Overlanding from Nairobi to Namibia
  • Day1

    Nairobi

    September 16, 2019 in Kenya ⋅ ⛅ 24 °C

    The start of our grand African adventure.

    We arrive into Nairobi airport, a little nervous as we don’t have visas, and are hoping that we can get them on arrival (information about the East Africa Visa in Kenya is very scarce). Luckily, after being sent to three different people, the immigration officer gives us the visa.

    When we were flying over Nairobi, we were struck by how beige and dry it looked. It was news to us then that our driver announced that it’s currently the rainy season. As proof, he points to what seems to be the only green bush for miles around and exclaims “look at how green it is!” Maybe it’s all relative.

    We didn’t end up doing much today. We had our first Tusker lagers on the rooftop of our accommodation, and watch the giant birds (which we later discover to be the disconcertingly hideous Maribou storks) circle the city. Afterwards we had an early night, pooped from our flights.
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  • Day2

    The city of traffic: Nairobi

    September 17, 2019 in Kenya ⋅ ⛅ 24 °C

    Started the day off early with a hearty breakfast on the rooftop. It’s clear the rest of the city woke up way before us as the streets below are already hustling and bustling.

    We decide to spend the day exploring Nairobi and decide to set off on foot. The receptionist has kindly given us a map to the big attractions in Nairobi: the National Museum and Snake Park. Thankfully it’s a two in one package so we manage to visit both in the matter of a few hours.

    Throughout the museum now stuffed animals haunt the hallways with their fake eyes and awkward poses. In snake park, we’re told of all the animals that are edible and inedible. Seems that the black mamba didn’t make the cut for edible but we were slightly grateful for that.

    Leaving the museum we are stopped by the security guard and informed that she can’t let her brother and sister walk around Nairobi. We simply must get a taxi she says! (Obviously in kahoots wifh the taxi driver). Reluctantly we get inside and are automatically filled with regret as we are stuck in traffic for almost an hour when the walk would have taken maybe 10 minutes.

    We arrive somewhat near our desired destination: Swahili Plate. But not before one of the “brokers” from the “Masai Market” spots us and offers his assistance to get us where we want to be. In return, he’ll help us navigate the market once we’ve finished our meal.

    Naturally, we take our time eating. We’ve heard the rumours that a fake market had been set up in the city centre and the “brokers” would take you around to buy overpriced souvenirs and take a cut out of the cost. No thank you.

    We think we’ve spent long enough eating our first of many beans and rice meals and can’t see the broker in sight. So we decide to make a start out of the restaurant. Within seconds there he is by our side attempting to lead us to the market. Picking up speed we essentially run away from him with some excuse that we need to get back to the hotel as we have no money. Thinking we’ve lost him, we head toward the nearest ATM to get some extra cash to spend at the real Masai Market. Unfortunately, our friend didn’t seem to get the hint and continued to follow us. Opting out of getting some money out, we continue our journey toward the God’s Corner to visit one of the local Catholic Churches. Nobody can harass you at a church, right?

    We end our walking tour of the day by visiting the true Masai Market and almost immediately regret it as we step in. It’s shocking how many vendors can sell identical merchandise. We spend all our money on a knockoff Kenya football jersey and a card with an elephant on it. Forced into trying on authentic Masai cloaks, we dress in these two but leave in an argument with the vendors as we refused to spend $150 USD on what looked to be a checkered oversized scarf.

    We escape the hustle and bustle of the city by returning to the hidden rooftop. As we clink our glasses to celebrate the end to our first day we hear a man repeatedly scream in the alley below. Welcome to Nairobi.
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  • Day3

    Maasai Mara Day 1

    September 18, 2019 in Kenya ⋅ ⛅ 28 °C

    Today we’re off to the Maasai Mara, one of the great national parks of Kenya (IF NOT THE WORLD!!!). Our day starts early with breakfast at the crack of dawn as we’re told we need to be down in the centre of town for a 7am set off. Naturally, we arrive right on time only to wait there for another 2 hours before setting off.

    We’ve joined a low budget tour which means we are cramped into what looks like a small minivan has been transformed into a makeshift safari car. Our driver is Richie who never fails to disappoint us with his jazzy jacket.

