A truly hard, heartbreaking goodbye

Today was hard, harder than I'd ever imagined. We've had a rather busy and productive last week. Every evening has been filled with planning, packing or cleaning that it has kept us from thinking about the reality that we were leaving. We managed to rearrange our days off with Bruce so we had a day together to do one last trip to Tekapo. It was a rather miserable looking Tuesday but 20 minutes away from the lake it was as if the mountains were holding back the rain and we entered a little bubble of glorious weather. All the lupin flowers were in bloom which added a burst of colour to the shore side of the turquoise lake. We had a lovely time walking around, eating our last Fairlie pies and visiting the gift shops we've never gone to. We had planned to go out for a meal but after discovering the restaurant didn't open until 5 we decided to get the homemade pizzas from Pak'n'save instead. On Thursday night we had a joint goodbye meal out with the farm staff. Another guy called Shane who use to be Bruce's 2IC but had just come back to do milking was also leaving. Despite half the farm not coming we had a nice evening and were even gifted a $40 voucher off the meal by our friends Tarran and Grace. Bruce and Candy paid for everyone's drinks which was also completely unexpected. Then came Friday, my last day with the girls. I was in a rather low mood because everything I did I realised would be the last time I do it. The last time I do breakfast, the last time I do their hair and even the last time I drop off and pick up Cass from preschool. I gave the teachers some chocolates and had an emotional goodbye. They want me to go home and train to be a preschool teacher and then they "will get me back into the country". When we came home Bruce and Candy were there as well. Cassidy gave me a rock that says "world's best nanny" on it. I gave them the presents I'd gotten everybody as well as a card I wrote to the girls. Bruce cried when he read it and then it started to hit me that this is actually happening. When I left that night I gave the girls massive cuddles and had a brief emotional goodbye with Bruce. He thanked me but started crying and I had to leave before I started as well. Yesterday we were able to go to Peel Forest between cleaning so Nick could have his first go at riding a horse. We had a great time and Nick really relaxed into it by the end. We walked through the rivers and streams that wind through the forest and then at the end of the hour our horses sprinted us up the hill back to the stables. Nick was behind me and was shouting continiously for me to hold on as I bounced up and down off the seat. It was pretty cool but I was glad the horses got some well deserved food and water after that. Then came Sunday and we had a mad final clean of the house. Luckily we didn't have to leave until 11ish but it was very close to the wire when it came to cleaning and doing washing. Bruce took us to the bus stop with the girls because Candy was away for the night. We had a coffee together then waited on the bus stop. There was a heavy vibe of sadness over us all. As I hugged Eliza I started crying realising this was really happening. This started Bruce off and we all had as many cuddles as we could through the tears. Then the bus came and we made our way upstairs to a window seat. I then saw Cassidy was crying too and it tore my heart to pieces. That was the hardest bus ride I've ever taken and I couldn't stop crying for almost the whole 2 hours. Somewhere amongst the sadness we picked up our hire car, went shopping and drove out to Akaroa. We treated ourselves to a meal at a waterside bar which had a girl with a beautiful voice singing live. As lovely as it all was I was feeling as grey as the sky and I think it will take a long time to get over that feeling. We just have to try and throw ourselves into the experiences we have the opportunity to do and try and make the best of it. I feel honoured to have loved and been a part of those two girls lives and despite how I'm feeling right now I wouldn't change the time we had together for the world.Читать далее