AustraliaQueenslandBrisbane27°28’4” S 153°1’57” E
June 21, 2023 in Australia ⋅ ☀️ 20 °C
Our final day in Europe was spent flying from Munich to London. There were threats that there would be an flight ban across Germany so we were freaking out that we may not make our flights home from London.
We arrived in London with hours to kill. Then came the long haul flight home with Emirates. After a 2-hour layover in Dubai, we were on our final leg home to BrisVegas.Read more
GermanyFree State of BavariaMunichMary's Square48°8’22” N 11°34’39” E
June 20, 2023 in Germany ⋅ ⛅ 20 °C
For our final destination of our trip, we headed to Munich in the South-East of Germany. We checked out of our hotel in Berlin, headed to the Zoologischer Garten train station and hopped off at the Berlin Hauptbahnhof to get the high speed train to Munich.
As the Munich-bound train arrived, it seemed to be missing a few carriages. Jason found a carriage that had our seat numbers but it had a different wagon number. He was prepared to jump on anyway. But apparently our wagon was still to come. Then there was an announcement that our train would be delayed by half an hour. Half an hour went by and another announcement advised us that it would be delayed by another fifteen minutes. This was shortly followed by a further delay of an hour. No, make that 70 minutes.
After 70 minutes the missing carriages/wagons appeared and connected to the existing train carriages. We were delayed a further fifteen minutes due to a damaged part of the train that seemed to occur when they connected the trains. Now we were finally off. Doomsday Jason had the train cancelled, and we were never going to make it to the Depeche Mode concert in the evening.
After checking into our budget hotel in the city centre, close to the train station, we discovered that the toilet wasn’t working. Reception! If it’s yellow, let it mellow, if it’s brown, flush it down.
We had little time to waste to get a quick glimpse of Munich and stock up on a few provisions for our flight home. We wandered around the city centre for a few hours before heading back to the hotel to freshen up and get pretty for the Depeche Mode concert.
Jason had received a message to say that the starting time of the concert had changed to 7:45pm. He was convinced that this was the starting time for Depeche Mode. I wasn’t so sure. I think it was Nanna's wishful thinking; nanna wanted a relatively early night. Fat chance!
We jumped on the metro at the U-bahn, which was packed with lots of concert-goers. A Spanish couple sat opposite Jason and hasn’t realised that maybe he could understand their conversation, which included something about us. As we disembarked the train, Jason gave her a “con permiso” (excuse me), letting them know that they weren’t the only ones who understood (some) Spanish. This was met with a “me encanta” (I love it). Presumably she was talking about our outfits.
We made it to the Olympic Stadium and headed to get a drink. The bar attendant complimented us on our outfits. She loved our style, with black netted tops and black shorts. Yes, we thought it was uber Depeche Mode too.
With drink in hand, we stood watching the support act, Young Fathers. I realised that there was another section. I took a sticky beak and yes we were in the wrong section. We had tickets for front of stage rather the pleb view beside the sound and lighting tent.
Half way through the concert, the heavens decided to open up and piss down. Fortunately it didn’t last long and we could enjoy the remainder of the concert, albeit like drowned rats.
Then came the trip home. Somehow we did a Sharon Strzelecki and barged our way through the crowd and onto the waiting train. We had to change at Scheidplatz but we still made it home before Cinderella’s coach turned into a pumpkin. We got further compliments when we walked past the local strip club about 50 metres from the hotel. Somehow they thought we were twins (from different mothers and fathers).
Now it was time to get a little shut eye before the mammoth trip home.
Next destination: Brisbane via London and DubaiRead more
GermanyBerlinBerlin SchönebergBotanical Garden (c.1801-1899)52°29’23” N 13°21’17” E
June 16, 2023 in Germany ⋅ ☀️ 20 °C
All of the later trains leaving Warsaw Gdanska station to Berlin were fully booked, so we had to catch the super early 6:12am train. Another early morning start! That don't impress me much. They say the early bird gets the worm, but I think we should leave the worm alone. Leave them in peace, I say.
We had to catch a Bolt car from our hotel at the crack of dawn in case there were issues and we needed to arrange other transport. The Bolt driver sped through Warsaw traffic like a madman, and would’ve run down anything in his way. He got us there with more than 20 minutes to spare. None of the shops opened until 6am, so Jason ran to get provisions like he was on Supermarket Sweeps, collecting as many treats for the journey, and getting back to the platform in time for the train departure.
We boarded our train, along with a class full of Polish students heading to Berlin, presumably for a summer school excursion. We settled into our Polish post-World War II train seats, prepared for our six hour journey through Poland and eastern Germany. Again, we were assigned seats in different rows. I think someone needs to fix their algorithm. They probably also need to fix their ticketing system; every few hours when there was a change of ticket inspector, we had to show our tickets, not once or twice but thrice. Doesn't seem too efficient!
As the train crossed the Polish-German border, German immigration inspectors boarded. We were prepared to show our passports, but it seemed they were targeting only certain people. We were left alone while anyone who may have looked like they came from a low-income, Eastern European country were asked to show passports.
