DT David

Joined August 2016
  • Day22

    My old stompin grounds

    September 11, 2016 in Canada

    I pulled into Kelowna last night after a long day of riding through the rain and snow...thats right, snow! It was colder and wetter than i remembered. Up north it's so dry it feels like dust. Here, it's like little sponges od icy daggers that smack you in the face (if you could only imagine the noises i made...it would permenently destroy any fleeting image of toughness or badassery you may have had about me).

    It started to pour in between Roger's pass and Revelstoke. So, i turned up my new playlist i got from Adam (thanks homie..Russian Circles are amazing) and wrote my own songs to the music. Classic hits such as: Don't let that rain drip down into the back of my pants, OMG where's the road, You think you're a trucker but you're not, and my fav: Icy hands running up my legs.

    I met a fellow biker in Golden (the only person in Canada who has held a conversation with me - outside of my family and friends). His name was David and he had already biked to the east coast of Canada and back this summer! He does it every year! He knew about Lolo pass and had ridden it a few summers ago. It took him 8 days this summer to ride one way to the east coast (which is crazy quick). He had lots of stories and adventures of breaking down and crashing. I saw something quite familiar in him: he loved riding and being on the road. He embraced the risks and the challenges and didn't let them stop him. I could tell Dave was thankful for every day of his life and he lived each day to the fullest.

    I left my lights on again in Revy and had to buy booster cables cause the locals were either too scared of me to loan them to me, or legitimately didnt have them.

    Side note: To my surprise, Canadians are waaaaaay LESS friendly towards bikers than Americans. Down south, randos would wave at me as i rode by, come talk to me about my trip (as they could tell/smell that i've riden a long way), kids would pull on their parent's jackets and tell them to look at me (my two foot beard may have had sometbing to do with that), the hotel in Idaho didn't even ask for a deposit for the hotel room (as im riding sans credit cards). In Canada, i think Canadians are afraid to make eye-contact for fear of me looking into their dirty bikeaphobic souls and cast judgement upon their Timmy sippin lives. They wouldnt even answer back or look at me as im asking them questions. Even canadian bikers are shitty. I know i knock on Americans and play to their stereotypes, but i was really surprised as to how un-friendly Canadians are. Shape up guys!!

    I crashed at a friends house last night with a bottle of wine while she went to bed and watched Star Wars...Hans solo. Today, i ride to Vancouver for my last stop before i get home. By the time i get home, it'll be 21 days on the road. I passed the 6000km mark on the way to Kelowna and will probably bump it to close to 6500kms before i get into my garage. To drive across canada from Victoria to St. Johns, New foundland is 7000kms...doesnt seem so far anymore :)

    Will Canadians turn it around the closer i get to Vancouver Island? Does the Ogopogo share? Will tax breaks for the wealthy pay off down the line?

    Stay tuned...
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  • Day20


    September 9, 2016 in Canada

    "...where the deer and the nickleback play
    Where seldom is heard, a liberal leaning word
    And the sky is falling till Notley is trucked away"

    I made it. The boarder patrol let me in - AGAIN...but he did give me a stern talking to after handing him my passport that i was holding in my mouth

    ...ummm...hello...im a badass biker. Let me just grab that passport from my glove box...no no no...i didnt think so Stan. Typical 'Bertan. Probably watched Ultimate Fighter late into the night last night and didnt get to stop at the Timmys to grab an apple fritter and a large double double. Wife prob left him for Larry...at least Larry didnt treat her like Tilda Swinton on a bad day... To be honest, i dont even know Tilda Swinton...but she's probably a batch.

    As you can tell, my med holiday is going super well.

    Ive actually been in Cochrane for a couple days now (and i've also sucessfully lost track of the date and what day it is...I LOVE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS). Basically, ive been sleeping 10-11 hrs every night and rembering how and what oral hygiene is and where and when it applies. I got to see all 8 of my nieces and nephews, celebrate my mom's Double 30 birthday, see a good buddy who i havent seen in over two stanley cups and my uncle who inspired this whole bike trip.

    Great success.

    The ride from montana was spectacular. I was left with a choice of either riding Going to the Sun road and risk snow at the peak, or skirting around Glacier National Park and keep to the valleys full of rain. I chose snow. Saftey is my second middle name...danger is my first middle name. Dallas Danger Safety Davidson doesn't fit on my license...and people usually get bored of me talking while im saying my full name....so i...nevermind.

