• Maria Gair
  • Melinda Heiner
jun. – jul. 2018

TMOLMM

“The Misadventures of Las Mujeres Miserables”
Thirty years after Maria lived a summer in Spain, and fifteen after Melinda completed her Masters in Madrid, we bring our 12-year-olds on a road trip. We have orthotics and enough NSAIDs to last a month.
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  • We came, we saw...

    6 de julio de 2018, España ⋅ ⛅ 21 °C

    We came to take more Pepto, we saw people hugging a statue, we conquered the low tide of the Cantabrian Sea. We hugged the statue too.

    Today started out “no bueno” as we like to say in these parts. Melinda has been battling stomach fun and Maria a little too. We blame Portugal😂

    We got on the road earlier than usual, if not as early as planned and headed to Santiago de Compostela. Santiago is a major pilgrimage site because it is claimed that St. James’ bones are interred in the cathedral. Maria gives it a 40% chance of that being true. Melinda thinks this is way too generous.

    Maria has always dreamed of completing the Camino until today. People ruin everything. Santiago has become the Disney of pilgrims. It’s a mass of people and why? Is it really a pilgrimage or is it a show? Why Saint James over all the others? Maria was underwhelmed by the show of it all. Also, she only walked 0.6 miles from the parking lot to the cathedral, so not quite ready for the whole 500 miles😂

    But Maria did hug a Saint. She thought she was in line to see Saint James’ bones. Melinda remembered going down to see the bones. She sent Maria down and there was a gold coffin holding the relics of St. James. Maria didn’t realize that’s what they were. So we stood in line another 20 minutes and then went up some stairs and hugged a statue (from behind, of course!) while a guy looked on so no photos were taken. We are sure we did the hugging all wrong, but hug we did...and then Maria asked, “Where are the bones?” “I think you saw them downstairs.” I’ll tell you what...in 1995, Maria and friends spent the equivalent of $0.25 to light up the mummified right hand of St. Stephan in Hungary...THAT is how relics should be done😂

    We left Santiago glad we were off to more calm environs. Now we are along the north coast staying at a place called Finca O Bizarro. Sadly, bizarro means “courageous” and not “bizarre”...because I wanted the translation to be “Bizarre farm”😂

    Just along the coast above us, the Camino or “way” to Santiago follows from France to Santiago de Compostela. We are here to visit the Beach of the Cathedrals. Amazing rock formations and arches that are only visible at low tide. We viewed some this evening at medium tide. We will return for low tide tomorrow.
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  • Galicia, we adore you

    7 de julio de 2018, España ⋅ ⛅ 18 °C

    After panicking about heat and parking garages, the Miserable Mujeres changed their trip plans from the wine country (HOT!) to the Galician coast and the Picos de Europa mountain range.

