Cardigan

Sali Mali and Le Petit Prince, signing in.

On yesterday’s blog, one Pául Simpsôn commented, “I imagine it will all be […] plain sailing from here on in”. Perhaps he jinxed us. Perhaps (and more likely) he knew already what were to face, since the blog was posted one day late, and was attempting sarcasm.

Who knows?

Whatever the case may be, let’s begin at the beginning. Le sacre de Napoleon! (Little joke that my sisters will get. And maybe French people).

But no. Today, we awoke to the bopping tunes of Dann who was ukelele playing to Dex, a fun song that was like “everything everything will be alright” and it was very reassuring, despite it ultimately being incorrect. Andrea and I got out of bread to enjoy some toast for breakfast, I of course drowned mine in Marmite, because when in Rome, and sent a picture to my friend group, because I live to annoy. I was then promptly informed that words could not describe how disgusting it was that I was eating Marmite.

That was probably aboidable.

But during this breakfast we also listened to the 1000 fart song. I questioned every choice I had ever made that lead me to that minute in time. Ultimately, I blame Andrea.

We then had little time before we had to hop in the car and take Dexie to Drama, which was promptly done, not without some sightseeing, of a suspension bridge and a flooding river.

But alas! Problem number one. We had forgotten Dex’s snacks! So we dropped her off then made a quick trip to Waitrose to pick up some yummables.

A snack pack was made and dropped off, and then Ali made Dede and I our own Snack pack! We also learned about the colourful Bristol houses and the city’s role in olden day slave trade. And Isembard Kin- whatever, a short man with a tall hat, a celebrated architect. And we also learned about Boaty Mc Boatface.

Upon drop off-all at the station, we walked through the barriers to Platform 9 (and 3/4 haha), said goodbye to Dann and Ali of course, before realising that we were supposed to be on Platform 3. Once we arrived there, we waited for a while, but our train was delayed.

Oh no!

We would obviously miss our connecting train, so after a decidedly panicked phone call to my mama j, we asked a platform guy, who basically said to get a train to Swansea. But this came with it’s own troubles, since to get this train, we had to switch platforms, not once, but twice! And also, it was pouring with rain.

However, all was eventually well, and embarked upon the train with courage in our hearts and glory in our minds.

Not really.

And then we wrote our blogs for the previous day, which lends credit to my previous theory of Pául Simpsôn’s comment, and also snacked on our packs.

It is also worth mentioning that I bopped out to the Eras Tour Megamix. Like five times. In a row.

When we finally arrived in Swansea, we waited a little for Granny to arrive, and when she did, we drove off, navigating the complicated routes of this new city.

Some bopping yacks were had in the car, including ones about cheap dentists leading to Moroccan holidays, planned activities, and the American elections.

We did stop by at IzFiz’s house, but alas she was not there, and we picked up the wetsuits that we were to borrow from Jill. And also we had a little trip down memory lane, when we drove past my old primary school.

Finally, we arrived. Andrea and I deposited our bags in the summer house, before heading in to see Terry! (Getting ever balder hehe no jk it is growing back). I wanted to watch Pointless, but it is Sunday! And so not possible! So instead, we watched the Great British Bakeoff.

I am fully invested and an extremely harsh judge on these contestants, who of course have a higher level than I ever will.

We also ate delicious dinner of fish fingers, beans, and chips, which remains among my favourite meals ever. However, on pudding week in the Bakeoff, they made some pretty bad puddings, and Granny was inspired to make better ones in much less time. And so she, Andrea, and I made a pudding with lemon and golden syrup, which was really good but very filling.

However, we ran out of Bakeoff episodes! And so we will never know the fate of the final four. But instead, we watched the Hit List, which I was not the best at however I did get some songs. And we ended it when two (frankly terrible) women won, thanks to Bad Blood by Taylor Swift, which I got before them despite her proclaiming herself a Swiftie. Hah.

Finally, we called it a night, and headed off with Granny to the summer house (so she could turn on the heating). However, a chonky spider was spotted, and Granny asked if she should get the vacuum cleaner.

Flashbacks befell me, mere hours ago, when Granny had said that she once had to bring the vacuum cleaner to the summer house for someone, and that it was “ridiculous”. So I immediately declined, not wanting to be deemed ridiculous, and regretted it later.

Indeed, when Granny left, we scared the one spider behind a frame and thought all was well. But danger struck when Andrea opened the toilet door and yet another chonky spider was there! I told her to kill it but the angle was all wrong, and how I wished for a vacuum cleaner in that moment.

But I decided to leave her to it and unfold the blankets, so as not to deal with spiders. However, I saw some speedy dark movement, shrieked, and dropped the blankets on the bed. Andrea emerged, shoe in hand, and like an avenging angel, whacked the spider with force and grace. Well, maybe more force than grace, but details, details. We thought ourselves perhaps safe but no! Yet another spider hid in the folds of the blanket!

Once again, Andrea to the rescue, all whack whack whack as I filmed. The cameraman never dies people!

Eventually, the bed was spider free (or so we hope, as we are lying in it right- WHAT WAS THAT ON MY FOOT haha jkjk), but we were both freaked out because the wind was howling and the chimes were chiming and there is no key for the door and I still hadn’t gone to the toilet and never would, so we just got into bed, fearful for our lives and minds.

I believe, in fact, that my exact words to Andrea were, “If someone breaks in, you die first and I live. Scarred for life perhaps, aware of my own mediocrity yes, but not dead nonetheless”. So really, am I a terrible person? Probably.

But in bed, we wrote our blogs (or one of us did), vaguely delirious and terrified of every movement. Andrea then asked to turn off the light, so she had to do it. I also made her switch off my lamp because I couldn’t see the switch and what if there were spiders on it? This lead to more screams. Did I mention the previous screaming? Moving on.

With the light out, spooky shadows are being cast across the curtains. I am this close to pulling a guinea pig and dying of fear.

But now I will go to sleep because I don’t want to see my murderer approaching. Or a spooky ghost. Or a spider.

Writing this down I am realising just how weak and cowardly I am.

Honorary mention today goes to peppermint tea. I consumed three today, and now my tongue hurts so much that I think I haven’t got one left. I just keep burning burns on top of burns. Oh also the pudding gets a second mention because we really beat those Bakeoffers.

Sali Mali and Le Petit Prince, signing out!Read more