    The clouds were beneath my feet!! It was unreal!! Im so glad i did it. One of the many highlights of the trip for sure! I've driven it in a car, but never on a bike and it's about as different as looking at a cool picture and being in that cool picture.

    My life and my problems seem so insignificant when i get out into nature - and even more so when i'm staring at giant mountains.

    Im currently sitting at the table with my dad working away on the computer...mumbling a strange combo of "pssst pssst pssst 16....toodle....passt pssst passt forterna.....dallas.....why is that different pssst pssst pssst". I realize im prob supposed to help him with something...im not exactly sure what it is just yet...im guessing moral support...so thats what im doing by writting this blog thingy.

    It's been shit weather since i got here and im gonna make a run for Kelowna tomorrow morning before another system blasts the mountain pass with snow.

    Getting closer to home. Ive been gone almost three weeks.

    Will i find out what my purpose is at this kitchen table? Will shake and bake make a comeback? Will Christian Bale leave church early again?

    Stay tuned...
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  • Day15

    Big sky

    September 4, 2016 in the United States

    Well, if Oregon is the sand-box of the PNW, Idaho is definitely the litter box. It smells soooo bad. In related news i stepped in some dog crap right on the boarder as i took my pic...wait a minute...my feet are always upwind when i rid....

    Montana is beautiful. Big mountains. Big trucks. You don't have to wear helmets...so big brain injuries im guessing. I even went to the 7/11 and asked for a Big Gulp...they're just called Gulps here...the bigness is just assumed.

    I got out of Riggens super slow yesterday due to a self-inflicted, solo bar adventure the night before. I was a little nervous about the next leg of the trip as Mother Google said there wasn't going to be any gas stations for over 100 miles. So, i filled my bike up and my little jerry can and pointed ol' Maggie up towards the pass.

    It. Was. Fantastic!!

    It made the two days of flat, boring and straight rides worth it. There wasn't a straight stretch of road for a few hours!! So fun.

    Untill...an asshat pulled a u-turn right in front of me as i was going about 120. I slammed on my horn...and...if you've heard a bike horn before...became immediately embarrassed of the sound it made and appologized to the u-turn driver. "Im sorry my bike did that!" If you can think of what a baby goat would sound like if you gave it a quick - but sharp hug - right after it sucked back a balloon full of helium....that's ol' Maggie's bark. It's horrible. You usually have to compensate with a furrowed brow - but not too furrowed...this is America...there are more guns than churches here. In fact, there's probably a lot of guns in those churches...moving on

    As previously mentioned, there's no helmet law here in Montana. So...as soon as i posed for my photo op at the boarder...i whipped it out for everyone to see. It felt freeing...a little drafty...but completely natural/the way that God intended. My hair never felt so wavy and good. It was like god was givig me a scalp massage. I imagined what brad pitt would do...so i did it...im not sure exactly what he'd do...so i couldnt actually say for sure if i nailed it. But needless to say, i found my biker mojo. Dogs have had it right for all these years with their heads out of car windows....i get it now.

    I ran over a racoon today. It was already dead...but you know what they say about racoons? Double-tap *wink

    It has been so good to reconnect with my friends Derrick and Mary-cat and their two beautiful daughters!! I havent seen them since 2004...12 years ago!! The third Harry Potter movie was released that year!!! Harry still looked like a kid and Hermione was still rather awkward!!

    A funny thing has happened since i left Victoria 12 days ago...fall has come. I could tell cause my nips were pin-pricks of the past/no nip. There is now a chance of snow tomorrow. Im still deciding if i should just chance it or wait another day. I wanna ride a road i did with my family years ago when coming back from summer camp - Going to the Sun Road (look it up...it's amazing) on my way to calgary. As im getting late into the riding season, many things are starting to depend on the weather...so we'll see when i get there.

    Will the racoons require a third-tap? Did i already fall off my bike and am i in a coma? Can i just teleport home now cause my ass has made a formal request and the union requires a response within 48hrs?

    Stay tuned...
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  • Day14

    My life is a highway

    September 3, 2016 in the United States

    For the past two days, i've ridden just over 1200kms. I stopped only for brunch and linner (my meal between lunch and dinner) and camped east of Bend, Oregon and last night in Riggins Idaho. I've been trying to get to Montana by saturday...looks like ill make it

    i woke up this morning in a hotel bed...i was tired of unpacking and packing my tent. It feels weird to be clean again. Showers! Who would've thought?!