    First: Galician coast
    After Santiago de Compostela, we drove north and west to the Beach of the Cathedrals. This also has a Spanish name and a Galician name...and our GPS couldn’t find either (Thanks, Phillipa). Luckily, we were staying at a rural house just miles from the beach, and the proprietor was friendly and helpful. That first night we saw the beach at medium tide, had some pizza in town, and prepared for the next day.
    The Galician coast is known for seafood, so we went to find seafood the next day for lunch. We got lost (thanks, Google), found a random folk festival (they dress like Germanic tribes and do competitions???), and then had to wait for lunch...at 3:30 pm (total normal lunch time. Spain is not on Portugal or British Time even though it’s at the exact same longitude as those. Long ago, Spain decided to go with Germany🤦‍♀️, so now everything we do is at least an hour too late...but we digress...)
    Lunch was a fabulous mix of scallops and local tuna just recently brought in to the pier. We saw a guy grilling his own sardines as we were walking. Since he didn’t invite us in, we had to find our restaurant.
    After lunch we went to the “cathedrals”. This time at low tide. It was amazing the day before, but so worth it to see in all of its glory. You now have to get a ticket from the park system to enter the beach as it was becoming overcrowded and dangerous before. It’s easy to stick yourself somewhere past where the tide is coming in. Even at low tide, we had to wade through water to see the famous arches. Melinda, though she failed to catch it on film, had a favorite moment watching Maria wait for the perfect shot of waves crashing into the cliff...only to have the wave crash into herself instead...
    We did the beach, and headed into Ribedeo for their “Festival of the Indians”. It was another good time for the blog, bad time for the Mujeres as we drove into town. First we drove through the center where there were clearly people walking in from distant homes and parking lots, but...oh no...Melinda wanted to see if we could find the actual festival. “Turn here”, she says. Maria does so and the inevitable happens...within 2.3 milliseconds, we go from perfectly fine, two lane, paved road to...steep, cobblestone path. And don’t forget...that tiny little cobbled “street”...it’s full of festival goers. We try to go one way and a lady says, “Nope. You can’t go there. Go down to the pier and turn around.” But of course...No further direction. Finally, we are at a crossroads and Melinda asks the oldest man living in town. He tells us to drive down there, park at the port, and take the elevator up to town. Brilliant! We do so.
    Two hours later, we run into the old local and find out...he’s not from these parts😂 Just visiting. Just like us. For the rest of the night, we are thinking, “Hmm...was it legal to park there? Think they’ll lock that gate?!?!”
    The Festival of the Indians is a bit problematic. Everyone dresses like rich Victorians and celebrates the people who returned from the New World. We met a nice couple from Alicante, who agreed with us...why in the world would they celebrate how they stole from and killed the new world natives?!? Spain seems to really have little self awareness about the whole Conquistador thing.
    It turns out, although still a smidge problematic, it’s actually celebrating the Spaniards who returned from the West Indies. Spain is a land that loses people. People emigrate at a higher rate there than other nations. So, we understand the celebration of homecoming. Apparently there are some lectures held in town during the festival, so hopefully those are also educational about what happened to the natives of the West Indies after the Spanish conquered.😬
    Our friends from Alicante had seen us stalking a patio table to eat at and had waited for us to return to finish their dinner (love them😍). We talked for a bit, they went on their way, we ate.
    As we were finishing up, a group of semi-locals (from Galicia...”Gallegos”) were stalking the tables near us. Maria thought, “Well, they can have our table too when we are done.” And then we started talking...and talking...and sharing a drink. We never left the group. We were just folded into it. Now we have new Galician friends, and we stayed and talked until 1:20 am. Poor 9 year old Diego was about to pass out by the time we left. That’s pretty much how Maria felt every night she lived in Spain that summer of her 16th year...How do these people stay out so late?😂 We ❤️ España.
    Remember...it’s now almost 2 am and an elderly tourist (who has no car, mind you) has told us where to park.
    But the story ends well. The port was not locked up for the night. Audi drives another day.

    Tomorrow...”This isn’t a full lane!” Driving through the mountains meeting tour buses.😳
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  • Our GPS system wants us dead...

    9 de julio de 2018, España ⋅ ☀️ 24 °C

    Well, maybe not dead...but stuck...forever. Phillipa, our posh GPS voice who cannot pronounce ONE SINGLE place name on the Iberian peninsula is trying to get rid of us. Potes is where we confirmed that. We really should switch to the Spanish voice because we would understand more, but Phillipa’s incorrectness and simultaneous condescension keeps Maria loyal to her. Here in Potes there are fine “two lane roads”...some even with painted stripes! and Phillipa tries to send us down the walking paths of these medieval towns. She’s a monster.

    Okay, there are two reasonable sized roads...the rest you can walk😂

    Melinda is suffering flashbacks constantly from...well, the parking garage in A Guarda, and well, pretty much every other day we’ve been driving in Spain. Tonight she said, “No! Go back!” As Maria was following a town sign to the town parking lot😂 Phillipa, the evil GPS voice, we blame you.
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  • Picos de Europa

    10 de julio de 2018, España ⋅ ☀️ 23 °C

    “Picos de Europa” is Spanish for...”scariest roads ever”. 😂 We drove from El Bizarro to Covadonga. Covadonga is the site of the battle in which the Visigoth king, Pelayo, was victorious over the invading Moors. Covadonga is in the mountainous national park, Picos de Europa, and there is found the shrine to Pelayo and a modern cathedral. Covadonga is a beautiful site, and an important part of Spanish history.

    After some lunch and seeing Covadonga, we headed further south and east through the Picos to Potes. Potes is a gorgeous little village that was just featured in The Guardian’s travel section...so we knew we had to visit NOW before it got too crazy.

    Let Maria tell you about Spanish mountain roads. They are like New Mexican mountain roads...times a billion. You know the New Mexican trick of just drawing the line at the edge of the road in a little bit when it starts to erode away? Well, they do that here...especially when the rocky cliff impedes the road...however, the road in Spain is ALREADY tiny, so narrower is just ridiculous. Oh, and there are buses...lots and lots of buses...Maria is shocked that her heart is still beating and the Audi’s side mirrors still exist.

