Versailles by Bike: Rain, Royals, and a

If you’re going to learn about a monarchy that ended with a beheading, you might as well do it in style: on a bike, in the rain, with wine, cheese, and cookies. That’s how we tackled Versailles today.

Our day started the Parisian way: coffee and pastries, because you can’t rule (or ride) on an empty stomach. We took the train out to Versailles for a full-day biking tour, led by Andrea, who quickly earned the title of Best Tour Guide Ever. Not just because he knew his stuff, but because he kept telling Carrie she asked great questions. (She did.) Though when Mike asked about some trees, Andrea paused and said, “I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t care.” Brutal. And hilarious.

We started at a local market for a cheese and charcuterie tasting—because nothing says “let’s exercise” like eating five kinds of fat. Our cheese lineup:
• Mothais – A soft sheep’s cheese with a wrinkly rind that made us all feel fancy.
• Ossau-Iraty – A firm sheep’s milk cheese from the Basque region. Tastes like a hike in the Pyrenees.
• Comté – Nutty, buttery, and aged to perfection.
• Gouda Truffes – Yes, this is truffle-infused Gouda. Yes, it’s as decadent as it sounds.

For our picnic later, we stocked up on:
• Jambon de Bayonne – Think prosciutto, but French.
• Rosette de Lyon – A classic French salami.
• Chorizo – A little spicy, a little smoky, a lot delicious.
Plus, of course, baguettes, more Comte cheese, wine, two different French versions of chocolate chip cookies, and cherries that Dave deemed outrageously expensive. Andrea teased him about those cherries for the rest of the day.

Despite the threatening skies, we rode out to the far end of the Grand Canal for lunch. Thanks to the earlier rain, the place was deserted—and absolutely stunning. Eating Comté by the water with no crowds in sight? Oui oui.

After the picnic, we biked through the sprawling gardens, learning about the lavish and increasingly unhinged world of Louis XIV, his successor Louis XVI, and everyone’s favorite tragic queen, Marie Antoinette. Of course, just as Andrea was explaining the absurd cost of the Queen’s Hamlet and the royal family’s detachment from reality, the skies opened up. Again. This time, it poured.

We ducked under some trees and continued the lesson on 18th-century opulence and collapse while steadily getting drenched. Eventually, we accepted our soggy fate, mounted the bikes, and pushed on toward the palace.

Inside Versailles, we traded wet shoes for marble floors and chandeliers. The Hall of Mirrors was jaw-dropping, the bedrooms extravagant, and the history—well, let’s just say we’re not entirely shocked things ended in revolution. But at least they did it with flair.

By the time we biked back to the train station, the sun had returned, we were mostly dry, and our legs were only mildly shot. Andrea, still charming and sarcastic, got us back safely, somehow managing to make the ride feel downhill both ways.

We biked back under clearer skies, changed out of our wet clothes, and leaned hard into dinner. Mike, Dave, and Carrie went classic with steak frites (and some burrata to start), while Mike doubled down on Frenchness with onion soup. Becky, however, swerved straight off the cultural rails and ordered pasta carbonara like it was 2 years ago and she was back in Italy. No regrets.

At dessert, over crepes and other sugary masterpieces, we played two spirited rounds of euchre. Each couple claimed a victory, which means we’ll absolutely need a rubber match tomorrow. Preferably with more cheese involved.Read more