    We arrive at the camp and are pleasantly surprised to learn that we each have our own tents that come equipped with their own private washroom and shower. The manager warns to keep our tents closed to prevent monkeys from burgling our things. Chris tries to make a joke, and asks whether the monkeys will take our camera to sell at the market, but the manager just responds by saying “monkeys don’t need money”. The warning quickly proves itself to be prescient, when one monkey storms into our tent, scaring Katie, and setting off with Chris’ banana. So it’s food that they want.

    This time of the year brings the Great Migration to Kenya, where millions of wildebeests cross from the Masai Mara into the Serengeti (the Tanzanian side of the park). Fortunately, this means we’ll be able to spot many animals during our game drives. But unfortunately, it means we’re joined by hundreds of other tourists who are here to do the same.

    Within minutes of driving into the park we are able to spot two cheetahs on the hunt for their evening tea. By tracking them with all the other cars (which means waiting in a long queue as well), we’re able to see them in action. They spend a good few minutes posing for a photo shoot (or maybe preparing for the hunt- I’m not David Attenborough), and dart into the herd of wildebeest and take one down. I’ve read about the sheer speed of cheetahs in books and on websites, but it’s another thing to behold in real life. There was no grand chase, just a 65km/h yellow blur, then a dead wildebeest. It’s nature at it’s most raw and exhilarating. And we can't wait to see more tomorrow.
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  • Day4

    Maasai Mara: Day 2

    September 19, 2019 in Kenya ⋅ ☀️ 27 °C

    Another early start. This is starting to feel like a theme to our African journey. But, we don’t mind the 5am wake up call since we’ll be spending the whole day in the park on safari and get to see the colourful sunrise over the Maasai Mara.

    Almost immediately after leaving our accommodation our van is surrounded by a herd elephants. Turning off the engine, we silently watch these magnificent beasts munching down on their morning grub, leafs. One lets out a big fart and we all giggle like school kids.

    Venturing into the park we come across a herd of lions also enjoying their morning meal. Unlike the elephants they’ve opted out of the vegetarian option and have instead selected a wildebeest from the a la carte menu. A pack of hyenas can be seen on the sidelines hoping to get some of the leftover scraps. Their joined by a flock of vultures that circle over head and hangout in the trees. Are we in the Lion King or what?!

    Richie is on the radio talking to the rangers about what animals they’ve found. It seems to be protocol that you let the other drivers know if you’ve spotted something big. He puts the car in drive and speeds through the dirt roads of the park. Something good has obviously been spotted and our adrenaline is pumping. As we rush to follow the queue of cars, we’re told there’s a leopard in a tree. There are hundreds of trees that are about 300 metres away though. So it’s a bit difficult to actually see this sleeping leopard without superhero vision.

    By luck, another leopard was spotted a few kilometres away in a dried up river bed. On our way there we are able to see hundreds of zebra, wildebeest, buffalo, and impala. It’s quite impressive but hard to appreciate them as they’re literally everywhere and don’t appear to be quite as majestic as a leopard.

    After queuing up to see the leopard, we go on a mad hunt for a rhino. We spot something in the distance and drive forward to investigate only to find a decaying buffalo on the ground. Oh well. We’ve heard their quite difficult to come by in the Maasai Mara as they usually hangout in the Tanzanian side in the Serengeti, so we aren’t too disappointed when we can’t find one. This doesn’t stop Richie from going off road and driving like a mad man through the bush.

    As we bump along in the back, slightly concerned that Richie might hit a hidden animal, the radio goes mad. Could it be a rhino? As we speed through the bush we spot some other jeeps in the distance. Damn, we think. They beat us here. Richie tells us its unfortunately not a rhino but a bush leopard that is quite rare to see. Unfortunately, it’s laying down under a tree so it’s difficult to see. As we all try to lean our heads out of the car to get a glimpse, Richie proceeds to drive through the bush, right past all the other vehicles in the queue to get right next up next to the leopard. We can tell by the yelling at the radio that the other guides are not impressed by this maneuver that Richie pulled.