    We made it to Potes. It’s ridiculously cute. We walked around a bit, tried some restaurants out, and took a lot of photos...we also ignored Phillipa (our navigation system) a lot. She really wants us to drive down stairs. Maria thinks she hates us, and is trying harder to get rid of us.

    Yesterday afternoon, we went up to see Potes’ main attraction...Santo Toribio...a monastery that contains the largest part of the true cross of Christ. (Stop...they had it tested...) The cross was brought from Jerusalem in the 5th century. It was held in Astorga, but after the Moorish invasion of 711, they moved it into the mountains outside of Potes. They had the entire left arm of the cross. However, under the Benedictine monks’ care, the cross was chipped away by pilgrims on their way to Santiago who wanted a piece of the cross. (Franciscan friars are telling us this...throwing shade on the softie Benedictines😂)

    Maria has to say, to date, this is the coolest relic she’s seen. It even out-shines St. Stephen’s Holy right hand.😂 When the Franciscans took over care of the relic, there wasn’t a lot of the wood remaining. They took what was left and built a cross shaped reliquary for the cross. Towards the bottom of the cross there is a cut out exposing the place where Jesus’ left hand was nailed. The guy at the entrance to the monestary told us we could enter the chapel at 6 pm for an explanation and to touch (tocar) the cross.

    Melinda: “Did he say, ‘tocar?!?!’”
    Me: “He said ‘tocar’!”

    We walked into the chapel, and Maria whispered, “front row!” And there we sat listening to who is now our favorite Catholic priest ever. He actually was welcoming, and answered our questions (ie. half-understandings) and he apparently ignored the “no photos” part of venerating the cross. Had Maria KNOWN he was ignoring this...there would be más photos. Muchos más photos! The bad part about front row? We had NO idea what “cross protocol” was. We snuck behind others and let them go first. Most kissed it. We touched it. Hugging a saint and kissing a cross was too much for one week.

    Maria here: I’m kidding, but it was a very moving experience. I, of course, am skeptical of what the wood truly is, but it is a very, very old piece of wood from the holy land that has been cared for over centuries in these mountains. It feels bigger than us, and I think it’s always good to remember that there are things bigger than you.

    We decided to return today in hopes of getting a photo of Melinda kissing the cross. Apparently you are supposed to kiss it...Jesus enters your body through lips, not fingers...obviously. Today, sadly, favorite priest wasn’t there. It was a friar who seemed less photo friendly. Melinda still only touched the cross. Maria totally kissed it.

    Maria thinks Jesus loves her and is ok that she teases a bit. He may not like her, but he loves her😇
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  • A 2.5 hour drive in just under 6...

    12 de julio de 2018, España ⋅ 🌙 14 °C

    We said goodbye to Casa de mi Abuela and headed for Leon. It’s a 2 hour drive...2 hours after we left, we had made about 5 minutes progress. We didn’t even stop for food, or gas...we just were in awe of the beautiful drive to Leon.

    First, we took a side road to Cucayo. Eleven very windy kilometers...but the most beautiful windy kilometers you have ever seen. We needed coffee, so we found a pension and got a cup. The mother of the proprietor talked to us about the town. She’s known it for all her years. Probably rarely leaves that mountain top.

    Then we went straight to Leon...another three plus hours because every five minutes we would stop for some photos.😂

    Leon is lovely. We’ve already seen the cathedral and it’s marvelous stained glass. It was repaired in the 19th century and all the glass was cleaned. Truly a marvelous sight!

    Then...we braved the cold (yes...it was actually cold!) to watch England in the World Cup semis at an outdoor cafe. We nervously drank hoping for the best...but it was not to be. Maria *might* have had enough sangria to steal uneaten tapas off the next table over😂 Anyway, very excited for Croatia now. The Croatians were waving their flag through the square and singing. It was, after all, very sweet. Go, Croatia!

    Maria’s biggest excitement is that our hotel is directly across from El Corte Ingles. It’s a department store and Maria’s own magnetic north, holy land, etc etc. She’s kind of in heaven.

    Tomorrow: El Corte Ingles all day?😂
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  • That time we saw the Holy Grail...

    12 de julio de 2018, España ⋅ 🌙 18 °C

    and didn’t really realize it...😂

    We started our day in the food court of El Corte Inglés with a cafe con leche and a palmera...coffee and a donut a la España. Headed out for the tourist office and on the way, found the tourist train/trolley and hopped on.

    After the train, it was siesta time, so we grabbed some lunch and then headed over to the Basilica of San Isidoro. The lady said that the tour was at 4, so we arrived then and took a tour.

