Legian

Woke up to a windy, overcast morning. Mick did a 20 minute swim while I made coffee and started some prep for breakfast. We're off to Uluwatu today with Wombat the driver picking us up at 9.00 (rockin' his lime green flouro sunglasses). So we cooked our own breakfast: bacon, scrambled eggs and toast.

On the road now...
- In the rush hour traffic in Kuta
- Lots of trucks and motorbikes.

Today is an auspicious day of prayer for the Hindu goddess Sarasvati who reigns over knowledge. It's also doubly auspiciously because it's a full moon. We're therefore expecting a lot of activity there at the Pura Luhur Uluwatu, aka the monkey 🐵 temple.

- Lots of dogs looking like they were all bred from the same parents
- Just saw six cows in the forest
- A man selling knives from a handcart
- Two little boys on a motorbike with their mum all dressed up in traditional clothing!
- Small and large shrines everywhere in black lavastone twith offerings and swathed in black and white checked fabric, sometimes with a matching Balinese umbrella
- Morning market, colourful fruit and vegetables
- Going through the local streets of Jimbaran: fan shops, mattress shops, warungs, cane shops, motorbike shops, laundries, cheap clothing.

Arrived at the Garuda Vishnu Park – home of the world’s fourth highest statue. It was ticket hell. We just wanted to see the exterior of the monument, and not all the gazillion configurations of the park, as well as the shuttle to and from the base of the monument. Anyway, some were via QR code; some were cash; some were out of an ATM type machine. We had so many freaking pieces of paper to show people. Anyway, the statue was very impressive. A limestone Vishnu atop a massive Garuda and a golden brass face of Vishnu.

Off again in the car
- Single lane of bumper to bumper traffic, motorbikes zipping past
- Mini trucks with horns that sound like a barking dog
- Two stupid whities on a motorbike with a one year old baby on the front. No helmets!
- Flock off sparrows all hopping up a hill together
- Lumber shops
- A fat golden puppy scoffing into the offerings at a roadside shrine.

Bloody hell. Pura Luhur Uluwatu. Monkey hell! This was my fourth visit to this stunning but very peaceful Hindu temple. It’s always a joke to watch out for your belongings because the monkeys like to grab people’s belongings – hats and sunglasses and such. The monkeys are very cheeky but today were downright cunning and viscious. No sooner than we had walked down through the beautiful forest to the temple proper when a person’s sunglasses had been taken and that’s just the beginning. Wombat joined us (unusual) and we realised later he was acting as monkey lookout for us while we wandered around. The little fuckers are a dirty rat colour and naturally quiet and before you know it they’re at your feet or behind you or hanging above you. OMG they loved Jackie! Whether it was he billowy skirt or what but they came for her. She braved to turn and growl at one and it went for her so Wombat hit it with a stick (funny; not funny 😊😊). But then, a little girl – maybe seven years old? – with a young Indian couple, well they attacked her little slip-on rubber sandals (they had a shark face on them so maybe they were just protecting their territory). The family ran of course from the narrow pathway of the attack and grouped with us for protection at a bigger clearing while her Dad went to try and see if the fucker had dropped the said shoes. Poor girl was traumatised. Dad came back emptyhanded and Wombat went to look too and found a shoe with a big bite taken out of it. While we were all examining the shoe and nodding at it like fucking David Attenborough another fucker ran for Jackie so Wombat threw the shoe at it which the fucker grabbed and happily started eating it. (Note; writing this I’m lauging so much I’m crying). We also saw a woman in a Chinese tour group dressed in a cream chiffon dress with pompoms on it get attacked, It was literally a tug of war with a fucker with her hand bag. Also a few other episodes as well – a hat, more sunglasses and a phone. Time to go.

We did see some guards with sticks and shanghais and walki talkies to try and retrieve monkey-stolen goods. Can you imagine the walkie talkie communications: Monkeymergency at tree 15 - sunglasses gone down: Monkeymergency at the southwest pond, handbag gone down, tourist traumatised. Jackie gets attacked by mosquitos all the time, they are giving her grief here so now we are calling her mossie-monkey woman. I reckon with that initial growl Jackie made to one of them the little shits set out the tomtoms warning of a woman in a billowing skirt. Either that or she might have strong monkey pheromones. Ian 'He Who Smiles At Monkeys' would have been in his element.

Time for lunch so Wombat dropped us to one of the magnificent cliffside hotels where all of the beautiful people stay. We were in a small, groovy restaurant literally hanging off a clifftop looking over a very powerful surf. The surf was huge because the wind was blowing a gale. And though we opted to sit inside the little café ‘out of the wind’, as the doors were open we were in the wind. It was insane!!! Our hair was blowing everywhere and we had to hang onto our brinks (Bintangs all round and a beautiful white wine sangria with orange and a quill of cinnamon). The food was very reasonably priced and we all pretty much had salads; mine was a Vietnamese grilled chicken salad with rice noodles – delicious! We were laughing so much at the wind that we thought we’d play one on the young waiter. I asked him if he could turn on the fans above us and the initial look was, yeah do what the customer says, but as he walked towards the fan OMG the look on his face!!! I was like, WTF? Are you all mad when your hair is sideways and you have to eat your salads with your heads one inch form the bowl? Then we all laughed and he realised we were taking the piss. It was sooo funny. And BTW, I have never lifted a forkful of salad then looked down to see it had been swept away over to someone else’s table and bits flying over a cliff into the wild blue Java Sea. As Jackie is fond of saying it was Ooh La La, more like Ul Waa Waa :)

On the road again:
- Huge amounts of building being done by the Russians whilst the road stays narrow and winding with no footpaths at all
- Advised Wombat to learn Russian
- Too windy to swim at Padang Padang but looking down to the beach it looked beautiful
-Very lush and foresty growing right on the road
- Lots of surfshops and surfboard shops
- A bird shop; ugh, pigeons
- Traffic, traffic traffic
- Mini trucks straining to get up the hill on the other side of the road to get to the builds; convoys of bags of cement, water and stone
- Soooo long in the car
- Little one in a motorbike bike with a furry bear hat
- I wonder if the Muslim women here with the veils ever think: I'm so fucking hot I'm going to rip my fucking head off my shoulders.

Stopped at the Bintang Supermarket for more drinks and I decided to walk back as I'd been sitting too long. Found a dusty batik place where I bought three cotton sarongs to use as tablecloths $20 the lot.

Dinner was pizza.

Footnote: The locals at the Uluwatu Temple were beautiful in their sarongs and the women in white, long sleeved but tight lacy tops and sashes. Hair and makeup done beautifully. Very graceful walkers are the Balinese temple-goers.Read more