Dijon, France. Non merci.

Crossing the Swiss / French border around 1530, we finally arrive in Dijon, France around 1900. Noting this is the 2nd last night of the tour, and our first of two nights in Paris, a small group of us head out on a tram to Dijon square. It's Saturday night. It's busy. Getting a table for 7 is next to impossible.

We eventually find a bar that also serves food. Hardly ideal for the children in our group though, nearing 2030, it'll have to do. Mason, our lead navigator, does a spectacular job of leading us to correct tram numbers and finding possible venues to dine. He is 12. I'm 45. I hang my head in shame and accept navigation and I are never going to be mates.

Tired, exhausted, we head back to our hotel. I decide to enjoy a long hot shower. Sometime near the conclusion of my shower, I am horrified / mortified to find a man entering my bathroom. The stuff of horror movies I feel. There's nowhere to hide. I am completely starkers. Like most of us are when showering. I scream. I yell. "What the f*ck!", grab a towel and chase this man out of my room.

I see the room filled with steam, which had caused the fire alarm to trip. I calm myself and realise I've now transformed the bedroom into a steam room. Also. Heard of exhaust fans France?

The mortifying experience continues as the next entourage, tour director Luigi and hotel representatives knock at my door to see if I'm alright. I yell through a crack in the door. It was the steam!! I don't smoke!! I'm not okay! I've just been viewed in my birthday costume by a complete stranger!

I learn over breakfast the following morning, several guests had assembled in the foyer to evacuate, anticipating a fire. Not only am I overwhelmingly humiliated for the intrusion and exposure, I've also interrupted an entire hotel. I was just showering! Luigi assures me the only issue he has is not knowing it was my room, and him not being the first responder. And how lucky the hotel employee was to view such a beautiful woman. Not reassured, I accept I can only move on.

Dijon, thanks for the mustard. That's about all I've got for you.

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