We arrived in Berlin too early for check-in so we left our bags at the hotel and high tailed it to get our first fix of currywurst. It had been almost six years since we'd been to Berlin and we were craving the mildly spiced sausage. Over the next four days, we would repeatedly indulge in the Berliner tradition. It was like nothing had changed.
Berlin is known for its vibrant nightlife and that was exactly what we were here to experience again. That evening, we headed to a nightclub with the reputation for being one of the most exclusive and most difficult clubs to get in. But we had no trouble getting through the bouncer. As Roxette sang, "she's got the look .... And she goes: na na na na na na na na." Although we did have to stand in line for about 20-30 minutes while homeless men pushing a shopping trolley played bad retro music and sold beer. As we entered the club, they took our phones and placed stickers over the cameras so we couldn't take pictures and video. I'm surprised we didn't need to sign a non-disclosure confidentiality agreement.
We didn't leave the club until about 1:30am and then needed to catch the U-bahn to our hotel, along with other party-goers. One woman was so wasted she could hardly stand up and looked like she was doing a little Schuhplattler jig just to stand up. All she needed was some lederhosen.
The next day, tired and maybe with a slight hangover, we toured around Berlin. We had purchased 24-hour public transport tickets so we decided to jump on any bus to see where it would take us. It was a pick-your-own adventure until we ran out of time. We ended up at the Brandenburg Gate and the Reichstag before walking about 35 minutes through the Tiergarten to our Schöneberg hotel on Litzenburger strasse. We followed this up with another night out and a trip to Görlitzer park. Rinse and repeat. Remember what happens in Berlin, stays in Berlin.
During our travels revisiting some of our favourite Berlin sites, I became obsessed with the train announcements. Jason has his door fetish, mine is train announcements. It's strange how many of my memories of places and languages involve public transport announcements. I had figured out one half of the announcement, and had a fair idea what the second part translated to in English but I needed the help of Google Translate. Einsteigen bitte (Please get in), Zurückbleiben bitte (Please stay behind). Now I can’t get this catchphrase out of my head. It may have to be my new ringtone.
On our third day, we needed to do some laundry and found a laundromat nearby. We walked in and were confronted with a laundromat of people. It was filled with competitors from the Special Olympic Games, including a contingent from the Australian team. It seems we can't escape Aussies wherever we go. In incognito mode as German residents, we quickly loaded up the washing machine and headed to explore the surrounding area unrecognised.
Our final day was spent ticking off the things that we hadn't done, and also eating some more currywurst and searching for any treats that we could get our teeth into ... of course. It won't be long until we are back home, and back on our diet of dust and air to regain our pre-holiday physiques so we need to make the most of it.
Next destination: Munich.Read more
PolandMazoviaWarsaw52°13’46” N 21°0’37” E
June 14, 2023 in Poland ⋅ ☀️ 24 °C
We caught the ten past seven Lux Express bus from Vilnius to Warsaw. I'm not sure why it is called Lux, there's nothing luxurious about it. There's a toilet and hot beverages. That's it. No food cart or food is included. For those who didn't plan ahead, they were screwed. Luckily, we were prepared as I played tuckshop lady, making sandwiches on the bus. Maybe I could get a second job in a tuckshop.
The almost eight hour journey took us through the countryside of Lithuania via Kaunas and across the Lithuanian-Polish border near Podwojponie in Poland. As we crossed the burger, border security flagged down our bus and jumped on board to check passports and visas. Usually we get interrogated to the nth degree: where are your going? Where are you staying? How long will you be here? Do you have a return ticket. But on this occasion, the border security officer took a look at our passports, eyeballed us and went on their way. The guy in front of us got a bit of a grilling: do you have a visa? I'm not sure where he was from, but the guy sitting diagonally across from us was Ukrainian and seemed to have a permanent residency card for Poland. They didn't grill him as much.
We arrived in Warsaw and ordered a Bolt car to take us to our hotel. When we checked in, I realised that the previously axed Lost World production had commissioned another reunion episode. This time it wasn't a fire drill but a real fire. I’d left my reading glasses on the bus. Somehow in the rush to get off the bus I’d either left them in the seat pocket or they fell out of my bag. Oh well, an excuse to buy another pair.
We only had two nights in Warsaw and we had to cover a lot of ground in that time. Warsaw is the capital and the largest city in east-central Poland, with a metropolitan population of around 3.1 million. The city is situated along the not-so-clean Vistula river. After checking into our hotel, we set out to explore the Old Town or Old Warsaw as it is historically known.
Unfortunately during World War II, 85 per cent of the city was destroyed by German bombing. The German Luftwaffe specially targeted residential and historic landmarks, which meant the majority of the Old Town did not survive. After the siege of Warsaw, some of the buildings in the Old Town were rebuilt but were again destroyed by the German Army in 1944. Following the end of the war, there was an effort to reconstruct them using the original bricks that survived and based on designs and drawings from the past; however, some of the reconstruction didn’t follow the original plans, and there was some attempts to improve the original design. Nonetheless, the end result is a beautiful reconstruction of architecture from the thirteenth to twentieth centuries, and recognised in 1980 by UNESCO as a World Heritage Site.
