A day to drive

Sat in my air conditioned room as I conclude my day I am left feeling further strengthened by what occurred. Strengthened is an interesting concept because I wasn’t really aware I was weak until I slowed down this week. True to form I appear, on the outside, fairly strong. Like my buddies I travel abroad alone, planning and preparing the whole event (strength). Like my buddies I navigate language, cultural and ever present legal/medical challenges intelligently and without issue. However, on the inside I forget all this and feel vulnerable. Perhaps it’s an age thing, when your knowledge and problem solving abilities are at their peak yet your body and soul wears the slings and arrows of a life well lived! Anyway my day was spent reflecting on all this and driving to locations in my trusty car that I selected the night before. It was a great day albeit somewhat aimless. I went to Autun today, deep in the heart of the Burgundy region and the site of the one of if not the oldest Carmalite Cathedral, Saint Lazare. I lit a candle for both my parents at what is another impressive Cathedral. The town is Roman walled and has a history dating back to the story of Lazarus, the brother of Mary Magdalene. Apparently parts of his remains exist throughout the South of France and at Autun, he having travelled to France with Mary after the Crucifixion. Autun is a beautiful town with a modern shopping restaurant vibe within the confines of a very old Roman fort. The town was almost empty, which is both a reflection of the lack of tourists and the locals having long lunches thereby closing up the town. It’s clear Covid has had a massive impact on the area as there are little of no tourists, and everyone I speak to is pleasant and welcoming far from the French tradition. The area also suffered an early hot spell in February, which awakened the Grape vines too soon. An equally late frost stunted the growth of about 50% of the grapes, which as I mentioned previously will push the prices up for the lucky people who can afford it.

I had many chats with myself today and most concerned where I was heading or had been. I prayed for my parents and I had a long running discussion about what worth one adds to the world when work stops. I have concluded that life is a bunch of events, some of more collective and individual worth than others. What makes something worthwhile can be an emotion you leave yourself with or in the hearts and minds of others. It’s this last emotion that I think we necessarily give too much weight to. Not that it’s not noble to improve others life experiences but when this desire overtakes ones own pursuit of worth and value our lives become out of kilter. I suspect this is where I am at. I have given a lot of time and emotion away helping others and not really ever stopped to see how it has improved my life. I don’t regret my actions as much as I used to as I have clearly helped people, it’s just that I have never stopped to take pride in that, only to feel resentful. This is stupid because I could have said no, so on reflection I am pleased with what I have done. I may manage my desire to give my time away more effectively moving forward but that again requires a new model of being, which I also need to work on! Onwards and upwards!Leggi altro