Jeevanjee

Traffic noise from the room wasn't enough to stop me from sleeping awesome, thank you! Breakfast is included with our room, and the best part about that is not having to look for breakfast in the morning! It always takes us a while to find anything open in the morning and serving food. Today, I just have to go down a set of stairs. Strenuous!

It took us around 2.5 hours to find and book our safari to the Masai Mara. We went with Baboon Budget Safari, it was the first place we stumbled upon, we got a great impression from Charles, the man who book it with us, and it was the best price. And by best price, I mean it's the same price and same tour concept offered everywhere, but they were willing to negotiate the price because they already had a group of 3 going, so we would just be tagging along with this group. There's tour agencies around every corner, and on top of them all, there's touts. The touts were so incredibly annoying. Granted we were the only white people we saw all morning, and the only touristy looking ones I saw all day! We would tell them to leave us alone, and they followed from a few feet behind, then when we would come out of any building or establishment they would pop back up asking we go have a look at their offices. We kept seeing the same 4 guys constantly that we became more direct; leave us alone, stop following us, we don't need your help... Nothing worked. One guy actually responded "be polite please" after we asked him to leave us for the 10th time... Really? Polite? In Canada, I could have you charged with harassment, but apparently I have to be polite.

By the time the tour was settled, it was 1230 ish, so we set out for the National Museum. Beautiful day, sunny but not crazy warm... Downtown has a mix of high rises and interesting architecture. Very metropolitan. Obviously very different from any other big city in Kenya. It is huge, yes, and there's tons of districts... But all the districts make sense when walking them, and we've manage to easily find our way around. It's hasn't felt overwhelmingly big. I was more lost in Kigali, Rwanda, then I am here.

Jack did the museum while I grabbed a drink and read my book in the shade of the museum grounds. I've noticed that I really don't find too much enjoyment in reading info cards and looking at glass displays of old pottery... I just don't like museums. I had myself a wonderfully peaceful afternoon, and Jack told me all about the museum, excited at what she had read. That was of course after she flipped out of excitement after seeing a T-rex statue... The women's love for T-rex, or any creature for that matter, is hilarious. She warned me that she might cry when she sees a lion. I already figured she would.

This is where my day took a not so good turn. But for honesty and transparency's sake, here goes:
It was 5pm by the time we were done with the museum grounds. I had the list of things we needed to do before heading back to the room in my mind and started getting a little anxious. I had a backpack with me to carry our guide book and water for the day, and knew that it would attract attention. I had expressed wanting to be back at the hotel before dark to at least ditch the bag and drop off extra cash. We stopped to have a quick diner on our way back, we picked a place we knew would be quick so we could keep going. We stopped at the atm since we had a balance to pay for the safari tomorrow morning. We still have to stop at a pharmacy and grocery store on the way home, and it's now 545pm. Sun goes down around 630pm, total darkness at 7pm. My anxiety is rising.

My anxiety is amplified when I don't have a sense of direction. I mapped out our way home with my phone map, but Jack requested I trust her directions, as she gets a sense of satisfaction in knowing her way around. At this time, my anxiety was controlled, or so we both thought, so why not just follow her. There's more and more people walking the streets, assuming because they're all finishing their work day. I have to make my way around people and buses and cars to make my way home. People keep brushing up against me, bumping into my shoulders. Knowing I was carrying a lot of money due to our atm stop, and a bright red bag, and you know, I'm white, my anxiety kept roaring at me. I just wanted to get home.

We finally got to our "sub-neighbourhood", Jack said we were close to home and we're standing next to a Tuskys (grocery store). At this point, Jack went a different way then what I had mapped out, so I didn't recognize myself at all. I'm lost. And it's 610pm. I gave Jack a 10 minute limit to get what we needed (she gets distracted and read all the labels and over thinks which cookies to get). Getting in Tuskys, it's just clothing, the food section was a block down the street, apparently away from our hotel. For some reason, going into a store that I thought I would recognize (since it's in every city), and still feeling entirely lost, increased my anxiety x1000. Jack asked if I was OK going to the other, and I acted tough and said yes, even though I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry or hide in a corner somewhere. We walked to the other store. Again, it was different. I didn't recognize the layout. The lineups at the cash were long. There's tons of people, I had to almost push my way through them. Anxiety x100000. I looked at Jack and said, one for word, "I'm overwhelmed, I want to go home". I think she could read in my eyes that I wasn't doing well. She didn't argue, didn't try to calm me, she just said OK and asked if I wanted to map it out with my phone or trust her. My phone GPS wasn't reading, time ticking away, it's 620pm, so I went with trust. It took us 5 minutes to make it home. I didn't stop anywhere along the way, I held back whatever confusing emotions that were coming over me... Once in the hotel I had to take a few breaths once passed the front gate, but knew that I needed to be alone somewhere safe asap. Jack saw it again I guess because as I rushed upstairs to the room, she rushed to open the door ahead of me and I burst into tears getting into the room.

Even now, I can't fully explain what happened. I knew I still had about 20 minutes of daylight. I knew there were enough people around to keep me safe. I just couldn't control my emotions, I got incredibly overwhelmed and needed to get out of the crowds but couldn't do so without walking through them. It was irrational and inexplicable. Anxieties is a bitch. I've never had it be as highly uncomfortable and uncontrollable as today. It was rough. And I'm so incredibly thankful Jack was there and able to read what I needed.

A few slow, easy breaths... A few tissues... A big hug... And I was back to myself. Believe it or not, I decided to go back out there! No way Nairobi was going to win over me! I dropped the bag, dropped the money, just kept enough for groceries and pharmacy, and off we went. We actually got what we needed at the pharmacy and made it back to Tuskys before dark! That just meant one way, 5 minutes, of walking in the dark, in busy enough streets to have power in numbers. I did good! And before any of you avid readers get too worried for me, the pharmacy is because I developed a ridiculously itchy rash on my neck and it's driving me crazy! So I got ointment. That is all.Read more