The following day, we headed to Centrum, a newer part of the city to wander around. Amongst some of the newer skyscrapers stands the 237-metre Palace of Culture and Science, which was gifted to Poland by the Soviet Union in 1955 and modelled on the Empire State building in New York. It's still the second largest building in Poland.
Before we ended our time in Warsaw, we had one more opportunity to taste the cuisine on offer. We had had Azerbaijani food in Estonia, now we had tried vegan Syrian food in Warsaw, and ended it with a Thai feast at a Vietnamese-Thai restaurant. The stern and rather abrupt Vietnamese woman softened when we said a Cảm ơn (thanks). One of the previous Polish patrons ended up walking out the restaurant, seemingly because she was so abrupt. Our limited Vietnamese came in handy. There was no point in giving her a dzień dobry (hi) or a dziękuję (thanks).
After more than 27,000 steps in a day, it was time to retire to our hotel. The soles of our shoes probably need retreading at this point before heading to our next destination.
Next destination: Berlin.
Polish: Dzień dobry (Hi), Dziękuję (Thank you pronounced Djen-kuu-yea).Read more
LithuaniaVilnius City MunicipalitySenamiestisUniversity of Vilnius54°40’42” N 25°17’12” E
June 13, 2023 in Lithuania ⋅ ☀️ 24 °C
From Riga, we boarded the Lux Express bus and embarked upon our almost four-hour journey to Vilnius; but, not before we trekked for 25 minutes through Riga, going slightly off course for a moment. For a second, I thought we might not make our bus in time. Alas, we arrived with a couple of minutes to spare, despite including some buffer time: that was eaten up by going off course. Oh well, we probably needed the extra steps.
We walked from the bus terminal to our hotel in the Old Town, which was about ten minutes away. But it was still too far for Jason, who kept asking if we were there yet. This is starting to become a bit of a theme. Suck it up Princess, you need to work off all those bakery goodies.
We arrived at the hotel and the woman behind the counter stared at us with her multiple pairs of fake eye lashes that looked like she was ready to enter a dressage competition. No, sveiki (hi) for us. She handed us the key and gave us instructions to our hotel apartment, which was equipped with a small kitchen.
We had little time to spare so we took off to explore the Old Town. Vilnius is the second largest city in the Baltic States, only marginally smaller than Riga, with a population of almost 600,000. However, it's Old Town is much larger and better preserved, with amazing Vilnian Baroque architecture, which was declared as a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 1994. The city is sprawled across a 401 km² area. There was no way that we would be able to cover it all in a day. Almost immediately, we regretted not spending more time in Vilnius. The beauty of the city cannot be described in words.
Prior to World War II, Vilnius had a large Jewish population, leading to the nickname "the Jerusalem of Lithuania", or as Napoleon called it "the Jerusalem of the North". Unfortunately the German Nazi genocide murdered about 95% of the 265,000-strong Jewish population. But, the Jewish influence still lives on.
Our dear beloved Rimi existed in Vilnius, but it's competitor Iki had overtaken it as the main supermarket chain. So, we cheated on Rimi once again. The bakery section has a similar range of goodies to those at the Rimi in Latvia and Estonia. The shop assistants were just as friendly and helpful ... insert sarcasm. Unlike the Rimi self-service registers, there was no obvious button to press to change the language to English: it was written in Lithuanian. That’s helpful. Well, Janina was put out that she needed to get off her arse and help us. With a dirty look and a bit of huffing and puffing, she reluctantly changed the language to English. Ačiū (thanks), Janina.
The next time I went into the Iki I didn't bother changing the language and just scanned the items. I had cut down on the bakery goods by this stage, so there was no need to look up items. I'd already stocked up earlier! We had also increased our step count by this stage. The belt notch had already needed to be loosened, and we were determined that it wouldn't go to the next notch.
Next destination: Warsaw.
Lithuanian: Sveiki (Hi), Padėka (Thank you).Read more
LatviaRīgaVecrīgaRiga Ferry Port56°57’28” N 24°6’49” E
June 11, 2023 in Latvia ⋅ ☀️ 22 °C
We took the three-and-a-half Lux Express bus from Tallinn to Riga. The bus terminal was a little too far from the Old Town in Tallinn so we took a Bolt car (like an Uber or Didi), although after all the food we had eaten we probably should have hiked through Tallinn. It just meant we had to hike through Riga to get to our accommodation.
Our AirBnB apartment was located in the city centre on the outskirts of the Old Town. No more cobblestone streets to traispe up and down. We got to what we thought was the building and punched in the code. Computer says no. We walked a little further up the road and finally got to the right location.
We entered the building and assumed that apartment 605 would be on the sixth floor. Nope, it was in what they called the middle basement - not the deep depths of the bottom basement – which just meant that the apartment windows were just above ground level. It was a spacious, newly renovated apartment. This was a luxury for us.