    The night before i camped out on the side of a highway/bein a badass. This badass got a little nervous when the coyotes started howling...so i did what every other biker would do...i howled back from the saftey my sleeping bag and tent. I then remembered that there was another tent beside me...and refused to make eye contact with him the next morning when i got up.

    I stopped for brunch and forgot to turn my lights off. I was able to find some "dudes" who were on their way to "get out into the radical wilderness, my man". In fact, the started and finished each sentance with "my man". "Hey guys, do you have jumper cables?", as i walked up to this van in a gss station across the road. "My man, what do you need, my man?". The driver said grinning. I didnt know if he was being serious. I mean...how many "my man's" can one put into one sentance!? "i need booster cables for my bike" i said slowly. "My man, you dont have a bike, where is it...my man?". I began to wonder if i should ask someone else...someone who would believe that i had a motorbike that needed boosting. "Its just over there, behind candy mountain" i said trying to be funny. "My man, is candy mountain that building over there?...my man?"....it. Took. Forever!!!

    My men eventually came over and boosted my bike and high-fived me with an emphatic "My Man!!" when it started up...like he couldn't believe his eyes that i actually had a bike and using those cables made it work. I said a quick "Take care guys!" and got Maggie outta there before another "my man" weighed us down.

    I decided that it would be a good idea to check on ol' Maggie and see if she needed anything else as the last stretch of road was the longest, flattest, straightest and most desolate section of land not called Saskatchewan (i rode for almost 3 hours before seeing a gas station...which is not good for bikes as their gas tanks are not that large). Its a good thing i checked too, cause ol' Maggie was completely empty of oil.

    Rookie move dallas. Badass biker mojo lost.

    I also picked up a jerry can just in case. 'Merica is a lot bigger than i had thought. It took forever to get out of Oregon!

    All that riding time has allowed me to work on my song writing. I think im gonna record a country album as ive somehow acquired a southern drawl since being down here...it rolls off my toungue like honey now. Here are a few of the songs i've written: It hurts when you touch me like that in my emotions, That wrench won't fix my heart, Puppy love, Hot Damn Hot Dogs, It's sad when you don't wave when i do... There's a bunch more, but so far i only have the tunes worked out without words. My mother always said i had a voice of an angle. All 90 degrees of it.

    I head out on the road hungover today after getting loaded at a bar down the street last night. I didn't even talk to anyone. I was trying to be an intimidating biker...but i think my camo shorts and flip flops gave it away.

    Will i ever drink again? Do i have to actually have to leave this bed? Will my men continue to be radical?

    Stay tuned...
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  • Day12


    September 1, 2016 in the United States

    I did something yesterday i swore id never do. No, not get married for the third time (come on, i thought it was three strikes and you're out), no i didn't attempt to wrestle a three legged wolf, no no no i didnt attempt a triple lux from an unusually low springboard and you already know I can't wistle dixie while riding a unicycle (thanks youtube for keeping that hush hush)....i lane splitted.

    Context: i was on the interstate, it was hot...real hot...to give you a visiual, my nipples were the size of loonies, there was traffic...all the traffic...and i started to panic...what if this is my last day on earth and im spending it standing up on my motorcycle while that asshat with the BMW motorcycle is passing everybody in the middle of the lanes...livinging his life to the fullest. How does one lanesplit? Well...you just drive suicidally close to two cars that are in their own yrespective lanes and hope to god that the wind doesnt push you into them. I made it all the way through the traffic! Well...as far as a septic truck and a 4runner. Mr. Poop was a bit swervy and probably still high off the septic fumes from his last job and i thought it smart of my non-travel-insured ass to hold back and let that situation play out without the dallas filler to thier pop sandwhich.

    I got my cards read!! Lady Sita sat me down in a dark room that was lit by one candle and a nausiating blend of sassafras and febreez. I didnt mind (at least it was airconditioned). "You have a full deck!!" She gasped. It's not the first time i've heard that (it's always good for a little ego boost). "Thank you Lady Sita, but i was really hoping for a Full House". She stopped, turned and with her hands signing some weird ASL, "Cut....it....out....Dallas".... the studio audience laughed, the camera turns back to me...end scene.

