RAF Lossiemouth, Moray, Scotland GB

World Heritage Sites Air Adventures: Whisky, Whiskey, Whales, and Gophers
Log Entry: Sergeant Major Michael Palin, Guest Co-Pilot

RAF Lossiemouth, 3 June 2025 | Aircraft: DHC-5 “Pipi” | Mission: Kirkwall (EGPA) to Lossiemouth (EGQS)

Sponsor:
Today’s sortie is powered by Dr Noodles—“Marching up and down your tastebuds since 2005!” If you can’t eat it standing to attention, it’s not proper food.

Right, listen in! Sergeant Major Michael Palin reporting for duty as guest co-pilot, and I’ll have no slouching, no malingering, and absolutely no silly walks unless properly authorized. Cropduster’s at the controls, but I’m here to keep the crew in line and the spirits high as we thunder south from Kirkwall to Lossiemouth in the mighty DHC-5 “Pipi.” Weather’s brisk and the wind’s got more bite than a corporal with a hangover, but that’s just the way we like it.

Now, about the crew: Lani—call sign “Sky”—is our airborne-qualified, ex-Malaysian Special Forces K-9. Marching is in her blood, discipline in her bones, and she’s got more medals than half the parade ground. She surveys the apron like she’s about to lead a platoon into the breach. Kai—call sign “Sea”—is a Search and Rescue K-9, Australian by birth and a natural on any base, nose twitching for the next mission or misplaced ration pack. If there’s trouble, he’ll find it; if there’s a biscuit, he’ll find that too.

En route, we set the tone with Iron Maiden’s “Aces High”—none of your modern pop nonsense here. As the Moray Firth slides beneath us, I keep the crew sharp: “Left a bit, right a bit—Cropduster, this isn’t the Luftwaffe! Eyes front, everyone!” Lani sits at attention, ears up, ready for any airborne or ground-based challenge. Kai lounges with the calm assurance of a dog who’s seen it all, but don’t let that fool you—he’s ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice.

Touchdown at RAF Lossiemouth is textbook—none of your bumpy landings on my watch. The base is a hive of activity, prepping for the Red Arrows display on June 7. Typhoons everywhere, and the ghosts of WWII pilots watching from the hangars. The place smells of history, jet fuel, and anticipation.

Now, Lossiemouth is a proper destination for any crew with a thirst for adventure and a taste for the finer things. For those who fancy a pint, the Windswept Brewing Co. is right here in town. Founded by a pair of ex-RAF pilots, this award-winning craft brewery offers tours and a Tap Room bar with a dozen cask and keg beers—perfect for a post-flight debrief, and I’m told their Glen Moray whisky cask-aged dark ale is a must-try. If you’d rather walk the fairways than the flight line, Moray Golf Club sits right next to the base, boasting two classic links courses—Old Tom Morris himself designed the Old Course, and you’ll be teeing off to the sound of Typhoons overhead. And for those who appreciate a proper dram, Glen Moray Distillery is just seven miles away in Elgin, one of Speyside’s legendary whisky producers, with tours and tastings available for those who want to toast a safe landing.

Then, the main event: the “Marching Up and Down the Square” challenge. I line up the crew, ground staff, and anyone else who can stand upright. “Now then,” I bark, “today we’re going to do marching up and down the square. That is, unless anyone’s got anything better to do?” Lani takes the lead—her parade-ground form is impeccable, a model of canine military bearing. Kai, ever the search and rescue professional, keeps the line straight and the morale high. The rest of the crew follows, some with the precision of Grenadier Guards, others with the enthusiasm of Monty Python’s finest.

After a round of applause (and a few giggles), I judge the performance “most democratic”—and suggest we all deserve a proper feed. Off to Dr Noodles for a celebratory meal, where the only thing more satisfying than the noodles is the knowledge that the parade ground remains safe from any and all silly walks (for now).

Meanwhile, Kai, never off duty, sniffs out a WWII RAF pilot doll tucked behind a hangar—today’s collectible. In the spirit of aloha and camaraderie, we present the ground crew with a bottle of Speyside whisky and a stash of gourmet dog treats from our cargo bay. Barter and gratitude, the old-fashioned way.

For those with a taste for squadron history and a bit of collectible spirit:
While we’re on the tarmac at RAF Lossiemouth, the Squadron is offering Tiger Shark challenge coins, squadron patches, and other exclusive swag. If you don’t catch us there, keep an eye out for our two Advanced Links Command Carts—stop us for a chat and pick up some gear to remember your visit by.

The town is buzzing about the upcoming Red Arrows show—Moray’s biggest event this week. Safety reminders everywhere: “Spot safely, respect the locals, don’t block the runway!” The sense of community here is as strong as the wind off the North Sea.

As the sun sets, I gather the crew for a final inspection. “Right, that’s enough democracy for one day. Next time, we’ll be marching up and down the pub. Dismissed!” Cropduster mutters something about living to fly and flying to live—typical pilot.

Until then, keep your boots polished, your noodles hot, and your spirits higher than a Typhoon at full afterburner.

Sergeant Major Michael Palin, out.

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