    (Luckily we did...because the basilica closed early today. They never mentioned that when we asked about the hours after siesta. There are a few truths about Spain: 1) The stores, etc, will open later than expected and close earlier than expected. 2) Sometimes stores won’t open after siesta at all. 3) Dinners, drinks, and tapas will last longer than expected as the wait staff is trained to ignore you for hours. 4) If there is a potty available, it will lack paper, a toilet seat, or maybe a light. This ain’t Germany, people.)

    Our tour guide at the basilica was a marvel. She had the most monotone voice we’ve ever heard. Melinda said, “I missed some because her voice would drop off.” Maria laughed, “it was YOU dropping off...that was a great meditation class!”

    We toured the basilica starting with THE chalice. It turns out that a Spanish historian determined it to be the cup used by Jesus in the last supper...the Holy Grail! Our tour guide had absolutely no affect in her voice or manner, so although Melinda understood all of her words, she didn’t realize that this was THE chalice...THE Holy Grail.

    Zip it, non believers. According to us we have 1) hugged a Saint, 2) kissed the True Cross and 3) seen the Holy Grail. We are kind of big deals now.

    The rest of the basilica contains some of my the best preserved frescos from the 11th century and a 7th century Arabic weather vane. It was also the seat of the earliest parliamentary democracy...in the 12th century.

    We left the basilica and started tapas hopping. You buy a drink, you get a snack for free. We varied between sangria, martinis, and red wine. Now to bed😜. We threw some gelato in for good measure. This is the thing about being adults. We can do whatever we want. Ice cream and martinis for dinner it is!😂
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  • The End of the Extreme Science Adventure

    14 de julio de 2018, España ⋅ ☀️ 23 °C

    From León, Melinda and Maria hopped in the trusty Audi and drove back to Badajoz. We ended up staying in an American hotel, so the parking garage is barely even a story...plus, at this point, we are practically experts.

    What we aren’t experts on anymore is heat. Mind you, we have sweat the entire trip, but we were not really hot in the North. In fact, one night in León, Melinda was freezing...a first for Spain.

    We arrived in Don Àlvaro, and as we exited the car, a blast of hot smacked us in the face. Melinda went to check into our house and was greeted with, “It’s so hot...Go up to your room and rest in the air conditioning. Turn it on. It cools down quickly.” Bless the locals for recognizing the misery.

    Rest we did and then ate and relaxed on the lovely patio. Early the next morning we were off again to pick up the kids from camp in Villafranca de Los Barros.

    We were not missed. Both kids were surrounded by a gaggle of friends. We met new friends, roommates, and instructors. The kids showed us what they created during the week. There was a final Mass (Jesuit school camp), final performance, final lunch.

    We said our goodbyes, shoved the kids and luggage in the car, and we traveled to Mérida where we saw the Roman coliseum, forum, museum, and aqueduct.

    Next up: The Black Virgin of Guadalupe...she’s not a hugger.
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  • She's no hugger

    15 de julio de 2018, España ⋅ ☀️ 27 °C

    On the way back to Madrid, we stopped in Guadalupe...the original Guadalupe.
    *Hold on to your hats here.*

    Back in 712, as Moorish invaders were taking over Spain, a group of priests fled north with a statue of the Virgin Mary carved by *none other than* Luke the Evangelist...you know him...The Gospel According to Luke. Now I’m not sure why Luke the evangelist carved a statue of the Virgin or why Spain seems to have all the original Christian relics, but *Stop asking Questions!!!*

    The priests fled to a river in the Extremadura and buried the statue. At the beginning of the 14th century, the Virgin (like, the real deal) appeared to a cowboy named Gil Cordero who was searching for a missing animal in the mountains. Cordero told a group of priests to dig at the site of his apparition (as ordered by la Virgen) and Voila!, there was the Virgin Mary!

    A small shrine was built for the statue and later expanded it into what it is today. In the Middle Ages, Guadalupe was one of the largest pilgrimage sites in Europe.

    Melinda found lovely accommodations inside one of the cloisters of Guadalupe. She also found the air conditioning switch, so *Hero!* (we enjoy history with a touch of modernity.) We all spent a relaxing, quiet evening cloistered with a wonderful dinner inside the monastery.

    On Sunday we toured the monastery. At the end of the guided tour, a monk meets you in a gilded room and tells you about the room, the miracle, and takes you in to view la Virgen of Guadalupe. She’s beautiful and one of the famous “Black Madonnas” with rich, dark skin draped in gold and jewels...But, unlike St. James, Guadalupe is no hugger. We were instructed to bow. With that bow, our tour of the grand relics of Spain came to an end.

