When i grow up

I am currently on a bus from Porto Portugal to Vigo Spain. Tomorrow, I’ll start the camino.

This bus ride is through the most beautiful towns and villages in the portuguese countryside. The houses look modern as do the hospitals, but everything else looks quaint. If i ever live in portugal, 30 minutes north west of Braga looks like where I’ll try to go.

I’ve spent the trip so far sightseeing and being alone with my thoughts. They’ve range from the absurd (those trees would make good treehouse trees) to deep moments of gratitude for the all the millions of souls who built and created in these places that I am enjoying as well as everything in between ecstasy and sadness.

I am mediating a lot on the idea of living vicariously through others. How much is reasonable? On one hand, we all know someone who is always up to some new adventure. They are fascinating to know and generous with their stories. On the other hand, we all know someone who is just living their life. They love to raise hamsters and enjoy the familiarity of their routine and surroundings. But most of us are somewhere in between.

Most of my vicariously living is in moments of observation, especially as the children in my life live and grow. A lot of my vicarious living comes through movies, TV series and books. And, of course, by witnessing the adventures of my friends and family. And while I am living vicariously through, i am living fully because those are moments of connection, happiest, and rest. At it’s most basic, living vicariously through others, for me, is watching their story unfold while mine holds steady.

But there is a portion of my life in which i must actively live my life. Like now as i travel. Like when i play with the kids or visit with my friends and family. When i discuss what the movies, tv series and books stirred inside of me. These are moments when my story develops and reveals itself.

Time spent working, cleaning, sleeping, and doing other necessary life tasks don’t feel like living to me - the drudgery of it all is always about exercise is survival, even though i find a lot of fulfillment in it all.

And i am hopeful that if you are reading this, you feel as if you are living vicariously through me and it is bringing you something fulfilling in your life.

But there has got to be a balance. I imagine it is different for everyone. For me, i think about 30-40% of living actively. The rest is for vicarious living. I’ve tried actively living closer to 70-80% and it was exhausting and left little room for self reflection. I am afraid i would disappear completely if i only lived actively 10-20%.

Anyway, the ramblings of a tired traveler on a bus. Also, welcome to spain!

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