    Driving off to avoid any conflict, we pull up next to an almost-dry riverbed where hundreds of wildebeest are gathered. It seems they are trying to make their way down into the riverbed to quench their thirst and begin their trek to the Serengeti. Timid animals, it takes one to lead the herd down the hill into the riverbed. Any sense of danger or hesitation leads the pack to retrieve their steps and head back up the hill and away from their destination point. We watch this back and forth happen for about 20 minutes. All seems to be going well when a good portion of the pack make it down the hill and gather in the riverbed with their friends. It’s precisely at this time of confidence that another safari truck proceeds to drive through the pack, thereby causing a chain reaction of fear among the herd. All those who made it to the riverbed are now sprinting back up the slope to rejoin the pack. Better luck next time we suppose. But we can’t help feeling a sense of guilt as we saw first hand how safaris are disrupting nature and it’s wildlife.

    We’re starving by this point so we set off to the river to have our lunch. Here, we are joined by hippos and alligators that we watch from afar while enjoying our packed lunch (a bread roll with butter since that’s what vegetarians in Africa eat). The predators below aren’t half as scary as the vervet monkeys that want to get their hands on our food though. Thankfully, the rangers who are there to take us on a walking tour are also trained experts in scaring monkeys away so none of them get their hands on our plentiful lunch.

    The ranger that leads our group has a monotone voice and bears no smile on our face. He lets us know almost immediately that tips for the rangers are encouraged. As he leads us down the path and to a bridge where we can take some photos we are told limited facts about the wildlife and about his role as a ranger. We learn that you have to take a course for a year before coming a ranger and you must be from Kenya. This is disappointing news for Chris who is dressed in the same outfit as the park rangers and was hoping for an uncomplicated career change.

    Nearing the end of the day we set back towards the entrance of the camp. On our way we are mesmerized by the site of a dead zebra on the ground that’s attracted vultures from far and wide. They’ve managed to peck open the zebras body and one bird even proceeds to stick its head in so deep that half of its body disappears into the carcass. As disgusting as it was to see we couldn’t take our eyes off it. If only Sir David Attenborough was here to narrate this magnificent scene.

    Just when we think the day can’t get better we pull up directly next to a family of lions. Our presence doesn’t seem to disturb them too much as they continue napping. Richie turns off the car as silences the radio. Instead of letting the other drivers know of our discovery he lets us have this moment just to ourselves with the lions.

    A similar moment happens again not too far away when our car is surrounded again by a family of elephants. It’s amazing, yet terrifying, when they come within feet of the car. We all keep quiet and watch in awe as the elephants set off into the sunset.

    Our day draws to close sitting around the camp fire with a cold tusker lager in hand. Some men from the Maasai tribe join us and tell us about their cultural traditions. They reminisce about the days in which young boys were forced to live in the bush and could only return when they killed a lion. Returning to the village with the mane, they were officially transformed into men. Although this practice is no longer prohibited as lions are now protected, the Maasai still pride themselves on this tradition. When we ask them some questions about when this practice stopped or what they do now to become men, each Maasai had different answers. Instead they directed the conversation towards buying souvenirs from them.

    Although it’s not even 8pm, we decide to retire to bed to avoid this conversation. Tired from the long day, we fall asleep almost instantly.
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  • Day5

    Maasai Village

    September 20, 2019 in Kenya ⋅ ☀️ 17 °C

    Today we are brought to the Maasai Village where we are provided with the opportunity to view up close the culture and lifestyle of the Maasai people.

    One of the members of the village, a medicine man, meets us at our camp to walk us there. On the way he tells us about the natural herbs they use for medicine and that we will have to make a donation to the village in order to enter. Don't worry he says, you can pay whatever you want but normally people pay 500 Kenyan Shilling per person (about 5 USD) which we decide to pay each. Another couple in our group tried to pay less, but were barred from entering until they paid 500 each. Guess it wasn't as optional as the medicine man let on.

    Our visit starts with a traditional dance where the Maasai men have a jumping competition. The men in our group are strongly encouraged to join in the competition as they are forced into the jumping circle and the traditional dress, a colourful cloth, is thrusted upon them. Chris manages to jump pretty high but unfortunately, misses out on being crowned the winner. A little aggrieved, Chris asks who the winner is. 'Him over there,' our guide says as he points into the throng of the Maasai men. It's left unclear who this supposed winner might be. However, we're left with the strong feeling that this 'competition' is rather a choreographed routine that is played out several times a day.

    We then get a tour around the village and are assigned a host who will show us their home. Since there is no electricity, we use the flashlight on our phone to guide us through the dark, narrow hallway that leads us to the cooking area where we find his wife (who is sporting a lovely Pikachu shirt) cooking. We sit in total darkness, and are told to take a picture of the interior. Chris reluctantly turns the flash on his camera and takes a snap. The picture, of a previously unseen boy, sitting miserably in the corner, is one of the most depressing photos we have ever taken.