    You know, riding bike on the interstate gives you a lot of time to be in your head. Especially now that im on a bit of an adhd "med holiday", I'm definitely all over the literal map.

    I left Sacramentos for San Francisco after Bob made me a breakfast suited for a king and equipped me with some incredible steak sandwhiches for the road. It's amazing how the temperature can drop so quickly! My nips went down to dime sized (that should be a new messurement of temperature...quarter nip, dime nip, etc). Google maps was connected to my headphones and was doing wonders until i realized that it had gone silent for quite a while. I checked to see that my phone had overheated and i was now a long ways off track. I pulled off the interstate at the forsr exit i could...Richmond, California is not the same as Richmond, BC. They dress super...gangsta (cause they are), a few had handguns tucked into the back of their pants and it looked and felt like i just crashed someone's funeral (in hindsight...somebody probably was just murdered). So, i canadianly appologized "oops, sorry. Pardon me. White guy coming through." and i floored Maggie and got out of there.

    The Golden Gate Bridge. The bridge is so special that my autocorrect automatically changes it to make sure its capitalized. Two things: it is not golden, it is red. Secondly, i did not pay the 6 dollars to drive over (it would probably be 20$ Canadian). A bridge is a bridge...and in this case it was a red bridge. Bucketlist acheived.

    From there i drove some sweet roads through the Nappa valley and back to the same McDonalds i was at a few days ago when i decided to go to Sacredmento.

    I ended up pulling into an empty campground, set my stuff up and went into town for Wing Night. I was the only patron in the bar and sat and got drunk with the bartender, Dave, who made me promise him I'd come back through on the weekend before i left.

    Sorry Dave. I lied.

    Im gonna head towards Bend, Oregon and maybe up to The Dalles - which is almost my name and thats the only reason why i want to drive through it.

    Will Dave track me down? Will i end up going under cover and infiltrate california's gangs? Do hotdogs make good breakfasts?

    Stay tuned...
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  • Day11


    August 31, 2016 in the United States

    Some scholars believe the meaning of Sacramento has been lost in the sands of time. Others believe it has something to do with Sweaty mentos, or Sacred Breath Mint. I should look into this more come winter.

    You might remember that i didn't think i'd make it down here - well...let's just say mother google and a complete lack of awareness of the date played a little trick on me. Firstly, there's a little feature on google maps that you can turn off or on saying "avoid highways". Now, highways can be the most boring and dangerous places for motorcycles due to the speeds you need to drive in order to keep up with thr flow of traffic - so as a group, we've been thoroughly enjoying the scenic routes we've been on so far. But those scenic routes have not been the most direct routes and i miscalculated how far away i was from Sacramento. Turns out, i was only 2 hrs away when i checked in again from Redding. Sooooo, i took the I5 and ripped down to see Bob and Lorraine Fraas (my second family) and their kids (who i havent seen in almost 2.5 years). Its been great!! Omg sleeping in a bed is weird. And OMG clean clothes. Sadly, i no longer smell like a biker, but i am getting a lot more smiles.

    My ride from Eureaka to Redding was one of the beat roads ive been on. No straightwaways, constant banditos waiting to pass me, intense dry heat that has cooked the region to a crisp (its so dry that a patron at Dobby's pub in Weaverville said that a fart would start a wildfire...which was a bit concerning as i had had McDonalds that morning and was a bit of a McFirestarter for about 200 miles...sorry California).

    Speaking of Dobby's pub, after riding for close to 2 and a half hours without a rest/break, i stopped into this pub for a quick recharge/pint. I sat at the bar where "Libby" was working. She was a tough woman who you know could beat you in a greased baby pig catching contest. "Whadda have?" She growled. "What do you have on tap?" I asked...it was as though i just asked the stupidest question you could ask and a bar. "Beer" she said flatly. "What kind of beer" i politely/In my most canadian of tones asked. Again, i remember my teachers standing in front of my class and always asking if there were any questions and that there was no dumb questions. I usually took that as a challenge and tried to think of the dumbest question in the world to challenge their theory of the existence of a dumb question. "Is shake and bake artificial?" was usually my go-to. But in this case, dear Libby, i was not trying to be dumb. "Budwiser, Bud Lite, Coors light and something something Nevadas" she sighed. "Oooooo what kind of beer is Nevadas?" I tried to sound excited cause i knew the other beers were basically carbonated urine. Something happened to Libby...i must have finally proved it to her...i was officially the dumbest guy in Weaverville cause she gave me the dumbest answer to what she probably thought was the dumbest question just to mock me..."its beer. Brown beer". "I'll take it!!" I smiled. That was the longest exchange ive had with a bartender. Thats also the last time ill stop in Weaverville. I knew Libby had a gun somewhere and was probably getting an itchy trigger finger with her other hand stroking a "Trump 2016" sticker. I slammed that beer and floored ol' Maggie and got the heck out of that four beer town.

