM. When it is though it will be great as we reckon 70% of people speak good quality English.

Get to Jaipur.

Jaipur is great. Currently ranked 3rd for dogs.
Re-cap on the dog league!

1) Kathmandu because there were dogs everywhere and they were a good medium sized with a bit of fur about them presumably for the cold
2) Rishikesh .... Super chill and very cute (on the whole a 6 on the malnourishment scale of 10)
3) Jaipur they have such great looking dogs with quite a few having a longer hair spaniel/ collie look. They generally all look really healthy but not too fat.
4) Mumbai- all short haired dogs here full of bites, fleas and sores. Not looked after.
5) Agra- by far the worst place for dogs. Pretty ugly mongrels but also flea ridden and starving. A full9/10 on the starve scale for all male dogs and most females looked pregnant. Really horrible and they're all really sad.

Anyway.... It's also a lot quieter than the other cities in terms of horns and general mentalness. They have pavements and the roads are pretty clean. Shop frontage is relatively tidy..,. And they are building a metro system which actually had proper hoarding around the site (first time we have seen this so far!).

They have camels walking in the road rigged up to a cart and they carry packs of bricks to site and other building materials.

They also have horses and carts run by gypsies. Beneath both the camels and horses they have bags which catch their dung as they trot, so there isn't crap on the road.... Think they may also re sell it but meh.

Women who are engaged have a couple of bangles on each wrist, women who are married have like an armful which looks pretty spectacular.

We take a Tuk Tuk to a couple of places due to time constraints.... And think we deserve one as we've been bashing out 20k+ steps most days!
At £1 for a 4k journey it's ridic! 😂

Fewer cows in the street here.

Best thing about Jaipur is we find a HSBC branch which lets you take out unlimited funds!!!! It's amazing, not only that we take out 10,000 rupees (5days allowance if the state has its way) but also it comes in 100 rupee notes which is half the battle (because once you've found cash you get a 2000 rupee note and 500, 1000 notes have been outlawed so you can't get change so then you have to battle to find somewhere which will change it for you without spending it all). So thanks HSBC for doing all right. We actually got so desperate I rang the bank and they said they didn't have a branch in Jaipur and didn't even know there was a cash crisis in India (this is the specialist help line by the way lol!). We showed them #disappointedcomplaintletter
It was a massive branch as well with security and everything not a
Poxy stretford arndale attempt.

Man - no man decided upon
Donkey- Noblet for getting caught with his trousers literally down whilst I was hit on by three drunk men and forgetting the code word for danger!Read more