Barnaby Sayce

Hired a dirt bike and had a guide take me out into the endless miles of trails around Moab today.

The views were out of this world, it felt like I was riding on the moon a lot of the time. Crashed twice, one was a low speed drop, the other more of a thrown over the handle bars at 30mph situation... thank god for deep sand... although I wouldn't have come off if the deep sand hadn't been there. I also weed myself a little riding along a terrifying dirt road on a cliff edge, sandy, gravelly, 100ft drop at the side and nothing to stop you if you get it wrong... fortunately I didn't!

The day was made all the more hilarious by Jim my guide (or Jim Trump) as he will be known from now on. He started a lot of his sentences with "I'm not racist but..." which is obviously not going to be followed up by a statement of support for the black lives matter movement. I learnt all about his Thai mail order wife (genuinely not a joke, and ironic given his views on every minority group) who he doesn't love and she knows his rules, "it's a sex only thing" (this was half an hour after I met him) and his girlfriend in New York and his other girlfriend in Denver... he was a very popular man by the sounds of it. He also had quite strong views on gun control "they're takin' our fuckin' guns away man"... the mug he gave me my coffee in in the morning set the tone really...

... Oh and Jim Trump's favourite mattress is the one he found on the side of the road... yep, it's not only his favourite mattress for sleeping but also apparently very good for having sex on... (I was told this 1 hour after meeting him).

He did take me out in his Baja rally truck though after we'd been biking... so he does win back a few points for that... oh and the truck was sponsored by discountstrippers.com... obviously. Once we'd finished for the day he offered me his trailer for the night if I didn't want to ride back to Green River which was very kind of him but... no... thanks... ill be cold for an hour riding back to the motel rather than sleeping on his stained pavement mattress.

Other than a (hopefully not) broken finger, today has been mind blowing in so many different ways.

#JimTrumpForPresidentEn savoir plus