Our usual routine started with off loading our bags and heading to the Old Town to take a sticky beak. We only had two nights so we needed to make the most of it. The Old Town is filled with a few Gothic Revival and hundreds of Art Nouveau buildings. Apparently in the late nineteenth century and early twentieth century Riga experienced an economic upturn and the middle class built Art Nouveau apartment blocks. The Old Town has since become a UNESCO World heritage site.
The other part of our routine is to get provisions, although this time we were determined not to raid the bakery section. But when we saw our dear beloved Rimi the temptation was too much. Like two people with a drug addiction, we kept going back for more ... and more. This time we were brave enough to use the self-service checkout, even though the lookup items were in Latvian. 100 per cent success rate!
The first evening, just before going to bed, despite there still being light outside, I could hear scratching and gnawing in the walls. Perhaps a group of itinerant KGB Russian army rats had followed two itinerant Aussies from Estonia and set up camp in our apartment walls. I mean the old KGB headquarters was only around the counter. The sound was so loud I thought they were going to burst through the walls. Eventually with ear plugs in I was able to get to sleep but they must have visited me in my dreams/nightmares. Apparently I kicked Jason and ended up in foetal position horizontally across the bed. Luckily the KGB rats must have moved onto their next destination to torture other victims, because they couldn’t be heard the next night.
The next day we continued our wanderings around Riga, taking in all of the sites and history. The Freedom Monument, Brīvības piemineklis, is the focal point in the old part of town, towering over 42 metres and made from granite, travertine, and copper. It was built to commemorate those who fought in the Latvian war of independence in 1918-1920. Under Soviet rule, there was a plan to destroy it but apparently a well-respected Russian artist had convinced Soviet authorities to leave it alone.
With the war in Ukraine, there has been a revival of de-russification in Latvia. The street where the Russian embassy is located has been renamed to Independent Ukraine Street, with a massive picture of Putin crossed with an ape draped across the building facing the embassy. Some of the Soviet-era monuments, which had been protected by an agreement between Latvian and Russian governments, have been destroyed.
The Latvian government is also forcing all ethnic Russians to learn Latvian; it’s a reversal of what happened to the ethnic Latvians who were forbidden to speak their language under the Soviet government. When the Soviet Union dissolved and Latvia gain independence, ethnic Russians and their children born before 1991 were not granted Latvian citizenship. Now they have been given until the end of the year to learn Latvian or else be deported. Luckily we’re just tourists and staying for a short visit. I don't think sveiki (hi) and paldies (thanks) would be enough. We’ll be well and truly onto our next destination before we are deported.
Next destination: Vilnius.
Latvian: Sveiki (Hi), Paldies (Thanks), Ass nazis (Sharp knife).Read more
EstoniaHarjumaaKesklinna linnaosaToompea59°26’12” N 24°45’7” E
June 6, 2023 in Estonia ⋅ ☁️ 18 °C
From Helsinki, we took the two-hour ferry across the Gulf of Finland to Tallinn, the capital of Estonia. As we sat on the ferry, we overheard a group of Finnish pensioners. We had no idea what they were saying until we heard the words “Käärijä” and “Cha, cha, cha”, along with the dance moves that have become iconic. We then knew that they were talking about Eurovision. We chimed in and started a conversation with them. They weren’t a huge fan of the song but their grandchildren loved it and they loved the attention that Käärijä had brought to Finland. But they were happy that he didn’t win because of the cost of hosting the Eurovision Song Contest.
The Finnish pensioners also confirmed that it was true that all new-born babies are being gifted with a Käärijä outfit, the lime green puffer jacket and black spikey pants. I would have stolen one of the outfits if the babies weren’t being heavily guarded by their fathers. We noticed throughout Scandinavia and now in Estonia that it was only men who pushed the prams. There were no women to be seen; maybe it was sauna and spa day.
As we docked at the Port of Tallinn, we said our parting words to the Finnish pensioners and went on our way. I said to Jason “this won’t be the last time we see them”. And sure enough we saw them in the new town the very next day, traipsing around Tallinn.
We got to Tallinn and navigated to our AirBnB, which was located in the Old Town in a Soviet-era apartment, diagonally across from the KGB prison cells. The prison held Estonian politicians, civil servants, intellectuals, veterans of the War of Independence, as well as everyday people, where they were beaten and tortured. Our apartment, although only a studio apartment, was a little bigger, and included its own two-person sauna, a luxury not afforded to the prisoners. Even so, Jason was paranoid that the remnants of the KGB bugging devices may still be present; there was a camera installed in the entrance of our apartment! The KGB must have also employed an older lady to sit at the front door to protect the building. I relieved her for a bit while she smoked her fag in the courtyard.
