Alive

Travel is notable state of living.

On the one hand it feels more vibrant and alive than my domestic life. I am experiencing so much and learning and seeing...
I am in a constant state of being alert and the novelty forces a being-present that I love.

On the other hand, it's inherently temporary. While all things are, ultimately, impermanent travel brings that ephemeral nature to the fore. On the road I fall in love with places and then move along. I meet wonderful people and sometimes stay in touch, sometimes I barely know their name.

I carry a deeply ingrained belief in the importance of building. I save for the future. I climb. I have goals and plans and dreams.

All of those I leave behind when I am on a journey like this and while the freedom and chaos and adventure feed my soul... there are moments when I take a step back and see that I haven't yet discovered how to balance those two aspects of my personality: the deep urge to adventure and explore; the need to build a nest and have stability.

Can they co-exist? I haven't experienced that yet.

What about community? Relationships?
The internet allowed me a nice phone call with my mother last night and I am in daily contact with friends via various chats. Despite that, the last few days remind me that I am very alone out here in the beautiful semi-arid landscape of Central Türkiye. I spent the day sweating through what I hope is the end of a gastro-intestinal infection yesterday and at one point thought.... if something happens, does anyone know where I am enough to find me?

That's morbid and exaggeratedly dramatic... I'm not nearly *that* sick! But the point I want to make is that solo travel through remote regions can be difficult, mentally. I choose to believe that it builds character. Days like yesterday and today, it can just feel difficult.

I am grateful, very much, that most of the time I enjoy excellent health and I am reminded of how important that is.

So while today feels like my physical health is improving, I can feel that my mental health has taken a beating too. I'm having doubts about the longevity of the journey. I'm feeling urges to get back to the aforementioned "building a life".... Which is a stupid phrase in that all of us, every day, build our lives through every choice we make.

I don't have many choices to make today. I have 12 hours to fill before I take a night bus to the coast. I need to feel the sea; to rest. I need to stop moving around quite as much... maybe that means picking a place for a week or two... Or a month? vs. ending this journey. There is still So. Much. To. See.

As I write this, I am treated to experiencing three travelers show up to where I'm breakfasting. One of them is enthusiasm writ large. He exclaims about the fantastic view and the thrill of how exotic it is. He is right. This is amazing. We are fortunate to be here and I am glad for the reminder. This is why I won't wrap up the journey just yet: there is still so much to see and I have nearly half the globe to traverse before I bump into California again. I am far more likely to regret stopping than I am to regret continuing.Læs mere