Toccoa River

We decided to go kayaking on the Toccoa River in Blue Ridge, Georgia.

Now first off… whoever designed a two-person inflatable kayak clearly hates marriage.

For the first ten minutes, Dee and I paddled like two raccoons fighting over a trash can. We kept spinning in circles because apparently if one person paddles on the left, the other person ALSO cannot paddle on the left unless your goal is “pirouette directly into rocks.”

Which we did. Repeatedly.

Eventually we figured it out and actually started doing pretty good. Floating down the river, beautiful scenery, sunshine, birds chirping… honestly one of the most fun days I’ve had in years.

Then came - let’s call it - The Spider Incident.

We’re “accidentally” heading under this low tree branch, so I duck a little. Then I notice a spiderweb. So I duck lower.

Then I see the spider.

This was not a normal spider. This thing looked like it paid taxes. Biggest most horrifying spider I’ve ever seen. I launched myself into the middle of the kayak like a Navy SEAL evading enemy fire while Dee screamed, “WHAT IS HAPPENING?”

But somehow we survived.

Barely.

Now here’s the important part: at the end of the river, there’s a boat launch where you pull out, and the campground shuttle picks you up and drives you back.

Wonderful system.

Unless you MISS THE BOAT LAUNCH.

Which we did.

So we just pass it - I jump out thinking, “No problem, I’ll just pull the kayak back upstream.”

The river immediately humbled me.

Current grabbed my legs, sucked me under, and suddenly Dee is floating away downriver by herself while I’m fighting for my life against what apparently was Class 97 rapids.

Dee’s panicking (as she spins along the bank). I’m drowning with confidence. She finally grabs a tree branch. But she’s in flip-flops.

Meanwhile I had actual water shoes on and STILL could barely stand because the rocks were slick and the current was trying to send me to Flordia.

At this point I realize there is absolutely no way Dee is getting this kayak back upstream, so I basically army-crawled through the river one slippery rock at a time until I reached her hanging onto that tree branch for dear life.

I fought the current and finally got her to an opening on shore.

Not the boat launch, by the way. We never made it to the boat launch.

Exhausted, defeated and looking like a drowned rat - someone took pity on me and helped me get the boat out (I might have stood there a minute pulling the girl card).

10/10 experience.

Would absolutely almost drown again.Read more