Movie Stars✨ & Machetes

With honeyed coaxing the prime, fat bule were herded up the hill, every step and drop of sweat recorded by the faithful camera crew retinue as we entered the forest. Just "one kee-lomita" we were encouraged as the elevation and puffing increased.

The forest closed in and darkened, the track grew narrow and muddier as we starting passing coffee trees bursting with red beans that would easily sufficed for our slave labour... but still we stomped on, the video cameras and random's mobile phones filming the huffs and puffs. It was starting to feel like a movie but not with a good ending.

After a lot more steps we paused and Koffee Kamal set the filmset crew and began to soliloquy the plantation's advantages straight down the lens, the green leaves and red beans of the coffee tree all around.

We were then pushed up through the scrub to the most inaccessible bushel and shown the dexterous speed and efficiency required. Ants ran down our hands, leaves slapped our faces as our clumsy attempts did little to fill our baskets. The cameras eyes then moved to focus on Eric, the fattest one, and he blossomed and shone under the spotlight, posturating and pantomiming as directed.

Meanwhile my suspicions of being kidnapped and buried grew as did my dire need for white porcelain. Eric finally appeared with his supporting actors and crew with lots of male guffawing and bravado.

Then the machetes appeared... as did a gang of plantation workers all curious what the fuss was with the bules.

In panic I determinedly intoned our intentions of wanting to leave but Eric was able to dodge the arrows I stared at him and continued to bask in the adoration. Eventually he picked up on my psycho panic vibe and intimated it was time to go but was still persuaded and press ganged into joining in the coffee washing process and a revelation of a 9th century temples on the return trek.

The temple was very beautiful even though earthquakes had forced many rebuilds. A dreamlike and tranquil green floating cloud.

To fast forward, we made it back, after copious coffees, profusions of wanting to leave, promises of fame and most importantly a once white porcelain throne.

4 hours of traffic later we arrived at our accom, but in my weariness and hunger found I still found enough fault to force me to take action and find accom with less stained sheets.

Phew 😐

Dinner consisted of the blackboard special at our digs: 3 margherita pizzas and 3 mojitos for $20. Tomato-less and basil free circles of bread arrived and mojitos that had lost their rum. We had a lot to be thankful for narrowly escaping Eric being made their Jungle King George Clooney.Read more