Vain Vain Go Away Pt. 2

The second part of the Brazil trip started with more exploration round Chapada Diamantina and the town of Lencois.

We found a swimming hole/sliding waterfall thing which was cool to spend a couple of hours at. Highlights including Old Yoga Man doing some of the funniest lunging and thrusting stretches which I’m not sure are any form of yoga, and the selfie obsessed girl that so badly wanted a selfie on the water slide but couldn’t swim. Undeterred by this small matter she strapped on a lifevest and got her mate to drag her like a drowning dog over to selfie point where she stripped off to bikini for her social media snap but I know the real truth love...I’ll try and not go on another Instagram rant but sometimes it’s truly pathetic!

Anyway, we just took the rest of the day easy, and generally ate and drank our way through to the time when we needed to get the nightbus back out of there then waited in a bus station with about 10000 moths which of course added to the travel ‘experience’.

After the National Park, our original plan was to finish the trip around the northern beaches close to Salvador however the weather there was still shite so it meant to grant Rose’s wish of having some beach time thrown in the holiday we had to get a 7 hour nightbus, taxi in Salvador, a flight from Salvador to São Paulo (fortunately able to pay a small amount to change to an earlier flight), then a flight from São Paulo to Rio and another taxi to a hotel to spend the night around Botofogo before then getting a two and half hour Uber the next morning over to a ferry point where we then had to catch a boat over to Ihla Grande - dedication to the cause!

The thought of getting a two and a half hour taxi in the UK sounds utterly preposterous, however it worked out the same price as the tourist shuttle service and we didn’t have to pick up the world and his wife from inside Rio before getting out on the road and wasting half the day - so that’s my top traveller tip on this one!

Anyway sat in a bar for a bit where some wasps would not fuck off and then after 36 hours of travel we finally reached the chilled out pedestrianised island just in time for Brazilian Valentines Day...as I planned it right?!!

Had some drinks on the beach, checked in to our nice eco hotel place then the next few days were spent relaxing (as best as I could do anyway...)

Day 1 of relaxing - 3-4 hour jungle trek in super humidity :P It did come out at some incredible and peaceful beaches though so I feel justified for that! We were unfortunately joined on the walk by some over loud and annoying backpackers but on reaching the first beach we were able to ditch them and enjoy some off coconut water in the beaches one sole little shack thing...An hour or so later, we then reached a jetty which went out into the sea and functioned as a restaurant which was a nice surprise seeing as I had obviously planned what we would be eating for the day right (right?!!) and then a last walk to the final beach which was the one everyone wanted to reach although I kinda preferred the other ones we passed along the way.

Found some well deeeeeecent pasta place for dinner which we then went to every night after and then did a boat trip the next day where went to a load of beaches you couldn’t reach by walking (I’d have probably tried) and found this 90 degree palm tree of doom which was pretty epic.

The trip didn’t really didn’t follow the planned timeframe as our lunch option was presented at 6pm where everyone had to jump into the sea and get wet to reach the restaurant and then freeze their balls off once the sun had gone down soon after (then re-enter the sea to get back in the boat when it was night time). The trip back on the boat was then delayed due to the boat breaking down so we basically travelled back at night a shivering mess which put a bit of a dampener (literally) on a good day.

The third day I tried my best to relax by staying on a local beach and reading whilst drinking beer... is this how holidays are supposed to be done, as I have absolutely nothing else to say about this day?!

Once back in Rio, Rose got her wish of drinking on the Copacabana, where we spent pretty much the entire day solely doing that starting at around midday. Found some nice little Tapas place then walked down to the beach, hired a chair and swished back a healthy dose of Caiprinhas from a beach shack owned by some super friendly 70 year olds, who upon paying the bill for the day joined us by doing shots and giving us more alcohol, saying that we were sent from God and at some point calling their grandson on WhatsApp!

Don’t remember much of that conversation but by the time we left we had promised them accommodation if they came to London (not sure if would remember what they look like!) and promised to return the following day, which I still kinda feel bad that we didn’t for being too hungover/wanting to see a few things the following day.

The rest of the night involved in some order Rose getting a temp tattoo whacked on her, more espresso martinis (not sure if that was a wise choice after caiprinhas) and going to some nice restaurant of which don’t have much recollection of and the following morning was a large haze of what happened the night before...

The last day in Rio, and in Brazil was spent around the Ipanema area in the morning, waiting for about 2 hours for Rose to try every single garment on in a running shop, revisiting one of our favourite healthy food places (was actually very easy for Rose to find decent vegetarian and vegan options) and then spending the final sunset going up Sugarloaf mountain....

Ok so one last rant about Instagram and selfies...

You go up on the cable car at sunset, you naturally expect people want to take a load of photos right. Only thing is there is a limited amount of space for people to move up next to the window so it instantly becomes a battle ground. Fair play to the people that get good spots and views where they can actually get a decent photo. Pointless fucking waste of time to those that don’t and are crammed in the middle but still insist of taking a selfie where you can’t actually see anything other than the sweat patches of someone else’s noggin. And no there isn’t any more room for you to push to the front no matter how much you think that’s a great idea.

Unfortunately things didn’t get too much better once we reached the top as this time (when there was space for EACH person to stand) people would still clamber on top of each other, or shove a phone right in front of your face disregarding any form of patience or manners just to get their photograph, of which they’ve probably got 70% fence and a bit of sky at the top as the view is when you look DOWN you moron.

Even Rose became irritated as someone literally shoved her out the way to get a shot. Not only that but the girl didn’t even turn to look at the sunset over the bay and the city and proclaimed she didn’t actually want to stay, she just wanted a picture. Hope she got two likes the silly bint!

And with that marked the end of our trip to Brazil, and what was 7 and a half weeks in the country for me. We had seen some incredible places, eaten amazing food, not really been ripped off, and largely had an incredible time despite being a bit unlucky with the weather at points. Unfortunately the obsession with vanity and social media likes isn’t likely to go away any time soon and it’s hard to really embrace it when largely everyone is a massive bellend with it. I think maybe the next trip of doom should be somewhere that’s a bit less big city, manic, thousands of people, push you to get a photograph type of place... oh the next trip is India you say?!

Until next time.Read more