“Guess what your mum said today”

Hello from the mountains, people of the cities and plains!

First and foremost I must apologise for foolishly posting yesterday’s blog on Sali Mali and Le Petit Prince. That has been rectified as you may have noticed.

Second and whatever the word for not-foremost is, today!

So, I woke up and I was just absolutely exhausted like I did not want to get up, I was thinking “it must be super early, like eight am or something” and then I sorta drifted in and out of sleep, and then I figured I’d check the time and then I was like whattttttt, because it was 11:40. So that was a perplexing wake up.

But despite the fact that it was almost afternoon, I harboured no desire to get up, and so I read on my phone until I saw a message from my friend saying “Ruby are you there?” And I realised, damn, I have left her on delivered for two days (by choice of course, the thing about me is that if I haven’t answered your message, it’s not that I haven’t seen it, it’s that I can’t be bothered to engage in conversation: texting is one of my least favourite pastimes, I hate it) and that I should probably get back to her because we are trying to plan a trip to Toulouse for in, like, two days.

Anyway so I answered her and we managed to make plans (yay) but that took at the very least forty minutes and it was 12:30. You may be thinking, oh no, since Ruby woke up at about lunch time, she didn’t get to eat her favourite breakfast, the one thing that motivates her to exit her warm bed every day, her hot chocolate cornflakes. But never fear, I decided that time is really more of a construct than a rule, and ate my hot chocolate cornflakes with unabashed happiness.

It was as I consumed this delectable breakfastable that Dad exited his room and I queried as to why exactly we had not been awoken from our peaceful slumber, and Dad was like “guess what your mum said this morning”. And I just laughed knowingly.

I should, perhaps, provide context.

So Mum was saying before we left that she didn’t plan on having any “rest days” on this holiday. And Dad sort of scoffed and was like “sure we won’t” and Mum took offence to this, and then Dad turned to me, and said “when we have had rest days on our walking holidays, who has been the instigator of this?” And I said “Mum of course”. And Mum said this would NOT be the case on this holiday.

Well, that was what Mum had proposed this morning. That we should have a rest day. Hence my knowing laugh.

Eventually my sisters made it out into the living world and I said that they should do some homework: knowing that this rest day was more likely to remain a rest day if the parents saw us at least looking like we were doing Important School Stuff™️. So I sort of helped out the twins as they sort of tried to write their Oral du Brevet, and I also sort of flicked between reading and vaguely attempting to write my Grand Oral (which I am writing about Taylor Swift because I have a one track mind).

But despite my best attempts to maintain this nothing day, once the parents got up and we all had lunch (equally as delectable as breakfast, might I add, it would seem that the Roo of RooPaul has still got it in the sandwich making department), it was decided (imposed by the parents) that we would take a smol trip to Volvic, and see what is what. Because it is, after all, a water source, and stuff. Very interesting. Yeah.

However, it has been classed by UNESCO! Which is something that interested me because in my Geopolitics class we are currently working on heritage, and of course UNESCO sites.

So we got ready (no matching colours today, and no need for walkers clothes, allowing me to wear my magnificent skirt) and headed to Volvic in our car, listening to the radio in the hopes of hearing the bopping tunes of yesterday’s caliber. And indeed, Shape of You by none other than Ed Sheeran was playing!

But anyway, we drove to the tourist office, looked around the gift shop, spent an unholy amount of time just waiting for the really slow family in front of us to just get to the damn point, and the twins kept making me smell the monoï scented lava rocks, which is gross because I had already touched one and the smell was on my hands and it made me feel vaguely sick so. In other words the twins are bullies.

And then finally we left the tourist place and it was decided that we should walk down to the center of Volvic town because Dad declared it “first day of ice cream season”! But sadly, after walking down, we realised that this was a massive waste of time because the only other thing in Volvic was a bunch of kids in bright red caps on a school trip. In an effort to avoid the young ten year olds, we ambled down a street. But the damn kids tour was following us and let me tell you, it’s no relaxing thing to be followed by a pack of babbling children all wearing bright red hats who are half your size but are looking at you like you are the weirdest things they have seen in their short lives.

