Cremin

We are both less than impressed with our 06:15 alarm call. It’s a necessary evil though, as we’ve a long drive ahead of us. After our Las Vegas / California road trip in 2021, I reflected that somewhere around 4 1/2 to 5 hours should be the limit of what we attempt in a single day. I’m testing the reaches of that today, with a drive of 4 and a bit hours down to Umzolozolo, the safari lodge that will be our overnight stop. We’re both a bit more organised than we give ourselves credit for, and are ready to check out by 07:30. We’ve done a decent job of rinsing the hotel bars and restaurant while we’ve been here. We’re both pleasantly surprised to find that our total sundries bill is a shade over £70.

I’m not normally a fan of motorways, and typically much prefer the road less travelled, to the one infested with idiots that make the average journey a pain in the ass. Today though, we’re covering a shade over 400km, and have a relatively narrow arrival window - after 12:30, but before lunch at 13:00, so motorway it is. We head off at a steady 120 km/h (the speed limit) on the mighty N3 between Joburg and Durban. The car intermittently beeps at us, and it takes us longer than it strictly should to figure out that this is the automated toll pass letting us know we’ve passed a toll point, and have been automatically charged. Further down the road, there are toll booths to pass through, but closer to Joburg, it’s a highly efficient automatic system. Driving down the N3 evokes memories of a similar trip 20 or so years ago, LONG before the advent of average speed controls and electronic toll gates, of 160 km/h cruising speeds to shorten the mammoth distances between stops, of a fairly lax attitude to the so-called alcohol driving laws… Our journey today is a somewhat more sensible affair. Highway driving in South Africa is, it turns out, a much less stressful experience than the UK. For a start, there are WAY fewer vehicles on the road. Secondly, the roads are pretty simple and straight (pardon the pun) forward. There are stretches where the road disappears in a straight line into the horizon 20-30km away. Some find the lack of corners at best boring, and at worst stupefying. I am not amongst them. After 2 hours, we’ve covered more than half the distance.

We leave the highway maybe 20kms from our lodge. After 10 of those kilometres, we turn off onto a dirt road, which takes us deep into Nambiti private game reserve. The road is, well - let’s not call it names. It’s a rocky, slippery track, with hidden pot holes and the occasional ditch. We’re in a small Suzuki. The two do not mix brilliantly. We take it fairly steadily, but there are still a couple of hairy moments. We’re both pretty pleased when we arrive at the park gate. Parking up, we’re met by our driver, Lymon, who drives us the last couple of clicks to our lodge.

Oh. My. God. This place is freaking amazing. Our last safari experience in South Africa was at Kruger, a place I’ve visited many times, and which I love. It’s intentionally targeting the mass market, with accommodation options from as little as £10 per night. It’s usually self-catered, with a small cafe and restaurant for those not fussed with cooking. Kruger has paved roads, and you’re as likely to find folks driving themselves around the park as taking an organised game drive. One of the big rest stops in Kruger will likely have 200-300 people staying at any one time, and there are 10+ such big rest stops across the park. Umzolozolo has 5 rooms. On arrival, we’re greeted by the team singing a song of welcome in Zulu. We’re welcomed by name by every member of staff, wherever we go. They even spell Vicki’s name correctly. We grab a much deserved drink, before tucking into a fabulous lunch. We’re taken to our room, which is spectacular. An incredible view over the game park valley, a stunning plunge pool, a bathroom that is quite a lot bigger than is strictly necessary, an outdoor his and hers shower… We have a couple of hours before our afternoon game drive. I spend some of it in the plunge pool. We’re conscious that our game drive is three hours long, and there’s not always a great place to use the bush bathroom, so we’re somewhat parsimonious with our liquid intake. I reason that wine is a dehydrating agent, so it’ll probably all be fine…

Lymon collect us and our sundowner coolbox just before 16:00. We were asked earlier what we’d like to drink at the rest stop during our game drive. Savanna for me, G+T for Vicki. Another couple were due to join us in Lymon’s truck, but have decided to rest this evening (the guy is ensconced in a Premier League game…), so we have the luxury of our own personal driver. Lymon asks what we’d most like to see during our stay. Our last safari together in Kruger was great, but lacked one game experience - big cats. He nods, and we head off into the park.Read more