Guest Star

Well, as announced in the title, today’s blog will not be a Ruby Regular but a Lily special!

Welcome to Mount Olympus laddy boys! (Or something like that)

You can expect a subpar level of comedy but an exemplary level prose in today’s blog and worry not, Ruby will be back tomorrow.

Well I feel like we were all, as a collective, woken up by Olivia rushing to the toilet because she had woken up with a facial of her own snot, which as everyone knows is the best way to wake up in the morning.
Me and leg then slowly made our way to the floor for our daily sport which, despite Ruby giving us hope in yesterday’s blog, she did not join us for. And honestly I wish I hadn’t joined us as my abs were sore. Laughing is painful guys, which means that in this group I am basically fighting for my life at any given moment.

After this was the usual getting dressed, putting makeup on and doing hair, and that was just dad. Nah Jakes lads, Jakes.

We then all got weirded out because our father had a work call and we’re not used to him being so serious and going such a long period of time without farting. It was very unsettling.

Once we were recovered we then had the regular Greek lunch of pastries bread and tzatziki. Twas bussin.

I am beginning to run out of sequential words so bear with me.

In the aftermath of lunch we liberally (although it was more like Macron liberal aka just a bit Tory) applied sun cream before making our way to the car to begin our lil trip to Oia. And no I’m not shouting at you.

The route was heavily scenic although dad seems to be having some trouble with his stick and so it was also a jerky route.

We arrived at Oia and were unused to the amount of tourists around, much to my chagrin because I am a Parisian and therefore my average walking speed is twice that of a regular person. And tourist’s walking speed is half that of a normal person. You can imagine why I would be chagrined.

But after much annoyance and even more steps we made it to Ammoudi Beach (I will refrain from making crass jokes) (we finally found Ruby hehe).

My chagrin was then added to as the plan had been to walk along a dubious path towards a nice little swimming place. The plan was thwarted by gates and Greeks. Our planned paths had a large gate in front of it and a Greek guard who was turning away tourists assumedly in respect of the sign declaring a danger of falling rocks.

Sad and feeling like a disappointed for letting the team down, as it had been my idea to do this little séjour, I dejectedly made my way to a smoothie shop where we all got smoothies and watched as tourist after tourist walked up to the guard and got turned away.

However, joy struck and after staring morosely out at the water, wishing it was pouring rain instead of glaringly sunny, we realised that people were sneaking past the gates! Revolution strikes! Allegra theorised that someone had gone and beat up the guard. I privately theorised that Allegra had gone and beaten him up. We apprehensively made our way towards the path and discovered that no one had beaten up the guard, he was simply enjoying a beer, literally watching all the people file past and sneak over the gate. It made all of us highly amused.

The path was dubious as promised, much to the joy of the little Lily within me who loved nothing more than clambering rocks. Unfortunately old Lily has developed a healthy fear of heights and falling to our her death. Old Lily nonetheless enjoyed the path which was a perfect level of clamberable.

We then arrived at the destination, which was unfortunately filled with mum’s least favourite thing, tourists occupying the same space as us. We decided to keep calm and carry on and my sisters and I promptly dove into the aquamarine ocean, keen to get up onto an at least four meter high platform to then jump into the previously mentioned aquamarine ocean.

Allegra is unfortunately slave to her fears but fortunately unbothered by her image as a fearless daredevil or rather lack of image as a fearless daredevil. Olivia, Ruby and I are however very much bothered and spend a lot of our time on holidays curating this image. We were therefore obliged to jump off that at least four metre platform.

Twas scary bros.

I jumped, realised how bloody high it was, fell for about five minutes and then landed with a resounding smack and a resulting wedgie.

However I am able to say that unlike my weiney sisters I jumped immediately instead of deliberating over the pros and cons for about half an hour. I just jumped straight in.

Fuck it, Yolo guys.

After this I feel like nothing of importance happened and seeing as dad is writing a blog about the exact same happenings I’ll just give a recap of the highlights.

Tate made a hilarious joke about Private Cruise and Semi-Private Cruise, Tom Cruise’s siblings. It was the funniest thing she’s ever said.

We saw a funny sign (it will be photographed) which was secretly a British spy.

We snacked on the boys, obvi. Let’s just say we won’t be hungry at dinner time.

Arguments were had, wouldn’t be a Simpson Family Trip ™️ if there weren’t.

I finally fulfilled the twins dream by saying “it’s alright guys, it’s on me” and buying us some delicious ice-creams. The twins need to learn to dream higher.

And of course the evening ended on the bopping note of biscuits and beer. Nothing quite ends a day quite like the two Bs.

And with that I bid you adieu and leave you on the mountain or whatever it is Ruby normally says.

Debate of the day: was that guard justified in taking a beer break and letting everyone pass, therefore cancelling out all the work he had done all morning?Read more