One of the first things we needed to do was to get some provisions for the next five nights and a SIM card that would work in the Baltics, Poland and Germany. We went to the local supermarket, the Rimi – a place that sells groceries, not a place for rimming 😂. We grabbed a few things and then headed to the self-service cashier to ask Margrit for a SIM card. I greeted her with a “tere” (hi). Jason followed up with “do you speak English?”, which was met with a very stern, Russian-like accent: “yes”. We explained that we wanted a SIM card that would work in Latvia, Lithuania, Poland and Germany. I don’t think Margrit fully understood us, but we were able to figure out which SIM card would work in other countries from her deck of cards.
A little over five years ago, we had shared an AirBnB with an Estonian couple, and we had organised to catch up with them. Tallinn is easily traversed by foot, and so we dumped our bags at our accommodation and headed to dinner with Kadi-Riin, Magnus, their daughter, Liesel, and dog, Whiskey. It was great to catch up and talk about our adventures that we shared in Bolivia, all of which seemed like a lifetime ago. With our bellies full of good food – the best and probably the most reasonably priced food we've had since we left home – we headed back to our apartment to get a little shut eye before our self-guided tour of the Old Town.
Tallinn is the most populous city of Estonia, with a population of about 454,000. It also has one of the best preserved medieval old towns in Europe, with many of the buildings dating from the fourteenth to sixteenth centuries, and listed as a UNESCO World Heritage Site. Estonia was also the last pagan region of Europe before the Catholic church imposed Christianity on them during the Northern Crusades of the early thirteenth century.
We wandered around the Old Town, marvelling at medieval and renaissance architecture before heading to the Patkuli viewing platform. We climbed the 157 steps to the lookout, located in one of the most ancient parts of Tallinn, to take in the best views of the Old Town, including its towers and walls, and all the way out to the sea port.
After our tour of the Old Town, we headed to the newer part of the city to explore more of Tallinn, including the small wooden houses, referred to as Tallinn houses. They were built in the 1920s and 1930s, constructed of two symmetrical wooden wings separated by a stone central staircase. Originally they were built for the working class. Now, they provide a colourful backdrop to the area.
While we were in Tallinn, it was officially Baltic Pride, hosted on behalf of Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania. One of the first events we attended was a panel session on mental health and the LGBT+ communities. At first we thought we may have turned up to a session that was going to be in Estonian. That would have been useless for us! Luckily, it was all in English. The following day, we attended the Pride conference. This time we had an interpreter for all the parts that were in Estonian. We were given headsets and magically we could hear the interpreter with a delay, which meant our applause was slightly delayed too.
The conference was very inclusive, with two sign interpreters who took turns. There seemed to be a little bit of competition about who could sign the longest without getting fatigued. The more senior interpreter would jump you and impatiently tap her grey suede high-heels until the more junior interpreter got the message. The more senior one seemed to like to touch her boobs as she signed. Maybe that's her fetish!
The Pride week culminated in the match through the Old Town, starting at the junction between Harju and Kuninga and finishing up at the Kaitseministeerium (the Ministry of Defence). It was well-attended, with 7000 people matching and many of the town folk out to watch. Even the military officers were onlookers, although they were themselves the target of some ogling from the marching crowd. Woof, woof.
Over the five days, we became regulars at the Rimi supermarket, so much so that we should have gotten a loyalty card. They had an in-store bakery and we progressively taste tested almost all of their goodies. Gone with the dust and air diet of Scandinavia! We could afford to eat now, and didn't we just do that. We may need to increase the step count to counter the excess calories.
On one occasion, as we were using the self-service checkout, we had to guess what the bakery goods were by the pictures. Despite pressing the English button on the screen, all of the bakery and produce was in Estonian. I had mistaken my jam-filled doughnut for something else. It caused a problem with the checkout because the weight didn't match. Sveta, the checkout assistant, was onto it, pressing buttons and muttering something in Estonian. Jason quickly asked “English please”. All that Sveta knew was “meat” and kept repeating it: “No meat”. No, the doughnut wasn't meat. Even with her tapping away, playing the cash register like it was a keytar in an Estonian synth pop band, it still didn't fix the problem. This was enough for us to avoid the self-service registers for all future bakery purchases.
There was the one time that we cheated on Rimi and went to the local Prism supermarket. This supermarket had a different system to Rimi for their produce; there was no look-up item on the register. Jason decided that it would be easier to go to the checkout assistant to get them to call up the items. I reminded him of the time in Slovakia where we had to weigh and tag our own produce. Yep, we needed to play a game of memorise and remember the codes for each of the items. Unlike in Slovakia, the checkout assistant was happy to assist; he didn’t throw the checkout divider at us.
Jason’s nickname has also changed from Scourge McScoorge and Touchy McTouchy to Clepto McClepto. Every time there is any free food, condiments or spices on offer, he has to take some for Ron, later on. We now have an endless supply of salt, pepper and Burger King ketchup. But I have to admit, it has come in handy on a few occasions and no doubt will be used at our next destination.
