Finding my way back to music

Today was a hard day. Almost 20 kilometers, in the heat and with some steep and long slopes.

I spent the morning trying to release some pent up emotions, especially sadness and grief. I listened to some meditations, i did some somatic exercises, i visualized and i prayed. But my emotions have long been held under boulders of stubbornness and they did not budge.

As i stood at the bottom of the second uphill climb, i felt the muscles in my legs and butts clench in protest. I looked at my map and thought about how badly I didn’t want to walk straight up hill for a mile and a half. I was weary. So I did what any self respecting middle aged woman would do. I turned on a club mix from the 90s. With Baby got Back in my ears, Sir mix-a-lot and i practically ran up that hill. Lady gaga joined us as did Beyoncé and a few others. I had to remind myself that other people near me are on a deeply spiritual pilgrimage and it isn’t appropriate to sing “put your thing down, twist it and reverse it” at full volume. I did dance a little though.

And as much as i had tried to release emotions in the morning, i found myself so lighthearted and full of laughter. Then i thought about how much i love music. I so often gravitate toward npr, audio books and podcasts that i rarely think to play music anymore. So my friends, as we gather and spend time together, please help me remember to turn on some music and be present in the moment.

As i walk, i also imagine the pilgrim families from hundreds of years ago. I hear the echo of the children’s laughter in the valleys and imagine where they would have played along the path. I also wonder if pilgrim parents heard medieval versions of ‘are we there yet’ and ‘i’m tired’ as they completed this same path.

As i came down from the hill, there was a very small stone church. I didn’t get its name but i think it was about 400 years old. I went inside and prayed. I prayed for a very close friend who is in the midst of a health issue. I prayed for her family and for all of us that love her. I asked for the power of every soul who had ever been in that church to protect her. And then the tears came. Big ugly tears with hiccups and snot. They lasted for a long time after and i walked about 45 minutes while i sobbed and blubbered - other pilgrims gracefully pretended not to notice.

I am going to take a well earned nap now. Tonight i will go and do some sightseeing and each some gelato (turning i to a daily habit).

I’ve walked almost 73 kilometers (45 miles) since leaving home last week. Most of that was sightseeing but the camino kilos are quickly adding up.

I have more thoughts - on religion and on the will to live. Maybe ill write them tomorrow or the next day.Read more