🎶Honey, I rose up from the dead 🎶

We welcome you with open arms G.O.A.T.s of Mount Olympus!

I know what you’re thinking: did they die? Did they lose their phones? Did John Travolta actually show up, and thus no one needed to call him anymore?

Well, Dear Reader, you don’t have to answer, just ´cause they asked you, as my queen Taylor Swift would say. However, I shall ignore this advice (after all, never take advice from someone who’s falling apart 😉) and inform you of the truth.

It was. So. Boring.

That’s right, ladies and ladlets, recounting your day for like five people to read and -let’s be honest- barely understand, is not fun in any way, shape or form. So, we just didn’t do it.

Simple as that, really.

But we did justify it to ourselves. After all, gen z is famous for giving up, small attentions spans and all that. We were just being true to our roles!!

Which 100% wasn’t true, we literally just got bored. I can’t stress enough how boring it is. I shall now attempt to convey this.

Imagine sitting down, in a grey room (is this a dig at our slightly boring grey house, you ask? Due to the fact that mum is reading this, my answer is, whatt??? Nooooo I don’t know what you meannnnnn?!?!) and someone comes in every ten minutes and tells you about your day in great detail. To be clear, your day consisted of sitting in that grey room, interrupted every ten minutes.

Something a little like that.

But while I felt slightly bad for you, G.O.A.T.s, literally not a one of you mentioned it so really, that was on you. Sorry not sorry? I can’t bring myself to care??

But, never let it be said that I am not magnanimous, even though my once spectacular comedy levels have drastically diminished since I last wrote the blog two years ago (seriously, I was an unstoppable force of laughter. Ask anyone.), and so I will give you a brief recap of this trip.

Beaches, boats, laughs, pools, walks, restaurants, jokes, arguments, Alfredo, marriage proposals, true loves, turds, Norwegians, broken phones, dresses, transitions, ratatouille, butt naked and riding the waves, sea sickness, injuries, Alpes, seven stitches, penguins, Taylor Swift, olympics, goblin runs, nighttime pics, kdramas, ginger cousins, rizzing, patronisers, condescenders, sublime, snorkels gaslighting, teasing, sharing pancakes, Swiftopoly, middle part old money, Name King, losing bets, lights as churches, potato sack prince’s coats, 2 litres of blood, insane asylum dreams, sugar lip competitions, sea urchins, tough crowd, where’s the sound?, NO ICE CREAM, endless running, lie-ins, national anthems, who put that wave there???

No, I will not elaborate, except on the fact that I, Contessa Rubina de Tuesday Casswell Simpson, won the sugar lip competition.

Time for a mention of a few of the many, many funny things said in this time:

• I’m the gyattest
-Dad

• You bring the dips, I’ve got the chips 😏
-Ruby Nacho

• The greek gods must have sh** their pants when they saw this
-Allegra

• Say it to my face, sonny boy
-Tate as Han Jea I

• Stop teasing meeee 😔
-Dad

•Stop gaying it up you t***s
-Mum (to be fair, she was annoyed at the players of the euro cup football final 🤷‍♀️, she is also renowned for her decidedly negative football commentary, with previous offenses including “oh get up you whingeing Spaniard”, “bloody weird French dude”, and “he’s just, like, flopping all over the place”)

Now I know what you’re all wondering. Now that we have had a moment of warm sun (😉) in the form of the return of the gods, will we snatch it away again and leave you with nothing more? Must you get out the mourning black? Prepare for a great depression? Or on the contrary, will you have the privilege to bask in our stories like snakes on warm rocks?

Well, I wouldn’t be a very good swiftie if I just told you anything. Like, at all. You won’t know. No hints shall be given. Or shall they? #321lgb style.
Tomorrow, will you read more?
You can keep guessing.
See, this is fun!

Hey, also follow us on instagram @alolliru, where we post basically nothing but still, follow us. Seriously. Right now.

Thanks!

Time for our honorary mention and minute of silence for our fallen comrade, Lil’ Genius. Moment’s gone, Private ruined it. Anyway, the comrade is not so fallen anymore, in fact she is joining us tomorrow! Did you… survive the Great War? (😉) Peace right out.

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