Nobody Warned us About…

The 5:15 a.m. Bell
That moment when a distant gong yanks your soul out of your body and you wonder if enlightenment is really worth all this.

Satsang is really the Sleep-Fighting Championships!
Our Eyes are closed. Silence. Soft chanting.
Brain says We should meditate.
Body says Let’s sleep.

Mosquito Nets: Level 10 Origami Challenge. Thought it was a simple net. Turns out it’s an IQ test set by the universe especially in the middle of the night when you must fight your way out of something you trussed up around you an impenetrable net both from outside but also inside.

Floor Sitting. The True Path to Liberation. Cross-legged. Kneeling. Side-sitting.
Rotating every minute like a rotisserie chicken. Bring on the western desk n chair!

The Coffee Withdrawal
Day 1: “I’m fine.”
Day 2: “I can live without it.”
Day 3: “If I sniff someone’s hair and it smells like coffee,I might eat their head!

Two Meals a Day: The Hunger Games – Ashram Edition
Brunch is at 10, dinner at 6.
Between them: the long barren wilderness of spiritual growth, grumbling stomachs, sweet cravings, energy nose dive.

Chanting Words You Hope Aren’t Spells and ones you never hope you need to spell.
Everyone else seems to know the Sanskrit.We are mouthing along like we are in the choir with no idea what the lyrics mean.
“Jaaaaaiiii… something something… Hare Krishna?”

The Jungle Walk of Mindfulness. Silent meditation walk.
Deep peace.
Beautiful mist.
Also: “Is that… a croc?”

The Dormitory Shuffle
Organising our life into one shelf, one safe, and one square metre of floor.
But hey — the empty bed next to us is now a wardrobe, table, suitcase, laundry and office.

Herbal Tea: The Only Reward for Surviving 2.5 Hours of Sitting and please let it have sugar!!!!When the tea lady arrives, the entire class lights up like she’s a goddess entering the room. I love her. She can come home with us!

The Great Vegetarian Detox
Rice, lentils, beans, repeat.
In hushed whispers we ask “Where’s the garlic?”
Ashram: “Shhhhh.”
Our cravings: Chocolate. Bread. Coffee. Wine, salt chilli, onion omg carbs!!!!! Did we really sign up for this.

9:30 p.m. Bedtime
For the Outside world, that’s early!
Ashram us…If someone so much as breathes heavily , turns on a light, shuffles about after 9:35 omg!!

Despite all this…
We are loving it —
the rhythm, the peace, the chanting, the jungle mist, the laughs, the simplicity.
Even the floor eventually becomes… tolerable. NOT the floor. NooooooooRead more