Relative Miracles

Everything is relative. When I hiked at home, the longest I did was around 20km, with most practice walks were just under 400m altitude, and I was tired by the end. Today i walked 21km and potentially could have walked more. Anything compared to yesterday's 27km in the icy cold is easy. Even yesterday with more steep parts would have been completely doable.  However yesterday we climbed practically the height of Mount Bawbaw, which previously would he a seemed inconceivable.  I woke up this morning after walking back from dinner like a 'velociraptor' as it's coined, with your legs moving stiffly theough your hips rather than at your knees (who knew kneecaps could ache quite so much) and still woke up fine this morning. Only a slight ace in my back (maybe I don't need 3 changes of clothes. Maybe I don't need clothes at all?). Though I can't really talk of pain, because to be fair, it is only day 2 of 2-3 weeks on our Camino.

Depsite it only being day 2, I don't want to leave. Camino is its own culture. Its an addiction. Its a purpetual personal miracle. When I thought of epiphany I thought of a silent self-awakening, but on the most popular French Way at least is a social event. Yet its so completely wholesome in every possible way. When I walked the 'mere' 21km today, I felt good - we were walking with a fitter, younger 22 year old from Washington DC. His pace was faster than I would've liked after a hard day yesterday and when I'm carrying 5km more than him, with 7 years on him to top it off. But I didn't want to lose a friend. And what friends they are. When your conversation starts with a heavy, personal topic such as 'where are you from and why are you on Camino?' you are bound to bypass the aaquaintence stage of friends reasonably quickly. But there are so many reasons why we Camino. Personally, the reason I tell people depends on my mood. But every answer is true. One response is that I am finally in a career I enjoy but its exhausting and I'm terrified I won't last. The next is because of a weird closure on an unrequited love. Another is due to a new romamce and fighting my fear of self-sabotage. The basic reason is for a holiday to do a walk. The major reason is to be rid of anxiety. Everyone has the same mix of reasons on why they camino, which reason you hear just depends on how long the road is or on how many sangria are flowing when you get to the stop point.

My walk today was so much easier than yesterday, but it was a bit faster than I'd've liked. On the steep downward decline into Zubiri I was happy and so relaxed but I lost my confidence. Its very odd to have those 3 feelings at once. I was worried that at the speed I wasnt comfortable with I would have lost my footing (and I nearly did so many times) and because I was so relaxed-out-of-it I was putting my foot in the wrong places and weighting wrong. But I didn't want to fall behind my new American and Irish friends. We ended up having lunch together in Zubiri where me and Katrina stopped, but they walked on to the next town just under 6km further on. Though at lunch they seemed more tired than me. The Irish were gastro and cardio doctors from Dublin, the American is a 22 year old collage graduate on a gap year before a career in finance.

Yesterday was a completely different experience from today. In body, and stamina, and mind. There was no time to be too concerned yesterday, but today I couldn't shake the concern. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Every day is a different speed. Maybe I'm learning that there is nothing wrong with anxiety, it's just about time and place?

A part of me wished I could have rested and gained my confidence on the slippery slopes so I could keep up, however if I had moved on I wouldn't have shared an alburge with a Japanese and a French who are seasoned pelegrin (pilgrims). The Japanese has done maybe 3 Camino ways and the French guy one short Camino previously, but this camino for him started in bourdeax and will finish in Santiago. Another nearly 70 year old man started his Camino in norther Netherlands. He started walking on 3rd March and is only in Zubiri today, with 700+km to go to Santiago. Try to comprehend that please for a moment. How inspiring is the Camino. How inspiring are the people on the camino.

Our seasoned pilgrim friends told us that Burgos is 14 days of 20-30km walking from where we started - around the same distance to Santiago. It's when you have settled in to the walk and have your 'camino family' so everyone has a party when they reach Burgos. Burgos is a big town with a big church. I want to go there so badly. But it might not leave much time for our last 100km to Santiago - you need the last 100km to get your Camino certificate. However after the wholesome and stupid conversation tonight, a stamp seems meaningless. A party in Burgos with these wonderful people seems much more meaningful.

Tomorrow we walk and easy 20km to Pamplona - a large city where we will party with our Irish friends who will leave the camino there, and our Romanian friend, and maybe the American and Irish doctors. We will definitely make other friends on the way before dinner too. Despite the overtaking and overlapping, we all seem to meet at random checkpoints along the way.

When we asked the Japanese pelegrin why he continues to walk the Camino, he said 'for the miracles.' I don't know if, on day 2, that I belive in miracles, but i am beginning to belive in the way of the Camino. It in itself is a miracle. I really don't want to leave, particularly while my feet can still carry me.Read more