    We continued eastward to drop the car and spend the final few days in Madrid. The Spanish parents we met at camp talked of the “windy road” that leads to Guadalupe. Maria laughed at first...it was no worse than northern New Mexico. She stopped laughing when she realized the curves continued for 65 kilometers, and it got really serious when Melinda snapped, “pull over!” Melinda lost her lunch, took the wheel, and we continued on. That’s the kind of flexibility you need when traveling.😂

    We made it to the airport with the car intact and containing no car sickness...Maria expected to be awarded a medal. Instead, we were met with, “see the scratch here? [Please refer to running into a castle in Trujillo] Next time, be more careful.” Maria didn’t know whether to laugh or punch the Europcar guy. He. Had. No. Idea. What that car went through.

    Next up: Alcalá de Henares
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  • Alcalá de Henares

    17 de julio de 2018, España ⋅ ☀️ 31 °C

    We are back in Madrid before flying out on Thursday. Maria needs to update some stops along the way, but to update we: 1) returned to the south and thought we would die from heat...luckily the local at our rural B&B complained of the heat as well and told us to go rest in the air conditioning before checking in. 2) picked up happy, exhausted kids from camp and met their new friends, saw what they did for the week, and joined them for mass, a final performance, and a meal. 3) Visited Guadalupe and bowed to the Virgin (so, the scoreboard here: 1 point for hugging a Saint, 1 point for kissing a cross, 1 point for seeing the Holy Grail (would be 2 points but we didn’t realize it was the grail😂), and now 1 point for bowing to the virgin of Guadalupe...4 points Melinda and Maria🤗)

    Fifteen points for Melinda and Maria because we turned in the car with only one small scratch! The Europcar guy seemed to think he was doing us a favor by ignoring the scratch and told us to “be careful next time. I laughed. Puh-leeze...we were rock stars driving that car. Next time I buy the insurance and return the car totalled😂

    We are back in Madrid for a few days before we fly home. Today, a day trip to Alcalà de Hernares to visit Cervantes’ birthplace and one of the oldest Spanish Universities.

    Next up: Lessons learned
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  • Lessons learned

    19 de julio de 2018, España ⋅ ⛅ 28 °C

    It was a fabulous time, and there are always some tidbits you learn along the way...These included, but were not limited to the following:

    1) “Mr Corn”, a fried, dehydrated corn snack, may just be the best gas station snack...ever.
    2) You can not ever have too much Tinto de verano (soda and wine), Caña con limon (beer with lemon), Fanta (both lemon and orange), or Pimientos de Padrón (grilled Shishito-like peppers).
    3) Before Spain: Airplane toilets are so tiny.
    After Spain: Airplane bathrooms are so roomy! And they have toilet seats!
    4) Maybe buy the car insurance😂 and/or don’t set the Euro GPS to “shortest distance”.
    5) Always get the second martini...you will regret it when you realize it was only 2.50€!
    6) You CAN sweat when you are not hot.
    7) In the same vein as the “canary in the coal mine”, always designate a “pigeon for the parking garage” in which the navigator gets OUT of the car and CHECKS the path before you drive it.
    8) Check the Wi-Fi and the potty before deciding on a dining establishment.
    9) There will always be stairs...even if there is an elevator, there will be stairs to the elevator.
    10) Pack the Pepto Bismol. Pack ALL the Pepto. Apparently alcohol can’t kill everything😂
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  • A Million Gracias

    19 de julio de 2018, España ⋅ ⛅ 28 °C

    From Maria: I’m super proud of my driving (I mean...minus the bonehead move of running into a castle🤦‍♀️), but this trip was AMAZING thanks to Melinda. Melinda spent months planning where we would go and where we would stay. Ian said, “I don’t know what was my favorite? I liked everything!” I am also so thankful to Melinda’s graduate advisor and friend, Profesora Alicia. Even as we drove the billions of kilometers (I will calculate soon!), Melinda would be texting Alicia to fine tune our itinerary. I can not thank Alicia enough for taking Ian and I under her wing and spending days and evenings with us...showing us around Madrid, correcting our Spanish, teaching us history, discussing current events, and sharing her daughter, Paloma, with us too. This trip has prompted many discussions with Ian of “where should I go to University?” and discussions of history and literature as well. Thank you! Muchas gracias! And Alicia...Encantada.Leer más

    Fin del viaje
    19 de julio de 2018