Burning shit bags, yes, literal shit

4 strangers, 1 cabin, 16 days, and lots of shit bags.

Did I mention one of the strangers was my new boss? I don't know why HR departments don't put all their new hires on an island in the arctic with their new boss for 16 days in a primitive cabin. You just cross a threshold when your boss sees you grab some toilet paper to go do some business or you see your boss getting dressed out of their jammies in the morning and brushing their teeth. Reality. But, the best part? The best part is your boss explaining the best way to layer helicopter fuel (jet-A or B) into the burn barrel to make sure the bag full of human excrement burns well. And, note, NEVER use regular gasoline to burn a shit bag. Explosions of feces occur and no one is a winner when that happens. (I did not learn this from experience. Nope, that pearl was passed along by, you guessed it, my boss). Some bosses tell you how to fill out time sheets, or best practices for running the monthly team meeting. Not mine. We go over important details like how lavender lysol over top your most recent business in the shit bucket really does hide the smell and how you never leave the cabin at night without first poking the flashlight out the door to check for polar bears (which, does, in fact, really make you evaluate seriously your need to pee and whether you can hold it until morning light).

To be honest, burning the trash isn't so bad. We double line the poop bucket and there's even a seat mounted on the plywood hole, although, someone wasn't super great with a jigsaw and the hole isn't perfectly round. This means that a little too much time on the seat and the plywood edge sticking out becomes might uncomfortable. Not that you'd spend too much time out there because, well, it's damn cold in the bathroom. That's right, the cabin, a whole 12 ft x 15 ft, had a separate room (with the door outside) for the bathroom. Great privacy actually. Not warm, but private. You see the bucket filling up and you simply pull out the bag, douse with Jet-A and watch the fireworks. It takes several hours to burn down to nothing because while the jet fuel is smooth, it burns fast so you have to continue to add more to dry out the human waste so it will burn. Then, some shoveling and pushing around of the half burned poo and you're ready for more Jet fuel. I'm telling you, the fun never ends on Allen Island.

I'm sure you're well done with the shit burning, but you know, that's why I got a Ph.D...so I could burn human waste on a remote island. Did I mention I was also the camp cook? hahaha---anyone else just cringe thinking about potential fecal-oral contamination?? Not to worry---no one got sick on my food. Had a 3 burner propane camping stove which was great, but hard to manage the "heat" settings.

I'll write more in the coming days, but for now, I'll sign off because it's been a very long day. If you've ever had to push an atv up ramps into the belly of a plane, you'll know why I'm tired. Gee Wilikers!Read more