Next destination: Riga
Estonian: Tere (Hi), Tänud (Thanks a lot), Aitäh (Thanks), Kuidas sul läheb? (how are you?, Terviseks (Cheers!), Mul läheh hästi (I'm good)Read more
FinlandNewland RegionHelsinkiKaartinkaupunkiVanhankirkonpuisto60°9’57” N 24°56’12” E
June 4, 2023 in Finland ⋅ ☁️ 15 °C
We checked out of our accommodation in Stockholm and had about six hours to kill before our cruise ship left Vårtahammen terminal for Helsinki. We got to Stockholm central station and had to buy our train tickets from the ticket counter because the machines weren’t working. What does work these day! While I've been trying to learn a little bit of Swedish, I would have made a dog's breakfast ordering tickets. Fortunately, most people speak English in Sweden.
The train ticket guy heard our accent and asked us where we were from. Then he said something about being Russian; I thought that he was referring to us, but Jason reckons that he was referring to the ticket machine because it was taking so long to print out the tickets. The ticket had to come all the way from Russia. If it had to come from Russia, it wouldn't have made it through customs. Entry denied.
We made it to the ship terminal and found out that we could check in early. Luckily ‘cause I didn't want to wait in the terminal for five and a half hours. As soon as we could, we boarded the ship and dumped our bags off in our cabin. We set out to explore the ship before a horde of Swedish revheads/bevans/bogans invaded the cruise liner.
As we boarded, we could see them in their cars getting ready to embark. Later, we caught sight of their long mullets that swept the bikie club emblem on their leather jackets. I thought I'd been transported back to the early eighties when we walked through the promenade as the cattle drive of bikies, sporting either a business in the front, party at the back or frizzy perm hairdo teamed with denim and leather, moved through the ship. There were a few cool rockabilly types with brightly coloured hair, they stood out from the regular bikie crew.
As we explored the ship, Jason heard the HRT (high rise tone) Aussie accent from a group of women. They asked us where we were from and we replied “Brissy”. This was meant with a hissing sound. My immediate response was, “so you’re snobs from Melbourne!”, knowing full well that the answer would be in the affirmative. Jason tried to convince them that Brisbane wasn't what they thought: a backwater village. They wouldn't have it; we don't need any more Melburnians on the move to Queensland anyway.
There was even a huge duty free store on-board and a massive buffet restaurant. We gorged ourselves on the buffet food like it was our last supper before heading to the galleys to face execution. I mean you need to get your money's worth. I snuck in a small bottle of gin to spice up the soft drink on offer. As we were eating, a baby belonging to a nearby Swedish family was mesmerised by Jason. Normally he scares small children, but this one wasn't afraid. The mother even commented that the baby liked him. There's a first for everything.
When we got back to our cabin, I thought Jason was going to strap down anything that could move for fear that it would fall during the night, expecting the Titanic to plunged into an iceberg and take everything down with it. The fear was all in vain. The only movement we felt was the crazy Swedes and Finns partying in the nearby cabins. It’s crazy, it's party. There was going to be some sore heads in the morning. We definitely noticed an absence of people at the 7:30am breakfast buffet. The only other movement we felt was when the ship was docking at Mariehamn, a small island between Sweden and Finland.
After enduring a lot of Finnish karaoke, we retired to our cabins for the night. I mean we had a breakfast buffet to prepare for. There wouldn't be any more food until after we landed and travelled to our accommodation in Kallio, Helsinki. We were fuelled up and ready for our half-hour walk through the city centre and old town, bypassing the Helsinki Cathedral, Parliament House and the Presidential Palace.
Helsinki, the pearl of the Baltic sea, has a metropolitan population of 1.5 million and is the world’s northernmost metropolitan area. Finland is ranked as the happiest country in the world, with Helsinki having one of the highest standards of urban living. But as we walked through the city, people didn't look as happy as the rankings suggest. Maybe they're happier on the inside.
After wandering around the city centre, we made our way to the harbour markets and stopped for some rare cuisine; well, rare to these Aussie travellers. Reindeer hot dogs and moose hamburgers were on the menu. I couldn't come at the moose hamburgers but we did try Rudolf on a roll. Sorry kids, we killed Rudolf; there will be no Christmas for you this year. Maybe it was karma but I had Rudolf repeating on me all afternoon.
I did impress the woman selling Rudolf with my piitos paljon (thanks a lot). I'm sure she was just being polite when she said "great pronunciation". We had thought Welsh had some long words, Finnish seemed just as long. But in the case of the Finns I think they bought too many vowels in their game of wheel of fortune.
We didn't have a lot of time in Helsinki, so we decided to do a tour around the archipelago, which consists of more than 300 islands and a shoreline that stretches 130 kilometres. The crazy Finns love their saunas (as do other Scandinavians) so much that they even have mobile saunas on boats dotted around the archipelago. But during winter all boats have to be taken onto land so their hulls won't be damaged by the ice. There are even special boats that break the ice to allow other bigger boats to enter the harbour.
The tour guide of the archipelago, a pre-recorded script spoken in Finnish, English, German and Swedish, pointed out beaches along the coast of the islands. But they really didn’t meet our definition of a beach. They were more like a narrow strip of dirt.