    Eager to get outside, we follow our host to his 'backyard' where several of his other buddies join us. They proceed to surround us in a circle and show us some 'traditional' jewelry that we can buy to support their family. We tell them that we're not interested, and the circle gets tighter around us, blocking off the exits. A copper bracelet is clamped around Chris' wrist, and we are forced to negotiate for it, eventually buying it for an embarrasingly large sum, but at least we've bought our freedom from the backyard, and we are allowed to rejoin the tour group.

    A final stop on the tour is the school, the construction of which is funded by our entrance fees. We wonder, therefore, why the side says "FUNDED BY THE GOVERNMENT OF KENYA". We decide not to ask.

    Herded into the headmaster's office, we are invited to sit and sign the guestbook. Once we've signed it, we are invited to donate money to support the school. "But we've already paid our entrance fee to support the school!", we protest. "Ah," comes the reply, "but this donation is for the school lunches!". We stand our ground and refuse to pay any more.

    We leave with a tacky copper bracelet, a hole in our wallets, and no more of an understanding of Maasai culture.
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  • Day6

    Nairobi to Mombasa

    September 21, 2019 in Kenya ⋅ ☀️ 17 °C

    Another early start today and we're wondering if we'll ever get a lie in on this trip. This morning we are taking the train from Nairobi to Mombasa, a 5 hour journey. We decide to sit in the standard class with our new Australian friends, Sof and Clay, as we all didn't want to dish out 3x the price for a first class ticket. The receptionist at the hostel who kindly books the tickets for us lets us know there is a mandatory booking fee we have to pay extra for. We're happy to pay as we're booking the tickets incredibly last minute. It's only later we find out when booking our return ticket that there is no extra booking fee. Oh well.

    Before getting on the train, we have to pass through airport-style security. Chris is taken to the side and asked about the swiss-army knife that he has inside. The security guard suggests that he can hold it here for us, on the condition that we bring him back something nice from Mombasa. He then changes his mind and says that Chris can keep it now. "How much is it worth?", he asks. Chris tells him that it's worth about $20. "Well if you put 2000 KSh in your bag, you might find your swiss knife has been returned." Chris grabs the money, and plunges it to the bottom of his bag. The security then rifles through the contents, and returns the luggage. Sure enough, the penknife is where Chris left the money.

    The train ride is fairly hot and goes by pretty slowly. But we pass time along the way spotting big game in Tsavo National Park which the train tracks somehow go through. We spot red elephants which are native to the park and think we see some camels as well. We try to double check but the train is going by too fast. We decide that we definitely saw some camels.

    Stepping out of the train terminal we are confronted by the heat wave of Mombasa. Hot and sticky we say our goodbyes to the Aussies who are headed towards Diani Beach and we board our first matatu (shared bus-taxi) to the centre. We are awarded the last two seats on the bus and struggle to not hit any of the other passengers with our luggage. It's safe to say we definitely said sorry to far too many people on the bus that day.

    We've heard good things about Mombasa. But to be honest, those people are wrong. Our hostel, as recommended by Lonely Planet, consisted of a large room with spartan beds not covered by mosquito nets - a problem that is highlighted to us as large swarms of mosquitoes fly through the broken windows and prison style iron barred door. The bathroom was additionally shared with staff who took suspiciously long showers. At least it's only for one night.

    We decide to leave our charming hostel and venture into the streets to see what the hype was about Mombasa. After walking less than 100 metres we're approached by a man who asks us for money for medicine. We politely say no and try to part ways but not before he attempts to show Chris what he needs medicine for by unzipping his fly. Back to the hostel it is!

    We spend the evening watching the sunset over the roof. Overhead are millions of bats flying around the harbour which is quite mesmerising. Still, we can't wait to get on the road again tomorrow.
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  • Day7

    Wasini

    September 22, 2019 in Kenya ⋅ 🌙 24 °C

    To put it simply, Wasini Island is a slice of paradise. It's a small island just off the Kenyan mainland, with just a couple of small villages and some guesthouses.

