Camino de Santiago

Yesterday I walked about 10 miles from Acebo to Ponferrada. The first half of the walk was finishing the descent down the mountain I climbed the day before. The second half of the walk was along the road. Walking on the road definitely isn’t as pleasant.

I was talking to the albergue owner in Hospital de Orbigo about the route and where I planned to stop and he told me the section coming up is a lot of road walking, sometimes with very little space between yourself and the cars. I decided to take another taxi to skip this section and have a rest day before a big climb tomorrow up to the peak of another mountain. I’ve been feeling guilty about taking another taxi after starting to walk again. It’s hard to shake the idea that I’m “taking the easy way out” or that I’m not “suffering enough.”

I’ve been reflecting on a quote I read in a book by Adrienne Marie Brown. She was quoting a friend of hers named Idelisse Malave who makes decisions with the mentality of, “If it pleases me, I will.” I’ve been using this phrase as I make decisions - asking myself “Will this please me?” If yes - I do it. If no - I don’t. Would it please me to walk miles on the road with cars whizzing by? No. Okay, so I’m going to take a taxi.

I was also reflecting on Adrienne’s quote - “Your no makes the way for your yes. Boundaries create the container within which your yes is authentic. Being able to say no makes yes a choice.” Being able to say no to the parts of this experience that wouldn’t bring me joy is what has allowed me to say yes to the parts that have. If I had to walk every mile, I probably would have quit all together, or gotten injured and quit because my body needed to stop. On the days I have walked, I’ve been able to enthusiastically say “Yes, this is bringing me joy” even when I’m tired.

It’s hard to shake old notions of asceticism and the moral value of suffering in religious contexts. One last quote I’ll share from Adrienne that I like is - “There is another path that isn’t full of stress, self-doubt, pain, victimization, and suffering. There is a path in which everything is learning, playing, practicing, doing things anew.”

I’m working hard to carve out a new way to do a pilgrimage - one focused on pleasure and not suffering.Читать далее