Day 21 - The Smoke that Thunders

12:00
I’ve always thought Vic Falls’ nickname the most enigmatic thing. I’m conscious I’m here in the dry season, so there might be a little less thunder, and maybe an absence of smoke, but I suspect the falls will still be mesmerising. But we’ll get to that…

I’m up early, wanting to get over to the Vic Falls national park as early as possible to avoid marching around in the heat of the day. Breakfast at 06:30 is a really pretty good Eggs Florentine - maybe a *squidge* more acidity in the Hollandaise than is ideal, but very good nonetheless. My taxi picks me up at 07:00, and I’m dropped at the entrance to the national park about 10 minutes later. It’s already pretty busy - clearly, others have decided to take advantage of the slightly cooler weather at this time of day. I sneak in front of a giant group of Korean tourists, keen to get ahead of the crowds if I can.

The falls span just over 1 mile from one side to the other, and at their highest see water falling a little over 100m. The ‘smoke’ in the soubriquet is the water spray that envelops the chasm; the thunder, the noise of the water hitting the base of the canyon. I start at the western end of the canyon, by the jauntily named Devil’s Cataract - a fast moving rapid that quickly plunges into a 70m waterfall. Even safely behind a metal chain rope, I feel goosebumps as I imagine being swept in the rapids towards the fall. Walking around, I meet the first of the ‘main’ falls - a cacophonous roar of water, and a genuine sense that I’m being rained on. I have to wrap my camera between pictures to keep it even remotely dry.

Vic Falls is twice as high at this point as Niagara or Iguazu Falls, both of which I’ve visited in the past couple of years. At this time of year, the water flow rate is marginally lower than both, but at peak times, the water flow goes toe to toe with both. There is an incredible 1,100 tonnes of water going over the falls every SECOND. Staggering.

I continue round the canyon, encountering a rainforest rain shower, many rainbows, and an increasing number of tourist groups. At the far, far end of the canyon, I get the best view of the base of the canyon, where some frankly crazy people are getting ready to go whitewater rafting on the rapids that exit the canyon to the East. I’ve spent a little over 3 hours covering a mile, and have loved every second of it. Of the big 3 waterfalls I’ve visited, I’m struggling to decide which of Iguazu and Victoria is my favourite. I think perhaps Iguazu, but ask me tomorrow and I’ll probably have a different opinion.

All this excitement has left me feeling like a spot of lunch, and a chilled afternoon before my river cruise later. Back to Bayete, and the promise of a VERY cold Savanna…

21:00
There has been an administrative error. More of that to come.

I have another banging salad at the Bayete bar for lunch - spiced chicken, pear, walnut and blue cheese. Sensaysh. Back at my room, I start to ready myself for packing. This involves taking everything out of my big rucksack, before mindlessly jamming most of it back into my rucksack. Satisfied that I’ve taken the scab off of it, I have a double naughty nap. I wake at 15:00, and get myself in shape to go on my boat trip. I’ve been looking forward to this. The boat trip we took under the falls in Brazil was an absolute highlight. Dipping the whole boat under the waterfall is a sensation that will stay with me for many years.

I’m picked up at 16:00, and by 16:15, I realise something has gone horribly wrong.

1) I’m on the upper part of the Zambezi - i.e. the part that flows down to the falls, not the part that runs underneath it, and
2) I’m on a super deluxe cruiser type boat that would probably fall apart if it approached the bottom of the falls.

On the plus side, it transpires I’m on a very plush, all-inclusive trip. I kick off proceedings with an African influenced gin and tonic, the gin made by Whitley Neill - one of my favourite gin producers. The lovely server, Lubo, brings me a canapé menu - featuring the likes of nigiri, a goat’s cheese frittata, and an ostrich slider. There is a wine pairing to accompany the food. I repeat - the food HAS A WINE PAIRING.

The next couple of hours pass in a haze of chardonnay, cabernet and viognier. The views up and down the Zambezi river are spectacular, even if they’re not the bottom of the Victoria Falls. We see some hippo and crocodile by the river bank. Next to me on the boat are an Australian family. I find myself spending more time than I probably should figuring out what the family dynamic is. I *think* it’s mum/grandma, her two daughters, one of the daughter’s husband, and their two daughters. I get chatting to a couple of couples from Devon, from very close to Lyme Regis as it happens, where Vicki’s mum and step-dad live. They’re on a recently retired busman’s holiday around southern Africa. Botswana, then South Africa, then Mozambique. Once again, I seethe with jealousy.

As the sun sets, I plug into some music, and take a cocktail shaker to my various emotions. It’s a bit of a moment. I can’t wait to see Vicki, I’m gutted tomorrow is my last day, I’ve had the most amazing time, I want more.

We dock around 18:30, and the collective congregation pour themselves off the boat. I get dropped in the centre of town, heading for my dinner reservation. I have time for a quick G+T at 3 Monkeys, which has qualified as my local.

Dinner at Zulu Bistro is a treat. I have some devilled chicken livers on toast, followed by a goat curry. Both are amazing. While I’m elbows deep in my curry, a troop of local dancers arrive, and give a brilliant 15 minute dance and song recital. SO cool.

I’m back at Bayete just before 21:00. I’ve gotta check out before 09:00 tomorrow morning, so pour myself the last of my Merlot, and settle in to reminisce on one of the greatest trips I’ve ever taken….Read more