    Sacramento has been a great! Im so glad i was able to make it down and reconnect with everyone.

    Its dawned on me recently: this is the first real vacation ive had since 2009. Everything else has been over a long weekend or spent visiting family (which can be exhausting being Super Uncle Dallas!). I need to do this more often.

    Today i head out and cross the Golden Gate Bridge -
    Which has also been a bit of a bucket-list item. From there i begin to head north and will head through thr Napa Valley and try not to go on too many wine tours (Its hard to fake sober on a motorbike).

    Is shake and bake actually artificial? Will i find the dumbest question? Will i eventually make it back to Canada?

    Stay tuned...
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  • Day9


    August 29, 2016 in the United States

    Whoaaaaa....i made it dude.

    Well, it was totally worth it when we woke up early yesterday morning in our sandbox campsite to go ride some atv's in the sand dunes.

    Firstly, they should be called sand mountains, not sand dunes!! They're huge!!! (Thats what she said).

    After we ripped around for an hour, it was time to grab a McBreakfast and say so-long to our Angry Panda bike tour. AG needed to get ready to teach and Ian needed to supply him with warm gear to get home. I decided to head south and see the Redwoods.

    They're also huge!!! (Thats what she keeps saying)

    And they're everywhere! Peeps on Vancouver Island have seen Cathedral Grove and darted across the highway to basically see all of them in about 20 mins - you can see them here for miles and miles!! Sooooo many!!

    After 4 looooooong days of riding, i finally had my first shower (no that wasnt a dead animal you passed on the highway...that was my biker musk). It cost 25cents per minute and i blew through 3$ scrapping every single mile off my skin. It is amazing how much ive missed showers. Like...if you wouldve offered me $20 and go another day without showering...i wouldve said "19$ and you have a deal". (Thats what she said)

    I was awakened by a family of four packing up to leave at 7am. Its a good thing im canadian or i wouldve had a sense of entitlement and yelled at them.

    I sit here now at another McCraps as they have free and consistent wifi. Unfortunately, my trip needs to be altered as Google Maps has lied and said i would be able to get this far south a few days ago...and the trip to Sacramento is another 2 day ride. Instead, im going to start heading north to Montana and then to Calgary.

    Its only 1034 more miles to Montana.

    Thats 1646 kms. Which means...about 20-22 more hours of riding.

    Its a good thing us Davidsons have superior asses that can really take this abuse. (Thats what she......WAIT A MINUTE).

    Will my butt fall off? Will my nickname of saddle bags follow me back home? How scary is the homeless guy panhandling the McShit's drivethrough (quite successfully i might add)??

    Stay tuned....
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  • Day8

    Sand dunes

    August 28, 2016 in the United States


    You have never experienced cold until you've been on a motorbike in the rain. We woke up yesterday morning as there was a thick mist that felt like rain and had to dig all our leathers and warm gear from the bottoms of our bags...well...two of us did. The other...didn't bring any. He shall remain nameless and will only be referred to by his initials to protect his identity: AG. Classic AG.

    I wish i could tell you about the breathtaking views we had from on top of the cliffs overlooking the ocean as we drove - but the fog had rolled in so thick, that i lost our first rider from time to time. Stops into coffee shops and diners changed to finding someplace warm. Thankfully...i have a beard. The road itself was still amazing!! Tons of twists and hills and you could tell that if you missed a turn, you'd drop a couple hundred feet over the edge.

    I tried my cool motorcycle wave to a real motorbike gang as they rolled by...but quickly retracted out of terror when i realized who they were. Our little crew has a long way to go before we become that intimidating. Firstly, we really have to stop appologizing so much, then reduce how often we politely smile and blare the Tragically Hip at our campsites.

