Cheruthazham

Joe came out of the bathroom this morning and had shaved to make his sideburns look conspicuously like Ricky Bobby, the Will Farrell character in Talladega Nights (The Legend of Ricky Bobby). If you don’t know who that is, watch the movie before you read this. Or at least Google it.

Our goal was to make it from Udupi to Kozhikode in one day. That’s a drive of about 300 kilometers but we wanted to get it done so we could make it to Kochi (our final destination) by January 14 (one day before the Rickshaw Run officially ends). We passed by a statue of Gandhi as an auspicious start to the drive.

What we didn’t know prior to heading out in the morning was that the ENTIRE stretch of highway we had to drive on was part of a massive construction project that I am sure has been going on for years. Literally every meter of the drive was either on old road that was partially shut down in one direction, new road that was partially finished, diverted road, or just crap road with no lines and no rules.

That eight hour long drive can only be described as a harrowing kamikaze shit show that was essentially like being on an eight hour long Ride of Terror at Disney, except it was actually real. It was a constant game of chicken and a battle of psychological warfare with opponents who wanted to take your photo as they cut you off in chaotic traffic.

New Jersey Joe, also known now in India as Ricky JoeVolpe Bobby, was in his element. He started out the drive saying “I just wanna go fast,” like Ricky says in the movie. By the end of the day he was still saying that.

I am not sure how many Indian people in this part of the country understand what “dickhead” or “mother fucker” or “fuckwad” mean (pardon the curse words) but if they did understand those words, today didn’t bode well for India - US relations.

I am currently experiencing the after effects of having extremely high levels of adrenaline coursing through my body for multiple hours. Extreme exhaustion, some dizziness. Mostly I am just happy to be alive. We came inches from being crushed by a bus several times and were almost t-boned by an oncoming car that spontaneously decided to turn left and assumed Joe would yield.

It was all very stressful and tiring. But then, amidst some of the most dark and terrifying moments of the day, a guy would drive past us on a motorcycle or rickshaw and give Ricky JoeVolpe Bobby a thumbs up and look of what can only be described as immense respect.

And so the legend of Ricky JoeVolpe Bobby started and will continue to live on in the hearts and minds of many long after we leave this wonderful country.

Time for a gin and tonic.Read more