The Mental Camino

Walking solo on the Camino has presented a unique opportunity for me to indulge my introverted side. (Some may laugh when I say that I am an introvert but I do test out as introverted on the Meyer-Briggs Test.)
In my daily life at home I am only able to cultivate solitude in short intervals—in prayer, reading, walking or swimming perhaps.

But here on the Camino I am truly alone for the first time since age 15 when I traveled alone to France for eight weeks. I was so homesick then! I wrote so many letters to my mother, but I didn’t feel lonely as there were one or two fellow boarders to hang around with.

But here on the Camino I can truly be alone and I am enjoying it very much. I have not bonded with any pilgrims except perhaps with Neii, the 72-year-old Brazilian man who has shared several kilometers and shelters with me over the last ten days. Neii is a gentle, sweet soul and I truly enjoyed his easy company and conversation. But I found myself yearning to be alone again after two days of companionship, and have left Neii for the second time to walk his own Camino apart from me.

I have met several pilgrims with whom I have whiled away a meal or a morning together, but I am always relieved to be on my own again after an interval of interaction. Socializing requires an energy that I would prefer to not expend right now, as if it were a precious life force which I am guarding for my own use at present, and am loathe to share it, and perhaps that is the reality of the Camino at present for me. Funny how we tend to think of the Camino as a time of fellowship with other pilgrims all sharing the same direction and intent like a large school of fish, but not always is the introspective side expressed in accounts by pilgrims, I suspect.

While walking I am enjoying a new depth of contemplation in the rhythm set between breath and footfall. I hear the birds and especially love the sound of the swallows, the cucus and the twitterpating sparrows. The swallow song I associate strongly with Spain and their song keeps me company in the cities as well as in the tiny villages. I stand in awe and watch the storks feeding their fledglings in their huge nests on top of the churches, usually the highest point in any village.
I savor walking alone through the cathedrals, spending as long as I want in each chapel, retracing my steps whenever I want more detail. Having no companion, I am delving more deeply into the history, culture and religious iconography all around me. It has been wonderful.

I have not really bonded with any Camino family which is interesting as I thought being a solo pilgrim I would surely gather like-minded pilgrims around me to share this experience. Not so, and as I move deeper into the Camino I suspect the desire for solitude will grow stronger, and I begin to see how one might evolve into a hermit. I think I am a hermit right now on this Way, but I am only halfway through this pilgrimage, so how my mind unfolds going forward will be interesting to observe.

Watching the hypnotizing scenery of the Meseta as it passes by the windows of the bus reinforces in my mind the reasons I did not want to walk it. I know for many pilgrims the Meseta is the mystical, magical walk through endless prairie where one gets to explore the inner landscape because the outer flatness of the landscape offers no stimulation or distraction for the mind. But I don’t need that outer reinforcement in order to go inward. I’m already there in my state of solitude.Read more