This Too Shall Pass

Yesterday was the second first anniversary. This time of my father’s death. At the cathedral yesterday I expressed gratitude for many things; prayed for miraculous healing from the knees down; and demanded some answers to the absolute absurdity of my father dying four days after my husband. (With the caveat that I didn’t want to be stricken down and taken to heaven to find out for myself. With the caveat to the caveat that that presumed I was going to heaven and not to hell, do not pass GO, do not collect $200.)

I got nothing.

What I do have, though, is a tattoo that says, “Oh well. This too shall pass.” That was one of my father’s favorite sayings. Not in the serene “be patient and trust” way, but always preceded by the “oh well”, as in suck it up, buttercup, life’s hard, deal with it til you get through it. That saying annoyed the crap out of me often; it wasn’t exactly the sympathy I was seeking.

I read something recently that really stuck with me. When we’re young we spend a lot of time waiting for things to get easier — when it’s summer break, when I graduate, when I get a promotion, when [fill in the blank]. The reality is things don’t get easier; there’s always something hard lurking just out of sight. What does happen (hopefully) is we get better at dealing with the hard things. Accepting that there will continue to be hard things.

Remembering that, “Oh well. This too shall pass.”

I put my hand on my thigh often while hiking, the tattoo a talisman of sorts when the hills are hard, the pain is intense, or the will to walk one. more. step is just gone. I can still hear him saying it, and it does help.

I miss you, Daddy.Read more