EPiC(OT)

DISCLAIMER: These are long because they are less about entertaining acquaintances and more about documenting the trip. Skim, skip, ignore - no hurt feelings.

I lived more life today than I have in the last month.

To circle back on my expectations of the Salvatore Hotel breakfast - quite good actually. Very pleasant. Good coffee. Sugar cereal. All manner of cakes and muffins to take for the plane ride. Healthy people would hate it, but it worked for our family.

Air Force One landed in Buffalo at 9:36 am about the time we were scheduled to leave our hotel to get to the airport. Traffic was apparently snarled. I say apparently because we were running late and our flight had been delayed so this had little impact on our travels but was quite the buzz at breakfast.

Melissa has noteworthy airport security anxiety. She shape shifts into a laser focused person intent on getting to her gate. This is very noticeable and distinct from her characteristic type B self. Malcolm is old enough to notice so I had to explain Mel would act very strange until we were at our gate because she is scared of missing the flight. It makes perfect sense, but is an uncharacteristic level of neurosis I find funny and now Malcolm can join me in the eye rolling!!

At the gate the kids curiously watched the happenings of the tarmac with Airforce One in the background. Two hours later we departed Buffalo en route to Charlotte. Eleanor thought we were going to her friend Charlotte’s house, while concurrently noting Charlotte lives at the school. So thank god she was not in charge of getting us to Disney.

Mel and I displayed Grade A parenting on the plane. The kids were fed, entertained and content. Happy travellers, happy parents.

Our late flight meant a VERY short connection window (about 15 minutes and American Airlines has to shut the doors 10 minutes before take off). So it was more like 5. We put Eleanor out in front because people move out of the way for her cute nugget face and then coo at her as she runs past. They then move out of the way so responsible adults can chase her while giggling and saying how cute she is. It looks chaotic but there is some strategy behind it. We pushed Eleanor to the front of where we were (row 13) and told her to run as fast as she could and get past people. And she ran - very fast in fact. And people moved. I can not even describe how far and how fast we went in 5 minutes. I have to have flown 100 times - nothing compares to this epic airport dash. Charlotte is a hub with 5 spokes. We were at the end of one of the spokes and had to get to the end of the opposite spoke - with some linear airport in the middle. After approximately 5 minutes of running Melissa was out front and in sight of the attendant closing the gate. As soon as the attendant saw Melissa she said - “Are you the Karpetz family?” to which Mel yelled back - YES!!!! The attendant followed closely by a panicked “Where are the rest of you??? We close the door in 6 second”. It took longer than 6 but maybe 15 seconds later I was in the rear of the convoy waving our Canadian passports and we were on the plane. The door shut behind us. We stripped off our sweaters, chugged my Diet Coke and settled in for a quick and painless flight to Orlando. Miraculously the luggage made it. The flight attendant said luggage generally does make it. Not sure how or why but I was too tired to care to understand airport logistics.

WORST part of the day - taxi ride to the Disney resort. The taxi driver spewed Homophobic rhetoric, swore generally, swore at the Disney Resort security guard at the gate, tried to cheat us - it was awful. Lowlights - midway through I snapped at the driver from the back seat, while actively trying to keep the kids from hearing what he was saying, that the driver must stop a line of questioning of our relationship and sexuality as it was inappropriate generally, and in front of our children specifically. The taxi ride ended at the resort with Mel yelling to bewildered guests to get clarity on State laws around adding an extra charge for Visa. So…that sums it up.

Finally at the room, aided by towels shaped like Mickey Mouse, Malcolm deduced he was at Disney World. He looked a bit confused and a bit excited.

Our resort is massive. It rivals MGM Grande in Las Vegas. In fact, everything here reminds me of Vegas. Big, themed, busy, expensive. I like Vegas - but this is Vegas with kids and there are no casinos - so not sure yet.

We decided to find dinner and the person at the front desk recommended we head to Disney Springs, since we did not have resort reservations for the day. The resort has a big bus area where buses come and go at all hours to take you to the various Disney affiliated places. So we hopped on the bus that said Disney Springs.

Like our run through the airport, I have no life experience to ground a description of Disney Springs. Massive outdoor mall 100+ stores, 20+ restaurants, shows, boardwalks and an island. It has to be at least a mile long. That is Disney Springs. We walked in delusional ‘exhausted/travelled all day’ circles until we eventually found a giant taco and some ice cream. It started to rain so we got back on a bus and went back to the resort. The whole trip was over 2 hours which is bananas for a taco and some ice cream. Moral of the story - we need to plan better.

The kids were maniacs. Wet, excited and exhausted. Bathing a feral cat would have been easier than bathing Eleanor who was literally taking mouthfuls of water and spitting them at me as I tried to wrestle her to wash her.

It is 11PM now. Kids are asleep. Mel and I should be unpacking and getting organized but we are not. We have moved up one of our park reservations (you have to have a reservation to enter a park). The weekend is calling for EPiC(OT) rain, so we swapped some things around and now have reservations at EPCOT tomorrow. EPCOT is home to the new Frozen ride so the kids’ minds will be blown by lunch time.

Have a magical night!Read more