The tour claims that temperatures can get to 30 degrees in summer, and quote “the water simmers at 20 degrees”, which is still cooler than the water coming out of Brisbane household taps in winter. I think that it might be an exaggeration considering the highest temperature ever recorded in the city was 33.2 degrees Celsius in 2019, breaking the previous record of 33.1 degrees in July 1945. The temperature needs to be almost 40 degrees and the water closer to 30 before we will go swimming. But then most Aussies North of the New South Wales border think anything below 24 degrees is cold. Apparently even a moose swims across to one of the islands because it's so picturesque. Obviously it's not the one that they've made into a moose burger.
As a final culinary treat, we had dinner at the Thai restaurant, Lemongrass, which was located across the road from our accommodation. We impressed the Thai owner with our Thai. She got a kick out of two Aussies speaking in her native tongue, as she did multiple and vigorous wais (the Thai greeting). We actually spoke more Thai than her daughter who only spoke Finnish and English. It was great food to end our time in Helsinki.
Next destination: Tallinn.
Finnish: Hei (Hi pronounced hey), Kiitos paljon (Thanks a lot), Mitä kuuluu? (How are you?)Read more
SwedenStockholmStockholm MunicipalitySödermalmBjörns Trädgård59°18’57” N 18°4’24” E
May 31, 2023 in Sweden ⋅ ☁️ 21 °C
We flew budget Norwegian Air to Stockholm from Oslo. The train was going to take more than seven hours so we decided to fly instead. The hour flight started with cabin crew doing a well-rehearsed, synchronised interpretive dance as part of the safety demonstration – well , that’s what it looked like to me as they flapped and waved their hands about – but it was a performance that nobody, except me, paid attention to. The cabin echoed with hordes of Scandinavians chatting at full volume.
One of the airline attendants asked the people behind us in the exit row if they were familiar with the emergency procedures and they responded in the affirmative. That was enough to satisfy her and she went on her way. Normally, they would ask if people were comfortable with being in the exit row and then give a tutorial. Maybe this is due to Norwegian Air's cost cutting. The previous flight to Copenhagen didn't include any food or drink to purchase because someone forgot to load it onto the plane! It's hard to get good staff these days.
A few days before we arrived in Stockholm, an airport train had derailed, and so there were no trains operating from the airport. We had to catch the local bus to a nearby train station and then change to the metro to get to our accommodation. We got a little lost in the train station maze trying to find the metro. We went up and down the lift before we found the metro. As we were going back up for the second time, a Swedish woman entered the lift and quickly realised we weren’t from Sweden. I impressed her with a tack så mycket (thanks a lot). In Danish and Norwegian, the word for thanks is the same, albeit spelt and pronounced slightly different.
We finally arrived an hour or so later at the apartment, which was located on the second floor. The apartment was spacious with a separate lounge and dining area. But being an old building the floor boards squeaked with every step. On the up side, it had a great view of the street along Götagatan in Södermalm and was walking distance to most attractions.
Stockholm is made up of fourteen islands connected by bridges. But to get to some of the islands you have to traverse across multiple islands before getting to your destination. There are also ferries to get you from one point to another, but we were determined to cover the city by foot.
Stockholm, particularly on Gamla Stan, has many historical buildings, adding much grandeur to the city. Stockholm is sometimes referred to as the Venice of the North, but I’m not sure I really see the comparison. Stockholm is a massive city, with a metropolitan population of about 2.5 million, and it is spread across a large area. There was no way we were going to be able to cover it all but we tried our darnedest to see as much as we could in three days. I think we covered about 7 or 8 out of 14 islands: that ain’t bad.
On our first day, we explored the surroundings of Södermalm, including the Högalid Church. Södermalm connects to Gamla Stan to the north via Slussen and a bridge. The following day commenced the great walk across the city, including the old town (Gamla Stan) and the Royal Palace. I got to see the changing of the guard with all its pomp and ceremony. It even included a marching band. I had to return home before I keeled over with exhaustion. And yet there was still so much more to explore.
A trip to Sweden wouldn’t be complete without a tour of the ABBA museum. I have to say that I'm not a huge fan, but I can appreciate their music and the contribution that they've made. It's difficult to get those Swedish pop songs out of your head. Benny and Björn even admit that unless the melody gets stuck in your head it isn't good enough. At first, I was a little underwhelmed by the exhibition, but as I went along I changed my opinion.
We got to a section in the ABBA museum that included a theatre showing a video collage of different ABBA footage. People were crowded around the edges of the theatre with little room to stand. Apparently I was too tall for some woman standing at the back of the room, and rudely asked me to get out of the way. What was I suppose to do chop off my legs! She wasn't offering to move so I could stand behind her but just complained like an entitled a-hole. Instead I had to crouch on the ground.
Later, I became a de facto tour guide to a group of English women who were trying to work out how ABBA became famous through their involvement in Eurovision. I pointed out that ABBA competed in the national finals in 1972 with Ring Ring but they were not successful. Two years later they won the national finals and went on to win Eurovision with Waterloo.