    Along the way, i've noticed how people really show their ignorance when they ask if i brought my assless chaps. Firstly, look down...thats what these are...secondly, have you ever seen an ass'd chap? Is he a scarcastic english bloke who won't shut up? They're called leather pants Ricky Martin, now live the la vida loca on outta here...Of course i brought them. Im definitely gaining confidence with this new biker's attitude. Look out America.

    We pulled into Florence, Oregon at about 7 last night and couldn't find the check in office for our campsite. But we did meet Dale. Dale was the wood guy who used to work at the sandpit we were camping at. Dale did not like the BMW in the group..."they just dont work". Dale then went on to tell a story about his daughter's motorbike..."she's not the smallest girl out there...". I concluded that his 20 something daughter was still living in his home and he was tired of feeding her.

    We woke up early this morning and rented some quads and rode on some sand dunes. Now...when you think samd dunes (or at least i did), i didnt think they were gonna be that big. Holy guacamole theyre huge!! We did out best not to flip them and ripped around for an hour. So fun!! Defintely want to do that again sometime.

    Today i made the difficult choice to split from the rest of the crew and continue on south solo yolo, while they head back to Victoria. I still have a few weeks of unscheduled time and im super close to the giant Redwoods and would regret not seeing them. I might head a little further south, but its weather dependant at this point. I want to get to Montana to see some friends and then back up into Alberta before heading west again.

    My journey is slow getting going as i've already pulled over to warm up an hour in at Coos Bay.

    This is still fun. The adventure continues.

    Stay tuned for more...
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  • Day7

    Day 5: Cannon Beach

    August 27, 2016 in the United States

    We had to let go of one of our riders yesterday. Mike, you are missed. To commemorate, we took way too many pictures and videos crossing a bridge. It was glorious.

    We left Portland yesterday morning after stopping in at a bike shop/coffee shop (note to self, run one of those in the future and specialize in grilled-cheese sandwhiches...omg im so hungry right now i should really eat or this whole entry will be about food).

    On the way out of town we passed a bunch of competative walkers on the side of the road. It looked like they were concentrating very hard to walk fast...like they were trying to get an "A" in walking. I mean come on! I got my "A" when i was (correct me if i'm wrong mom), 11 or 12?! I mean, geez...there are only a few things in life that im good at...no, three: sleeping, bearding and walking/eating pizza pops (same same). I can do them in my sleep - and i do with regularity. I actually am a sleep walker and i dont even have to try. I guess you can say im a bit of a superhero...but ive clearly digressed and am getting hungrier and OMG IS THAT A PIZZA P....nope...its my dirty underwear in the corner. That was close.

    We stopped in a little town on the sea side called Seaside. It was like Willy Wonka's chocolate factory without Will or any of those little guys (to be honest ive never watched the movie or...is it even a book?). Basically it was the biggest tourist/permanent fairground i ever saw and they were preparing for the completion of the competative walking race - thankfully you could see them coming a long way off and we got out of there as to not spoil anyone's "A".

    We got to Cannon Beach and to my dismay, there's not one single cannon on the beach. Only a lot of really warm sand and some stupidly beautiful giant rock that youre not allowed to touch or you could kill a Puffin...or whatever...i didn't really read the sign at the cannonLESS beach cause i was distracted by the picture of the Puffin. Aren't they supposed to be in Antarctica? Why do they call them Puffins? Are they basically penguins who went to the bird dentist and are a little frozen and still a little...wait for it...puffy? (I clearly think that joke is hilarious).

    So we watched the stupid sunset and drank some dumb beer and came back to our lavish $100 a night dirt campsite and passed out.

    #honestly#worthit (im definitely coming back here) (thankyou Ian for all the work in finding it and setting it up)

    Today is the day ive been dreaming of since inwas a kid and my uncle told me about how he and some friends rode this part of the (101) highway. It's supposed to be the best motorbike highway in the west as it follows the rugged coastline all the way down to California. We're going as far as Florence today where we can play with quads and dirtbikes in the sand dunes.

    Will there be more Puffins? Do their dentists have to have a degree in Puffintry? Will i eventually give in to the pizza pop cravings....

    ...stay tuned
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  • Day6

    High socks

    August 26, 2016 in the United States

    694kms so far.

