I'm Bored

I’m bored

It’s 19:44 on Sunday evening UK time, 2.44 am Malaysian time, so just over halfway through the flight. On my left Bun is watching “The Greatest Showman”. On my right a rather large passenger has his blanket pulled over his head in a poor attempt to be a ghost. At least it muffles his snoring, especially if I push the blanket into his open mouth.

Two people sent me an amusing card depicting my seat on the plane - a photo is attached. Amusing at the time, reality is far worse, not one small crying child but a party from a kindergarten surround me. Then there’s the snoring, the incessant talking etc. The worst person is Mr Sneezy behind and to my left - YES YOU (- I’m sure he can read this through the gap in the seats.). He started by discovering he had a squeaky seat so spent a good time jumping up and down on it like a small child with ADHD. Then I think he waitedy for when I stopped watching a film and fell asleep, he then developed flu. A 6 gun salute of un-stifled sneezes followed with a light shower of mist landing on my head. Shuddering at that experience, he then followed up with many Walt Disney Jungle book like Colonel Hathi trumpets as he blew his nose. This woke the kindergarten who then started crying, but failed to wake the several people snoring. Within 30 minutes I could feel my sinuses blocking and my nose running. Feeling a sneeze coming on, I jumped over the ghoul next to me and locked myself in the toilet so as not to disturb anyone. Had the toilet been engaged I would have only been left with the option of going to the rear of the plane and throwing myself out rather than disturbing anyone ... well that’s just good manners along with compulsory catheterisation for anyone who isn’t sat in an aisle seat.

We loaded in time for an 11 am departure, only to be told that air traffic control had told the pilot there would be a delay of an hour. Never mind, the hostesses broke out the emergency 3 gram packs containing 8 half peanuts. I can only think that this was to keep the hostesses entertained while 4 passengers went into anaphylactic shock and required Adrenalin. 45 minutes later we were informed that the plane had now developed a technical fault and an engineer was on the way to sort it. We weren’t told that it was resolved, maybe the pilot grew tired of waiting for the AA, but we were pushed back shortly after 12:15. One problem with Heathrow being so close to the M25 is that pilots can take the wrong turning and accidentally join the M25 near the junction with the M4 and gett caught in the motorway traffic. We then experienced the longest taxi ever, at least twice around the M25. At one point I thought we might be departing from Gatwick.

Well we are on our way. One meal and a pack of sandwiches into the flight I must admit I’m a bit peckish. I won’t ask for a decaf coffee again as it took 45 minutes to arrive, by which time I was asleep, so I was woken and made to drink it because of the effort the hostess had gone to get it for me.Read more