Firsts

This is a long story. Lynda and I were each other's "firsts" in a lot of ways, and that turned into a family comedic experience over the years. It begins in Roswell, in 1981. Lynda was at the breakfast table with her mom and dad, getting ready for school. Her dad, JD, turns and looks at Lynda, and staring her in the eye, asked her if she was still a virgin.

Lynda stopped cold and told him, I won't lie to you dad, No, I am not. He continued to stare at her and with all the seriousness that went with the discussion, he asked, "where is he" and she replied "He left for the Marines a few days ago". He got up from the table, went outside and cried on the porch steps. He didnt speak to her again for about 2 weeks.

We ended up breaking up, she moved on and so did I. 22 years later we reconnected and on our way to San Diego, we stopped by her family reunion in 2004. This is where the story gets fun.

JD and his brother in law and very close friend Dan Hudson were at the family reunion. Now, understand, these two loved finding ways to "goose" each other. They were constantly trying to startle the other and both of these men were jumpy as hell to begin with.

JD decides he wants to take his truck into town and Dan volunteers to drive. (In all honesty JD had no business driving but...). So I ask to go along and JD says "Sure". the truck is one of those with 3 doors, one for the back seats. JD is leaning into the truck, trying to clear out space for me to sit. Dan hops into the front seat, and I see him looking down at the steering column as JD is rummaging around in the back. Dan's head stoops down and all of a sudden there is this HOLY MOTHER OF GOD loud whistle that pierces the entire area. I mean LOUD. So much so it caught me off guard. and JD?

He came out of the back of that truck as if the devil himself and every demon from hell was out to get him and drag him down under to the netherworlds. All of them were on his ass! His eyes were as large as saucers, wide open and the fear of God upon him. and he is moving like a bat out of hell from the back of that truck.

and I am in his way.

He comes swinging out of the north forty and lands a shot on my jaw. understand JD is in his late 70's and what would have been a solid punch back in the day? I barely felt, due to the rush of adrenaline and the sight of JD trying to outrun all these demons from hell. and he moves past me like his hair was on fire and his ass was a catchin. and ZOOM he is gone. Not a trace of him anywhere.

I am standing there trying to figure out exactly what happened when I realize that Dan had found his emergency whistle that he carried with him everywhere as in the past he had fallen and broke his hip at his rather large property, and didnt have enough air to yell loud enough for help. so he bought this police whistle and kept it on his keychain and it went everywhere with him.

Dan had found it on the keychain and blew the living hell out of it, goosing the shit out of JD. I look at Dan who has turned around and tears are streaming down his face from laughing so hard, I look over at the porch and there is his son David who is laughing so hard he cant breathe... and I am still trying to put all together...

Eventually JD realizes that he has been had, and Dan had one up on him... Later that day, Dan looked at JD and said "Ya know what"? "You finally got to hit the guy that had his way with your daughter". JD kind of looked around, then puffed his chest and you could see the pride in his face... "Heck yeah", he said...

After JD passed the only thing I asked for was that whistle. I still carry that to this day.Weiterlesen