    We're staying at Blue Monkey Bandas, which is an off-grid guesthouse on the northern shore. To get there from Mombasa, we take a painless matatu to Shimoni, then jump on a boat to take us across the channel. The boat isn't quite able to take us all the way up to shore, however, so we are given water shoes to navigate the last 100m on foot. We quickly fins out that the water shoes are there to protect us from the legions of sea urchins underfoot. Amazingly, the local guys from the island don't wear shoes, and don't really seem to be paying much attention to where they are putting their feet.

    The place we're staying is incredible- it's completely off grid, so the lights are solar, food is sourced from the island, and we have bucket showers.

    We spend the first day hanging out on the shore, watching the waves gently come in, drinking amazing Kenyan coffee. When the tide goes out, we head into the water (in our water shoes!) and have a walk around the shallows. Not only are there thousands of urchins, but there are also small Brittle Fish, which are similar to starfish, but have long tendrils rather than stout arms.

    In the evening, We head to the western shore to watch the sunset. We walk through the village, and everyone waves at us, shouting "Jambo!", including one small child who is only wearing a tank top. We pass the local football club, decorated with the crests of all the major European clubs. We end up at a ship-breaking yard, full of old rotting fishing boats. Some fishermen are working on one of the ships as the sun sets.

    After dark, we have a delicious meal of local vegetables, including a sort of sea weed that grows in the shallows. We chat to the co-owner, a German woman who runs the place with her Kenyan husband, and she tells us hilarious stories about the place. One of our favourites was about an American couple who were completely unprepared for the off-grid nature of the place. They had no idea how to use bucket showers, and asked for cereal for breakfast (this was met by a deadpan "you do realise, we're on an island in the middle of the ocean?")
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  • Day8

    Wasini- more adventures in paradise

    September 23, 2019 in Kenya ⋅ ☀️ 26 °C

    We wake up in paradise and have another incredible, locally-sourced meal for brekkie, washed down with some more of that amazing Kenyan coffee. This morning we are joined by a blue monkey that keeps trying to steal food from the kitchen (and successfully manages to do so!)

    After breakfast, we head into the mangrove forests on the southern side of the island (the island is small enough that walking from the northern to southern side only takes ten minutes). The entire shoreline on the south side is flanked by mangroves, so thick that you can't see through. It's incredibly muddy but we head in and notice that whenever we move, tiny crabs run down into their little holes. There are so many crabs that each step seems to turn the ground from the greenish-black of the crabs to the beige of the sand.

    On the way back, we treat ourselves to fresh tamarind juice out of a cooler near the football club. It's made from the tamarinds from the huge tree looming over the central square of the village, costs about 10p, and tastes incredible.

    At dinner, we eat with some new arrivals, two groups of girls from Germany and Spain. The girls from Spain seem not to touch their giant lobster, caught specially for them that day, which is a shame. We, however, wolf down our delicious crab.

    The next morning, we hear reports that a pod of dolphins has been spotted in the channel. The groups of girls have decided to splash out on expensive boat rides to see them, but we opt for the more budget-friendly option of renting the kayak. We paddle out, and spot the tourist boats heading for the eastern shore. We pump our arms and try to head there, but it's still over half an hour before we reach the end of the island. By which point, the dolphins have moved just beyond the headland. Unfortunately for us, that would mean navigating the large waves that crash into the jagged headland rocks, so we decide not to risk it, and paddle back.

    With heavy hearts, we leave the island. We've really enjoyed our time here and are slightly reluctant to head back to the bustle of Kenya.
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  • Day9

    Diani Beach

    September 24, 2019 in Kenya ⋅ ☀️ 28 °C

    With heavy hearts we leave the beautiful Wasini Island. We jump on a matatu waiting in the nearest village and sit in it for about an hour before it departs. It's a pretty quick ride though and we get to Diani Beach in an hour or so.

    As soon as we step off the bus we are hard-pressed by drivers of all modes of transport, tuk-tuks, bodas, and taxis, who want to take us to our accommodation. We settle on a woman who seems friendly enough but won't tell us how much she charges until we've put our bags into the vehicle. We tell her our destination, Diani Backpackers, which is about a 15 minute ride away and is one of the most popular spots for backpackers in Kenya. She complains about the distance and quotes us a high price which Chris manages to haggle down to 500 shillings (about 5USD) and she sets off. Asking us for directions, claiming not to know where it is, but fresh on the scene, we don't know either. She turns this way and that seemingly asking people for directions all while complaining how far the drive is and how much extra we should pay her. We finally arrive and give her the originally arranged amount ignroing her pleas for a higher price.

