Cee to Finisterre

At the beginning of this Camino the word "pilgrim" was an awkward word on my tongue. I began this trip as a "hiker" and though, I knew I was also going to "walk 'it' off", it was difficult to think of myself as a pilgrim. A pilgrim is a person who is motivated by faith and a deep acceptance of hardship and suffering for the sake of the pilgrimage. But after walking across northern Spain from southern France to the "end of the world", I have become a pilgrim. I understand and accept the challenges I faced as part of the becoming a pilgrim. The challenges were necessary. As I walked further and further west, I rediscovered a deeper faith in God and in myself. I am a pilgrim of the Camino Frances, and I will forever be thankful for this journey, for this pilgrimage.

When I arrived in Santiago, I think I was a bit in shock that I had travelled so far, and it was a bit unbelievable, and then as the days went on, the realization that something was definitely ending since much of my Camino family began to travel in different directions, the fears of not being enough began to flirt with me.

I left Santiago determined to walk to Finisterre. As I approached Finisterre, I could see across the sea, in the distance, the peninsula that marks the "end of the world", and I picked up my pace, despite the hills and the sun until I arrived. I arrived with tears filling my eyes because I knew in that moment that I no longer would wake up everyday, and follow the yellow arrows. That from that moment, the only arrows I would follow would be the ones of my own making. From that moment on, my journey is 100% my own. The journey begins when the journey ends has become my truth.

This may seem obvious to my readers, but to my 60 year old self, this is a revelation. I have lived nearly my entire life framed by my fears of not being enough. I trusted the pillars of support I built to hold me up, but when those pillars, one by one, came crashing down, I was left standing alone, directionless, and paralyzed by my fears of not being enough. On this pilgrimage, the "it", I was "walking off", were my fears. But by, everyday, following the yellow arrows, the fears, the paralysis lifted, I learned to know that "I am enough". So I cried when I reached the "end of the world". Not tears of fear, but tears of joy, accomplishment, freedom and peace. Not only did I "walk it off", I arrived, and I am enough.

The lighthouse built in 1853, marks the spot for millennia where people have gathered to the place where land, ocean, sky and sun intersect and at the intersection all four alchemical elements meet: earth, air, water and fire. Finisterrans believe St. James came here to preach, Jesus touched this spot and Mary appeared to encourage Santiago (St. James the Great) to continue evangelizing. And to this day, when pilgrims arrive at this historically and religiously important point, in our hearts we are finally faced with knowing that ahead lies a "horizon of possibilities with the new perspectives earned from walking the Camino." (Moon, 2023).

I am excited to meet myself when I return home. I am ready to return home and follow my own arrows. I am excited to be making a new home for myself and my children and grandchildren. I am enough. I am excited to play pickleball, go to church, meet friends, go to the gym, go to market, cook meals, go running. All the ordinary things that make up day to day life excites me. I am enough. I am excited to go on outings and picnics with the grandchildren, make lego, paint, make cookies, and be in relationship not only with my grandchildren, but my children in meaningful ways. I am enough. I am excited to find moments of solitude and read or sew, or reflect. I am enough.

Would I walk another Camino? Maybe...I think at this point, it would be hard to convince me to walk a kilometre, but if ever I felt a life crisis again, in a heartbeat, I would walk the Camino Frances again solo and be open to the journey of faith and discovery. But today, I am confident that my pilgrimage has healed. The only arrows I will follow will be my own, and for this new journey, I am enough.Read more