Koh Phaluai and Ang Thong Marine Park

I arrived in Koh Samui and was picked up by Jar, my private driver the Airbnb host recommended. I booked a secluded hilltop villa overlooking a semi-private beach and views for miles. This was VERY secluded. The host, his wife, and doggo live on the bottom floor of the villa which is completely isolated from my area. I have my own wrap around deck, outdoor shower, and access to the villa’s infinity pool ($70/night), as well as a 2 bedroom 1 bath living area. A slight upgrade from my hut in Pai.

First day in Koh Samui was spent well. I booked a catamaran snorkeling island hopping tour on TripAdvisor and just like all of the other tours I booked so far on this trip, they messaged me saying there were not enough people to do the trip, but suggested a different tour. I said sure, this has worked out for me so far, I’ll take a private island hopping tour. So this was not so private, 24 people on the speedboat. 20 Thai people on vacation, and 2 German couples. All of which were surprised as hell to see the American, especially the American by himself. The only people that were not coupled up was a older Thai man on vacation with 5 women. He was wearing a baseball hat, glasses, cargo shorts, floral Hawaiian shirt, sneaks. He didn’t stop smiling the entire trip, I wonder why (5 women with him). He immediately sees me and wants to be friends (the other Thai people looked scared of me and the Germans literally wanted nothing to do with the American, at least at first).

After basic small talk I ask for his name and he says, “Call me Add, A-D-D,” and in the 2 seconds I have to think, several jokes are running through my mind but I tell myself, “No Nick, he won’t get it, be normal.” I say, “I’m Nick, it’s a pleasure to meet you, but my friends call me Subtract.” He roars in laughter. I apologize and tell him we Americans think we’re funny. Like everyone else, he says he hasn’t ‘seen an American in a long time and he’s been to Madison, WI (work stuff), and has done a drive from LA to Oregon on Hwy 1. He hates LA; I tell him don’t worry, we all do, he laughs.

Our first stop on the tour was to take pictures around Monkey Island (there are no monkeys, the island just looks like a monkey, see pic) then on to snorkeling. Honestly, I’ve had better snorkeling in Hawaii and the Bahamas but still fun. There are tiny little baby jellyfish in the water (think of Dori from Finding Nemo and the Squishy), except they don’t sting you. They only bop around and look like specs. In actuality, they do sting a small bit but feels like a baby zap. No worries, unless I see a big one, then I’m fucking out (I wrote about my experience in Italy).

Next stop, the viewpoint over Emerald Lake/Blue Lagoon and surrounding islands. You have to climb some almost vertical stairs for about 20 minutes to get to the top and wow, see pics. The lagoon/lake is made from the ocean water pouring through some small openings in underwater caves and since you are not allowed to swim in it (protected by the national park), there are fish everywhere and it’s undisturbed. It’s stunning.

Next stop is lunch at “Number 1 Seafood” (yes, seriously) on an island where we ate the Thai basics and got to check out the Great Hornbill eating some bananas. I called it the banana head bird, see pic. After lunch, we stopped on another island to climb to the top of Pha Jun Jaras view point. I read in the reviews that this climb is tough, but these are just tourists, what do they know. Apparently they know enough, because this shit was not easy. 5000 ft climb to the top, almost vertical stairs carved out of the mountain. This was actually really entertaining because the chain-smoking Germans were dying, followed by the Thai girls who kept yelling things in Thai translated to something like “fuck this.” One of the girls kept yelling “Hiyah!” As she took her steps and I was laughing very hard.

The Germans had deep accents and if you’ve never heard a German accent, it’s quite funny. In an effort to bring peace (remember, I’m 1/2 Jewish), I was cheering them on telling them their delicious cigarettes were waiting for them at the top. If you can’t tell, I try to use humor in situations where I meet new people. We all make it to the top and a guide gives the girls a sniff of Amonia (apparently it wakes you the fuck up), and the Germans didn’t understand what it was. I try explaining, and one guy says, “Oh, it’s like Cocaine.” I start laughing and say yes, except it won’t stop your heart right now. We all laugh and I tell them my funny story from Berlin (this is a PG13 post). We’re friends now.

After getting dropped back off of the villa I order food for delivery since I’m so damn tired, and quite honestly it was trash. I’ll stick to DoorDash, fuck off Food Panda. In all, it was an amazing day and it taught me to be ok in awkward situations. I’m sure I’m probably a pretty cold human when you first meet me but then I warm up, just like some people on the boat today. There are some people like Add, that are fearless in social situations, and I love him for it. Everyone is a little different and that’s ok, I’ll be a lot more approachable next time.Read more