Then as we were at the end of the exhibition, an American couple were arguing about whether the members of ABBA were still married; I corrected them and then we went on our way to explore more of the island of Djugården before limping back to our accommodation.
Apart from ABBA, IKEA and Volvo, I always think of Stockholm Syndrome, a condition where hostages develop a psychological bond with their captors. It also reminds me of Patty Hearst, who is probably the most famous person to claim Stockholm Syndrome after being kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army. She changed her name to Tania and joined in with her captors to rob banks in San Francisco. I don’t think I’d have the energy to resist any kidnappers at this point. Just call me Tania the bank robber, I give in 🤣. Maybe some rest is needed before moving onto the next destination.
By the way, the Lost World has been axed due to the writer’s strike in LA. But you never know if another network might reboot it.
Next destination: Helsinki.Read more
NorwayOsloDomkirken59°54’47” N 10°44’49” E
May 28, 2023 in Norway ⋅ ☀️ 17 °C
From Göteborg, we travelled by bus to Oslo. The almost 3-and-a-half-hour bus ride was preceded by a short walk from our hotel across the road from central station. Despite the close proximity, we still left the hotel with plenty of time to spare. As we checked in, we were allocated seats at different ends of the bus, even though the first class section wasn’t sold out (as we were to realise later). I got stuck behind a Swedish (or maybe he was Norwegian) Boris Johnson look alike, who spent most of the journey eating with his mouth open, ruminating like a cow. It was like fingernails down the old blackboard. I probably should have moved seat, but I wasn't sure if other passengers were getting on at the next stop. Despite half a dozen passengers in first class, Jason was allocated next to some random person, who ended up moving to another seat but still in ear shot of her ruminating on her food. Maybe it’s a Swedish/Norwegian thing.
By the time we arrived in Oslo, Jason was convinced he had the Rona; so, no long walks trekking through the city. Instead we got a tram to our accommodation. When we got there, we still didn't have the keycode to get into the apartment. We stood on the street like stray dogs, except we couldn't just piss against the wall.
A few minutes before the very late check-in time of 4pm, I received a message to say the apartment still hadn't been cleaned and that we would get the code when it was ready. We could be frozen solid by then, either that or locked up for vagrancy. In the end, they decided to move us to a new apartment; Lucky because our bladders were either going to burst or we were going to piss ourselves.
Not long after settling in, a stranger entered our apartment, but quickly retreated when he realised that he was in the wrong place. How did he have the keycode to our apartment? Maybe he had a room change too. When I called the AirBnB host, it wasn't a good sign that the first menu item was related to missing keys or keycodes. It seems that I'm not the first to have this experience.
We soon realised that nothing was open because it was Whitsunday and the following day was a public holiday. With 85% of Norwegians identifying as Evangelical Lutherans, it seems they take their religious holidays seriously. No food outlets or restaurants were open and the only supermarkets doing business were the Joker minimart-style chain stores. They were the size of a shoe box and had a very limited range to choose from. It seemed the other 15% of Norwegians were as prepared as we were for the public holiday and were walking out of the Joker with whatever they could get their hands on. For a moment, it reminded us of images of the Soviet Union in the 1980s with people queuing at the shops and shelves that were almost bare.
The following day, we explored some of the nearby attractions. The Royal Palace was closed to the public, but the Slottsparken, the royal garden, was open for exploration. It is the only European royal garden open to the public all year round. After watching the changing of the guard, who were all women by the way, we wandered around the city centre. The Opera House serves not only as a performing arts venue but also doubles as a lookout point over the city. The building is shaped like an iceberg, which I assume would camouflage it in winter as the city is blanketed in snow and ice.
For people who live in a country that experiences long dark winters, so-called spring brings some relief. But at 14 degrees there was no way that these Aussies were following the crazy Norwegians in their mobile saunas on the Oslo fjord. They sat in their sauna, and then when they were hot enough would exit and plunge into the cold water. I watched from afar still in three layers of clothing.
The next day was the hottest day we've experienced in the past month. It actually got to 21 degrees celsius. Before it even peaked, the Norwegians were stripping down to their bikinis and undies to bathe in the sun. I did actually get hot enough to unwrap some of the layers to bare some skin. It wasn't exactly shorts and t-shirt weather but I did get down to a t-shirt and jeans.
It was perfect weather to traipse all over the city, including Grünerløkka, a gentrified neighbourhood known for its street art, stylish bars, dance clubs and cafes. After a brief rest, we continued on our journey to explore Vigeland Park as the tourists call it, Frognerparken to the locals. The name Vigeland Park comes from the name of the sculptor Gustav Vigeland, who created a permanent sculpture installation between 1924 and 1943. The installation consists of hundreds of sculptures amongst bridges and fountains.
After more than 25,000 steps, it was a wonder we made it home without wearing out the soles of our shoes. I don't think I could feel my feet by the time we stepped into our accommodation. But there was only time to rest momentarily before heading to our next destination.
Next destination: Stockholm.
Norwegian: Hei (Hi), Takk (Thanks), Ha det (Goodbye)Read more
