The Great Art Museum Caoer

Linda, Bea and I were visiting the art museum in Williamsburg. I expected a quiet afternoon appreciating art, but I had made the mistake of being with my two aunts, neither of whom respects authority when it gets between them and a good time—or a beverage.

As we descended the stairs, a museum employee spotted our water bottles and stopped us with the urgency of a medical emergency. We had three choices: throw away the bottles, return upstairs and lock them in the front-door lockers, or leave.

Linda considered this for half a second. “I ain't throwing my bottle away!”

That was less a response than a declaration of war. I hadn’t organized a protest or even expressed an opinion. I was simply trying to enjoy the day with my two aunts who had decided hydration was a matter of principle.

We agreed to leave—or so I thought. Apparently, “we should leave” meant “we should leave eventually, after one more look at everything.”

Back upstairs, Linda and Bea resumed wandering. I followed because abandoning the two of them already attracting museum personnel seemed irresponsible. Before long, another employee began shadowing us. Wherever we went, he appeared nearby. I imagined an emergency staff meeting: “All right, everyone, we have two women, three bottles, and one confused man.”

When we turned toward the original decorative stove from the Governor’s Mansion, our shadow quickly approached and told us we had to leave.

I wanted to explain that I was merely traveling with the suspects. I hadn’t supplied the contraband or encouraged the rebellion. I was just trying to look at a stove.

But I kept quiet. At 71, I didn’t need a museum ban on my record, especially one that might follow me around Williamsburg. I didn’t want to be recognized at the next historic site as “the get away driver from the great water bottle incident.”

So we headed for the exit, Linda and Bea satisfied that they had stood their ground, while I wondered how sightseeing had become a security incident.

And our terrible offense?

We had water bottles.

Well, technically, they had water bottles. I was just the innocent bystander—a very thirsty-looking innocent bystander.

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