    When we arrive at reception we ask how much it should have been. The guy laughs while asking how much we paid. Embarassed, we let him know the amount. Laughing harder he informs us that all rides, no matter the distance in Diani, should cost 100 shillings in total. We've learned our lesson and now know to call ahead and ask the staff for advice.

    After setting up camp we settle into the bar and are pleasantly surprised to find out it's happy hour. More surprisingly though we find ourselves in the company of our Aussie friends who still happened to be there! We join them for dinner and are sad to hear they are departing the next day. Unlike the rest of the people staying at Diani Backpackers, they seemed to be the most down to earth and normal.

    The next day we slowly start off the morning by taking a swim in the pool and then set off to the beach to enjoy the beautiful white sands of Diani. It's absolutley breathtaking and we decide to take a dip in the warm waters of the Indian Ocean. As we're changing we are spotted by some of the Beach Boys who take a liking ot us and want us to buy their keychains. Feeling uncomfortable as we're half nude, we kindly ask them to leave. 'We're all brothers and sisters' they say as they stand their ground. We eventually convince them we aren't going to buy anything from them and escape to a beach bar.

    In the evening we enjoy a beverage during happy hour at the hostel and then set off to Ali Barbour's Cave Restaurant. We entered the restuarant through a normal white building and then descended underground into the ancient coral cave that is between 120,000 and 180,000 years old. Thanks to the wide opening overhead in the roof of the cave that created a natural window we were able to watch the sunset and stargaze throughout our meal. With candles setting the scene, it all felt extremely romantic.

    We take a look at the menu and are surprised to see not one vegetarian option. We swore we read somewhere that they did but we are too polite to ask. Katie opts for fresh crab while Chris goes all out and gets a steak. After coming to terms with our decision and enjoying our night out we are told in the taxi home by a group of German girls who we are sharing the ride with that they ordered the vegetarian risotto. We exclaim that we didn't see that on the menu and are told that there was a separate vegetarian menu that you just had to ask for. Feeling a bit guilty we drown our sorrows in more drinks once we arrive back at Diani Backpackers because guess what, it's happy hour again! We retire from the party relatively early (and pretty drunk) to our tent whose walls are surprisingly not soundproof. Awful techno music fills the air in the early morning with the sound of chanting backpackers. It's all a bit too much for us and we feel extremely old for complaining.

    We awake in the morning to extremely heavy rain that has drenched our tent and most of our belongings. Katie is far too hungover to function and Chris makes the executive decision to stay an extra day. We both can't handle the Diani Backpackers scene any further so we book into a nondescript, budget hotel with a big pool and relatively 0 people - a warm welcome after the party scene that was just down the street.
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  • Day10

    The Mombasa Ferry

    September 25, 2019 in Kenya ⋅ 🌙 24 °C

    A quick tale here about the Mombasa Ferry.

    Mombasa is on an island, and in order to get anywhere south of the city, you have to get on a big ferry to take you back to the mainland.

    Today, we're returning from the southern side, and trying to get back into Mombasa. Even the short trip to the ferry is difficult, as the alleyways are too busy for our tuk-tuk to navigate. We have to get out on foot and push our way through. At one corner, a lorry is trying to squeeze its way through the crowds of people, goats, motorbikes and cattle. The lorry swings around the corner just as we're passing, and pushes Chris off-balance. Fighting against the push of the massive vehicle, the tent bag rips- all things considered, we got off lightly.

    On the ferry, we sit down on the top deck. The ferry is slow to depart, then stops in the middle of the channel. We spot a military boat passing the front of our ship, making its way out to sea. Then, out of nowhere, there's a massive explosion. The sound is deafening, and everyone's first reaction is one of terror. We've seen the ship fire the cannon, but to everyone, it will have seemed like a bomb, especially in light of the recent attacks.

    But it doesn't stop there, an entire fleet of military ships follows the first, firing cannons seemingly at random, filling the air with huge bangs. We then see fighter jets scream across the harbour, out to sea.

    When we finally disembark the ferry at the other side, there are dozens of busses, fully laden with soldiers. We literally have no idea what is going on, and nor does anyone else. We would never find out what happened.
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