Changing tides in Gili Air

Since I arrived in Gili Air, I have been struggling with bed bug bites🤕. My night in Pandang Bai left me with what looked like a rash on my left leg and back. The hive like breakout had me confused about what it's cause was. To make matters worse, I could not go in the ocean without feeling the sting of jellyfish🪼.

With discomfort and inflammation in my body, I also started to lose my mind🤯. Feeling a breaking point, I surrendered😞.

My mind was able to see the disharmony and went into manager mode to find relief. Immediate and long-term plans began to morphe into refuge and healing.

Today feels like the first day of ease in over a week.

I broke out my skin suit and enjoyed a day of snorkeling. I am aware that the people I love are in a massive heat wave. I am grateful. Today, I could truly feel the many blessings in my life.

While last week I was in a low, I likely appreciate today's high more because of it.

I've been reflecting on whether hardship is needed for transformation and growth, as I am tired of the combo. Why has my growth tested my resolve? Was it to build my resilience?

My upcoming three week retreat, my hardest (based on observing 8 precepts - no eating after lunch🥴) and longest, has me anxious and already resistant. It will likely be my most humble accommodation in my life based on their description.

My biggest concern is their ban against toilet paper 🧻. I've been seeing hoses near the toilet since I arrived in Asia. I even tried one as a bidet and got water everywhere. They are, in fact, used for cleaning oneself. I guess that is why Indonesia does not like to give out toilet paper either.

I imagine the hose aim and pressure combo will take some practice. Anyways, wiping myself clean is not something I want to get that intimate with - resistance!!!

I think of other spiritual quests like the Native American Vision Quests or Aboriginal Walkabout. These practices are far more difficult than any Buddhist retreat, right? Well, if you knew what is on my mind, you might think twice 😱👹🙈.

With that as motivation, I feel it necessary to challenge myself in hopes of reaching my growth tipping point that I have been chasing.

Also, if you are the praying type, please send some love to animals on this island. They suffer.

I also hope this island would do more to educate on coral care. It really annoys me to see so many ignorant people step on these beautiful living creatures. May they see their harm.

Today was a good day! I feel better. Thank you!Read more