We stopped and they walked past us. A few even pointed at my skirt and laughed; my feelings were hurt, my ego was bruised.

And then we just walked back and left Volvic, and as we arrived back at our car YET ANOTHER PACK OF RED-CAPPED CHILDREN EMERGED. Frankly terrified at this point, I just about dove into the back of our car, losing some self respect as I did.

In the name of my sisters not mocking me I feel I must clarify that this is a joke, an exaggeration. I am not scared of kids. Pfft.

Anyway! We then drove to the supermarket where everyone was weirdly rude and had no concept of personal space, so, much the same as on the day we arrived (which I did not blog about). Ice cream was purchased, as were ingredients for Caesar Salad, a favourite in the Simpson family. At this supermarket there was a ton of sunglasses, so me and my sisters tried some on, in case any were cool. Some swaggy pictures were taken (see below). Sadly I did not purchase any as I am a firm believer that sunglasses, in the same way as hoop earrings, should be absolutely massive: big f*ck off glasses/hoops, as I say. And none of the glasses at the shop quite covered my entire face in the way they should have. Smh.

Anyway, Allegra did buy some glasses (and is still staunchly refusing to let me try them on, I’m considering launching a petition) and then we left and headed home!

However it was ridiculously warm and so I could not even consider entering the jacuzzi: only a madman would attempt to enter those 40 degree waters on a 20 degree day.

However Dad and Allegra are as mad as they come. They entered the water.

Mum and I had a glass of rosé because she decided it was finally a warm enough day to open the bottle, and we all snacked on pretzels / nut mixes / peanuts, and we ate the ice creams we had bought. But Dad and Mum said they were “disappointing” and “unworthy of the first day of ice cream season”, a fact with which I disagree. I am of the perhaps controversial opinion that store-bought ice cream is better than ice cream from an ice cream shop.

Mum also discovered a Roomba in the cleaning cupboard, and put it to use, which was quite funny as she kept talking to it like it was a dog (“no, no, over there, you don’t want to be in this corner, do you?”) and lost all hope a few times when it got stuck under the sofa (“where’s the roomba? I’ve lost the roomba!”) or tried to make a break for it (“it’s somehow actually made it’s way outside!”). This was hilarious to me especially as it cleaned, like, nothing.

Anyway!

A chill time (and a few arguments) was had by all as we chatted in the phone to Lily. But we saw signs of an approaching storm eventually, and hours had passed without our noticing, and so we withdrew into the interior as Allegra and I began to make dinner.

I put on some 1975, we chopped lettuce, sliced tomatoes, made croutons from stale baguette, and cooked veggie-chicken-nuggets. Tastefully, we arranged it on plates and served it to our families who were appropriately appreciative.

Mum tried to give it the “Tim Clap” but has not mastered it in the way Tate has and so Tate was forced to applaud.

And then we retired to the living room to all chill, and I was once again forced to write my blog by the parents, and so I put on some more 1975 (very bopping tunes it has to be said) and began to write. However my composition was thwarted by the decision to have another ice cream and so I couldn’t type anything out.

And so I read peacefully, or at least I TRIED, because the twins were being mental and laughing their heads off, and it was really really annoying, and then mum and dad were laughing at something else really really loudly, a bad joke made by dad (Waters there to do in Volvic?) and it wasn’t funny, and they wouldn’t stop laughing and really it just kind of irrationally annoyed me so I did shout at every one that it wasn’t funny.

Anyway.

So since peaceful reading was over before it began, I went back to writing up this blog and yeah I suppose that was it? We didn’t watch anything as we had finished all three seasons of Derry Girls (sneaky answer to Gina’s question).

Anyway mum and dad are being really annoying. They’re trying to get me to change my music by making terrible puns. It sucks. I am stubbornly refusing.

OH ALSO I learned that we are supposed to get up at 9:30?? Tomorrow?? Are they crazy?? I guess we’ll see if that happens.

A moment of silence for our Fallen Comrade, may she work at McDonalds in peace.

Peace out chaps!Læs mere