Wien

Prolog

It was really happening – an exciting tingling sensation ran through me as the reality of this journey slowly took shape. The desire to walk through the country was born out of a deep life crisis, and now I will tell you a little about it.

In all the years before, I had increasingly lost myself in my work. Long working days, an incessant demand on myself to meet the expectations of others and to function 24/7 without question, had robbed me all my energy and joy in life. It seemed, as if I was constantly chasing for recognition and only earned it if I was a "good girl". 

Yet, the inner vacuum that steadily spread within me could never be filled. This led to a compulsion for control, as everything had to be perfect, but never anything was perfect enough for me, and so the dissatisfaction with myself grew and grew until I was truly convinced, that a person like me could not be lovable.

One day, I went to the hairdresser, and as I sat in front of the large mirror, I could not bear to look at my reflection. It took an enormous effort not to shatter the mirror, because what I saw was only a great disappointment.

Pressure spread through my chest, breathing became difficult, and I felt so very empty. In that moment, I whispered to my reflection, "How long are you going to torment yourself? Why are you doing this to yourself? It's five to twelve, and there are no more 'be quiet and function' band-aids, there is no more escape!" I looked at myself, a young woman in her 30s totally shattered, scattered and covered in sadness. Then something happened, as I was thinking about the question why I was tormenting myself instead of recognizing myself as a human, being empathic with myself and talk with myself like I was talking with a good friend. 

That was an inescapable moment, one of those moments in life that force you to look and realize, no matter how painful, that you could not continue like this.

It took another year before I was truly ready to face life. Fear loomed in my neck, while words in my throat had to be spoken out. This was the end of an 11-year relationship. I broke two hearts in one, a pain, which I have never forgotten, and yet to have spoken out my truth was like an act of liberation, an unshackling from the cage I had built myself for years. 

Over the next few months, I left more and more of  this life behind me. I sold or gave away for free all sorts of belongings, furniture, I emptied my apartment until I was ready to leave this home and with all the related memories behind. I terminated all contracts, slowly loosen off my self identification with work and by the time I discovered sides of myself I had never seen before.

The notion of performance in everything I did, grew quieter. I did not want to own anything anymore, the rest of my belongings had fit into 3 boxes and everything what was highly important for me before, became less important, The feeling of shedding this weight from my back, piece by piece, made me feel a lightness that allowed me to dream again.

After this challenging year, I was a different person,  indeed for my environment, but in fact not really, I was myself, my truly self, the original me without any masks and still it was a difficult, painful and demanding process of feeling losing everything, and in the same time witnessing how much happier I lived my life  Like the story "from the caterpillar to the butterfly". 

I no longer let dreams remain dreams; it was time to let myself expressing my curiosity, my adventurous spirit and the longing to go wild by realizing these dreams! 

I told my folks: "I will hike through Austria." No one could dissuade me, despite the many objections. My will and dedication brought a sense of self-determination, self-responsibilty  and self-respect and thus an increasing satisfaction with myself, and slowly I felt something like you would call inner peace.

So YES! Through Austria!

With a pounding heart and unbridled joy, I looked forward to this adventure. Whether pilgrim, long-distance hiker, nomad, or even crazy, however one might call it, I did not let myself be categorized. What seemed much more important, that I would experience a time of complete freedom (my personal definition), something I had secretly and deeply longed for.

The idea of wandering through the beautiful landscapes of Austria without a fixed plan was like a gentle breeze that touched my soul. No strict schedule, no planned stages – just me, my backpack, and the endless paths ahead of me. I had neither studied the entire route in detail nor reserved all accommodations in advance. I let myself drift, guided by the spontaneity of the moment.

The first steps were the prelude to a journey that led me not only physically through the country, but also transformed the shape of my inner landscape. Every step, every encounter, and every unexpected adventure became a precious fragment of this unforgettable experience.

Buen Camino!Read more