    The Hispsters are everywhere. You can almost smell their indignation and judgement first...then you see their high socks with shorts and buttoned up shirts with under shirts beneath. From my completely logical and practical point of view...i think it's ridiculous. I would sweat all over my sweat.

    Yesterday was a relatively tame day - we dropped out of the distilery tours and pub crawls we had planned as we were far too hungover from the night before and basicslly hipster watched and drank. We checked out some food trucks and watched two movies in a theatre that was like a living room - actually it was called The Living Room. They even served us pre-bought beer to our sests while the movie was playing. War Dogs: yay. Jason Bourne: narp.

    We also went to a massive book store called Powells. Im pretty sure that's where the hipsters procreate and feed. They were all there. "Keep Portland weird"...makes sense to me now.

    Here's a hipster joke: Three preppy guys and one bearded guy walked in a hipster bar...and they drank beer and were very friendly and had no scarcasm to offer....the end. Get it? Its funny on so many levels.

    Off to Cannon Beach tomorrow. I miss my bike. Her name is Maggie.
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  • Day5


    August 25, 2016 in the United States

    We made it

    Only had one angry lady in a red car try to kill me. Luckily, my cute little horn saved me/i swerved and gave her the angriest/meanest/badass'd motorcycle growl i could give from under my helmet and dark sunglasses.

    Ok, ok, ok...volcanoes are cool. Well, not really...they're full of liquid hot schmagma...but they're really big and cool. Kinda like the friendly giant...but way bigger and waaaaay less friendly every hundred and fifty years or so. We rode from about 500 feet up to 3800 feet above sea level on our bikes quickly - enough to make me stop and put on a vest to cover up my hardened nipples (lets be honest, it didnt help...nothing will ever help those bad boys). We felt like true bikers when we didnt go inside the interpretive center and pay the 8 dollars you're supposed to pay...we just ignored the university student who was giving gullible minds a cute little lecture on "This picture in my left hand is what this mountain looked like before the blast...and and as you can see in my other left hand, this is what the power and destruction of mother nature/god if youre a republican did on that fateful morning of blah blah blah blah im only doing this to pay for my basic healthcare". In reflection, we probably stood there and listened long enough to contribute to her next booster shot.

    Because we had such a late start (soooooooooombody is a snorer and didnt let anybody sleep...im not saying it was me...but im also not not saying it was me...i dont snore....i purr...like a motorcycle...without a muffler), we sadly had to skip riding back out to the coast and going over the cool bridge in Astoria and took a shortcut to get into Portland before our Air BnB hosts left with our key.

    We drove by a huge "Trump" sign in a farmers field and I giggled cause i thought it said "dump" and then realized this is actually happening. People actually want to be on the Apprentice soooo badly that they're calling out to Trump from their farmer's fields. Hehe. So silly!

    Portland is hot. Is that normal? I realize ive been in the arctic for a while, but seriously, its hot. They use weird numbers to measure their heat too, like: 70, and 80 and HOLY BALLS MY PANT LEGS JUST MELTED. They also have accents here and talk funny. They use words like: HUH, darlin, WUT, Restroom (you should see their faces when you say bathroom...ugh NO i dont want to take a bath...well i totally do cause these chaps are making me...whats a word worse than sweaty?? WATERY) Shooo and WE DONT TAKE THAT (sometimes all together too).

    Our house is nice...but i am sleeping on the floor. It said "sleeps four comfortably". Ya right. If by comfortable you mean comfortable being the big spoon to a big hairy/sweaty peice of canadian bacon. Theyre actually all still sleeping. And to be honest they do look quite comfortable. Maybe this was a different trip than i had intended. I did bring my chaps.

    To be continued...
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  • Day3

    Mt. St. Helens

    August 23, 2016 in the United States

    I am fully alive.

    In spite of Aaron thouroughly cleaning his passport in the laundry the night before, the border patrol somehow let us in and we made it 405kms today.

    My butt hurts, but it doesnt compare to my face hurting from smiling so much.

    Up early tomorrow to drive up the volcano and then to Astoria and end up in Portland.

    The americans know we arent from here...i Dont know whats giving it away...maybe our kind eyes and a lack of nukes? Perhaps its our affinity for manners and the Tragically Hip?

    On another note, i saw a sign saying "Blind person crossing". I freaked and slammed on my breaks...but didnt see them. Was i blind as well? Or...do they have two superpowers and are also invisible?

    To be continued...
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