Fort Thomas

Good morning from St Kitts! We make berth at 7:30am, and it looks like we’re not the only ones here—there are two other giant cruise ships docked today, including the other P&O ship Britannia, which we last saw in Bonaire a week ago. So, there’s going to be approximately 5,000 P&O pensioners shuffling around the environs of Basseterre today. I think we’ve probably just doubled the population overnight!

We’re moored up in the deep-water port, whereas the other two seem to be docked nearer to the town centre. Our tour is being shared between the two boats today, so we’ve already been informed there’s likely to be delays to the itinerary while we drive over to Britannia to pick up the other guests.

St Kitts and Nevis (pronounced knee-vis, by the way, because it’s from the Spanish name for the island, Nuestra Señora de las Nieves—Our Lady of the Snow) is a two-island nation of 54,000 people, located in the Leeward Islands chain of the Lesser Antilles. As a nation in the Commonwealth realm, Queen Elizabeth is head of state here, although it gained its independence from Britain 34 years ago. The islands are known for their rainforest mountains, and it is to those that we are heading today.

There’s an old lady that has been on a few of our tours recently, that my dad has nicknamed Nora Batty. Not so much in looks, but close your eyes and listen and she’s a dead ringer. Anyway, today she was heard moaning that she’s not seen a single Union Jack flying here. I’m not sure where she thinks she is. The island has been independent for over three decades and has a perfectly good flag of its own. Are we to presume she would have the same complaint on arrival into Canada? This is the mentality that we’re dealing with on here, folks. Little Britain at sea.

Our shuttle bus takes us around to where the other two ships are docked—there are thousands of people streaming off into town. This is a literal invasion! Our first surprise is that we’re being taken to the rainforest in open-air trucks. We certainly weren’t expecting this! I’m delighted, but as usual there’s the usual contingency of whingers, who want to be carried round the world on a gilded throne. These guys have no spirit of adventure whatsoever!

Our guide, Winston, takes us on a northbound circuit of the island’s only main road, which hugs the coast all the way around. Thankfully, St Kitts & Nevis escaped most of the damage levelled upon neighbouring islands by Hurricane Irma last year.

Our first stop is at a batik factory. I’m not remotely interested in fabric production, but the grounds in which it sits are really pretty. So, I wander around for a while and find a nice little bar overlooking the rainforest, through which we’ll soon be trekking. There are some lovely little birds flitting around, but mum has the binoculars and I lost her in the batik showroom.

After 30 minutes, we assemble to begin the rainforest trek. The guides serve us all up a cup of fruit juice (for energy, they insist) and ask us to take a wooden staff. Were told we’ll need these, which is a little ominous—I’d not signed up for anything requiring equipment!

Nevertheless, this was described as ‘high activity’ in the brochure, so true to form there’s a woman on the tour who has recently had both hips replaced, and a guy with an unfortunate combination of Alzheimer’s and poor balance control. God help us.

Now, if I have a complaint (though believe me, compared to my fellow passengers, I never complain!), it’s that this area is somewhat overused. The spot where the trail starts is also the starting point for a jungle canopy zip-line experience, and for an ATV off-road adventure. When I bought a ticket for a rainforest walking tour, I kind of had romantic notions of listening to the soothing sound of birdsong or the chattering of monkeys—not waiting for zip-lines of screaming humans to go sailing by, drowned out only by the roar of buggy motors, or the horns of yet more trucks delivering yet more people. I suspect our chances of seeing anything more exciting than the arse of the person in front of us are practically zero. Alas.

The walk itself was in beautiful surroundings, with lush green vegetation around us on all sides. Some sections of the path were very tricky though. I’m routinely surprised that the excursions desk oversells the dangers of walking around in the ports, yet seems to undersell the dangers of sandal-wearing septuagenarians slipping off mountain trails. We’re only half an hour in when Mrs New-Hips takes a tumble. Thankfully, it’s into an accommodatingly bushy thicket, so she’s unharmed. Nor are we helped by a burst water main up the hill (one of the islands water sources is nearby and the water is pumped through the forest to the town below), which has created a fresh stream for us to jump across. This is beyond the capabilities of Captain No-Balance, so he has to just wade through it in his shoes.

Our guide is very knowledgeable about the local ecosystem, explaining to us in great detail what we are seeing. Well, he is for those who are listening—I’m at the back of the group attempting to flirt with our tour escort (to absolutely no avail).

As we emerge from the forest, I hear a strange buzzing sound overhead, like a swarm of bees. Excited, I look up. Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

No, it’s a tit on a high wire.

Back at base, the ice-cold fruit juice is very well received, and even more so when one of the drivers produces a few bottles of rum to add to it. Once the cups are drained, it’s back on the truck for the ride back into town. On arrival back in Basseterre, we can either get on another bus which will take us back to the ship, or stay in town and catch a later shuttle bus. Dad is ready to go back, but Mum and I opt for the latter, and spend half an hour wandering around the port, mooching around the shops. To be fair, we drove back through the town in the truck and saw pretty much all there is to see, so I don’t feel the need to dash around on foot.

The port area is buzzing. People are spilling out of the bars and dancing in the street, and the music is thumping. We wander around for a short while, pick up a few souvenirs and then head back to the shuttle bus.

At 6pm, we pull away from Basseterre and begin our westward journey to our final Caribbean destination, Antigua.Read more