EGPE - Iverness, Scotland, Great Britain

World Heritage Sites Air Adventures: Whisky, Whiskey, Whales, and Gophers
Aircraft: DHC-5 Buffalo "Pipi"
Date: June 4, 2025
Guest Co-Pilot: John Cleese

Today’s flight is brought to you by “Pontius Pilate’s Premium Pumice Stones – For the softest soles in Judea. Always look on the bright side of exfoliation!”

Leg: RAF Lossiemouth (EGQS) → Inverness (EGPE)

RAF Lossiemouth (EGQS) was a hive of activity as we prepared “Pipi” for departure. As Centurion Ioannes Clēsus (pronounced “yo-AHN-nes CLAY-sus,” for the Latin-challenged), I took personal command of the cargo manifest. This morning, we loaded the bay with the Highlands’ finest local products:
• Crates of craft beer from Uile-bheist and Black Isle Brewery, their ales and lagers promising to keep the squadron’s spirits as high as our cruising altitude.
• Casks and cases of single malt Scotch from Glen Ord and Tomatin, with a promise of a special cask from Uile-bheist’s first whisky run.
• Bolts of authentic tartan textiles, fresh from Inverness weavers, each pattern a riot of clan history and Scottish pride.

And, for the sake of discipline and dignity, a new set of “Romans Go Home” stencils (Latin edition, naturally)—for educational outreach and the occasional public service correction.

Before boarding, I addressed the entire squadron—across all aircraft and land-based platforms, including the mighty EM-50ex (Awesomely Amazing Airborne Man Cave Extreme) and the Gopher Tanks (Advanced Links Command Carts):
“By order of Cropduster and enforced by myself, Centurion Ioannes Clēsus, all crew donning tartan or kilts shall wear proper undergarments. This is a World Heritage adventure, not a Roman bacchanal or a Monty Python sketch gone awry. The only wind permitted is beneath our wings, not up our kilts. Any deviation will result in the immediate application of a Latin stencil—on the offending party’s boxer shorts, in full accusative case. Let us keep the surprises in the cargo bay, not in the cockpit, the EM-50ex, or the Gopher Tanks. Onward, in dignity and plaid!”

Before we departed Inverness, a courier from Aberdeen arrived bearing gifts that could only come from the Granite City itself:
• A limited-edition case from the City of Aberdeen Distillery & Gin School, complete with a custom “Cropduster’s Concoction” label—a gin so botanically complex it could double as aviation fuel.
• Several tartan scarves woven from Granite City wool, shimmering with flecks of silver, perfect for fending off Highland chills or impressing noodle shop owners.
• Aberdeen Angus beef treats for Lani and Kai, who promptly performed a synchronized sit in anticipation.
• And polished granite stone paperweights, guaranteed to keep our flight plans grounded, no matter how strong the Highland winds.

As I, Ioannes Clēsus, observed: “Aberdeen—where even the rocks are dressed for dinner, and the gin comes with a degree in history!”

With Cropduster at the controls and Lani and Kai on lookout, we lifted off, sweeping over Viewfield farm strip and pausing at EGPS for a rapid Scotch pickup. The C-130 and C-17 teams handled their cargo with military precision, while the DC-3 crew debated the best distillery tour snacks.

We made low passes over Culbokie, Knockbain Farm, and Glendoe, then set course for the Black Isle and Glen Ord Distillery. There, as Centurion Ioannes Clēsus, I received the coveted Holy Sandal—reputedly lost by a prophet after a Highland reel.

For the Challenge:
I set the classic test: spell “ROMANS GO HOME” in Latin. Cropduster’s “Romanes eunt domus” on a whisky barrel was met with my best Centurion glare. “Romani ite domum!” I corrected, wielding my new stencil. Lani and Kai, not to be outdone, pressed the “Button of Correction,” which played “Another Brick in the Wall.” Clearly, Latin education is still in crisis.

En route from Glendoe to Inverness, Lani and Kai staged a “Nessie Alert,” barking and pawing at the windows as we flew the length of Loch Ness—only to reveal a rubber plesiosaur in the cargo. The crew in back nearly radioed for backup.

Landing at Inverness (EGPE), we celebrated with noodles at the legendary Wok This Way Noodle House, a local institution run by Hamish “Hot Wok” MacLeod—a burly Highlander in tartan apron, famed for his spicy broth and caber-tossing noodle technique—and his wife, Mei-Ling “The Noodle Whisperer” MacLeod. Mei-Ling’s hand-pulled noodles were so springy even Lani and Kai were tempted to chase them, and her sharp wit matched the chili oil she snuck to Cropduster. Hamish regaled us with tales of Highland games and noodle mishaps, declaring, “If you don’t slurp, you’re not doing it right!” The only thing spicier than the broth was Mei-Ling’s banter.

Fleet Integration Update:
Upon arrival, the Gopher Tanks rolled out from Luna Honua’s belly, their tactical plaid camo blending seamlessly with the Highland landscape. The EM-50ex, our airborne sanctum of strategy and single malts, remained prepped for instant deployment—because one never knows when a spontaneous ceilidh might require mobile command capabilities. Lani and Kai immediately commandeered an ALCC, using their button system to demand “Ride of the Valkyries” over the PA. As Centurion, my final edict: “All ground vehicles shall display proper Latin stencils: Festina lente (Make haste slowly)... unless whisky’s involved.”

Lani and Kai’s “Button of Correction” now includes a Nessie sound effect and a Latin phrase generator.

With the Holy Sandal secured and Latin grammar enforced, we look ahead to the next adventure. Will the canine communication button mystery deepen? Will the C-17 crew ever admit blended whisky has its place? Stay tuned.

“Remember: If you’re going to vandalize, at least conjugate correctly. Romani ite domum! And don’t forget your sandals.”

“Next stop: more whisky, more wonders, and probably more canine chaos. Over and out.”

And now for something completely different.Read more