Yellowstone Road Race

We signed on to take a 90 mile snowmobile ride through Yellowstone National Park assured that the leader would not exceed 35 mph. I thought this would be an excellent way to enjoy the lovely snowfall amid mountains of aspen trees. However, after dressing us like astronauts and giving us a brief introduction to the snowmobile, our leader set off at a pace well in excess of forty miles per hour. Due to the “slinky effect” we in the back sometimes had to reach sixty miles an hour to keep up with the machine ahead. Then I had to come to what would have been a screeching halt had we been on dry pavement. I spent most of the day driving dangerously fast for a snowmobile rookie. It was snowing heavily and the temperature was in the teens with fifty mile per hour winds. The heavy clothing and helmets kept us dry and quite comfortable, though. As I tore through the woods, there was little opportunity to appreciate the wonder of this beautiful snowscape. It was all I could do to focus on the snow machine in front of me. We did stop several times along the way to delight in the winter wonder, and to learn about the geothermal uniqueness of Yellowstone. We saw Old Faithful erupt, then took a walk around the Jewel Geyser nearby. I offered a sincere prayer of thanksgiving when we returned safely to the facility, where we deposited our snowmobiles, and shed our heavy clothing, transformed into ordinary humans again. We boarded the bus and fourteen very weary travelers returned to Jackson Hole’s cozy cabins. A herd of bison blocked traffic for twenty minutes as they crossed the road. Before the last one crossed, the head bison changed his mind and they all went back across the road they had just crossed. Glenda and I walked downtown for a pizza and returned exhausted to our cabin. All things considered, it was an excellent, though arduous day. I’m glad we did it, but once is enough. The folks who provide this trip delivered what they promised, but they are serious about snowmobiling. On the wall over the mantelpiece I would suspect they have a photo of Evil Knievel rather than John Muir.

Glenda’s reflections:

1. Yellowstone is beyond breathtaking in the winter. Snow blankets the trees, lakes are frozen, waterfalls are partially frozen and rivers cutting through a wilderness of snow offer a beautiful contrast. Amid all of this glorious beauty, we were hanging on for dear life as we scooted along at 60 mph. It was snowing and the wind was gusting at 50 mph . The snowmobile company said that our maximum speed would be 35 but the only time I saw 35 was when we were starting out. When I realized that the snowmobiles were basically motorcycles on skis, I decided that I would ride with our guide Boone on the back of his snowmobile. For seven hours I held on to my little handlebars and was very grateful that I was not driving. Chuck was behind me on his own snowmobile and I had no idea where he was or how he was doing. We both commented that the scenery would have been even more lovely had we been able to see it at about 10 mph as opposed to 50 mph. Since there had been snow the night before and all day during the day, there were no ruts for the snowmobiles to travel in and so it was a very bumpy ride. But we lived to tell the tale.

2. Do not sneeze while wearing your snowmobile helmet with the visor down. I could not let go of my handlebars for fear of flying off and down into a ravine so I sneezed wearing my helmet. I sneezed five times actually. Trust me, this was not a good idea. Any moisture inside of your visor freezes. I don’t think I need to say anything else about this.

3. Do not fall into a 4 foot deep snowbank in your snowmobile suit. Under my suit I was wearing long underwear, tights, ski bibs, a long sweat shirt and two coats. We were walking around looking like astronauts on the moon with very little flexibility since we were so bundled up. A lawyer from New York (need I say more) bumped me on his way to the frozen lake and down I went into the 4 foot snowbank. I was like a turtle on its back. I couldn’t roll over, I couldn’t even move because I was buried in snow. And when you fall in snow, your fall is silent so Chuck never knew I had hit the snowbank. There is an old question : “if a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make any noise?“ The issue is, “is there snow on the ground or not?” Because if there is, nothing makes any sound, not a tree, not me, nor anything else that falls in the snow. Thankfully another guide walked by and pulled me up.

4. My final observation is that when you are in your snowmobile clothes you cannot go to the bathroom.
And if you try to go to the bathroom, it takes you 15 minutes just to take off clothing, use the bathroom and then put it all back on. It’s easier just not to go the bathroom. For the first time in my life, I thought Depends would be a great idea.Read more