To Porto : Uber Fast and Furious

On Monday, I headed for the Lisbon train station after a sleepless night and big breakfast at my hotel. About halfway into my Uber ride, the hotel, Ting’s, called to let me know I had left my string backpack under the breakfast table.

Shit.

My Uber driver, Manuel, doesn’t speak a lick of English, and my newfangled translation app can only translate one word at a time. He pulls over at the beginning of a freeway on-ramp. Middle of Nowhere-land, Not USA. We gesticulate wildly as a means of failed teamwork, but cannot decipher how to reset the ride back to the hotel. I order and pay for two drivers as we fumble about for a solution. Uber to the rescue. Giovani is on his way!

Suddenly, Manual shoos me to the back of his vehicle and proceeds to unpack my carry-on bag and poles. He’s smiling and making soothing sounds in Portuguese. His meaning slowly percolates. “‘Ate ja,’ English lady.”

“You’re just going to leave me here?” I rant. “You’re just going to leave me here?”

Yep. That’s his plan.

Thankfully, Giovani pulls up. I throw my stuff in his trunk and hop in. Giovani has “a little English.” I switch apps to Google Translate, and that sturdy assistant helps me explain my quandary. I have about 40 minutes until my train for Porto leaves. The round trip back to the hotel and then to the station will take 36.

Giovani, 29, and with a sense of humor and optimism much like Jake, tells me “Fast…but safe.”

Off we go, recreating the opening sequence of Streets of San Francisco, minus the airborne moment at the top of the hill. (Look it up on YouTube, youngsters.)

Gio, as I now think of him, starts counting down the minutes until arrival at the station. “Eeeeleuveen. Teen.” Even in a panic, Portuguese is a melodious language. Not super soothing at this moment, however.

We pull around a tight Lisbon corner heading uphill and there.
Is.
A.
Garbage.
Truck.

Gio, now my ride-die partner, yells, “Awwwwww, FUCK!”

This is the moment I stop caring about the train. Gio has my back, and my love. I tell him he’s getting a big tip whether I make the train or not, because he’s tried so hard. But mostly because now we’re both laughing instead of cringing.

Garbage guy helps up maneuver around the roadblock, and we’re on our way. Gio keeps counting down. It’s funny now.

I make the train. Yippiekaiaye.

I tip Gio $10 on a $6 ride. He will be my Partner for fucking ever.Read more