Day 76 - Heart Attacks at Dollywood

The alarm went off at 7.30am, way too early for us retirees. At 8.30, we made it down to breakfast & stuffed ourselves (well I did).

Shortly after 9.00am we checked out of the hotel & dashed east along Interstate 40 past Knoxville, then down the 66 to Sevierville & 441 to Dollywood Theme Park.

Around 10.20am, we parked up in Cotton Candy car park & took the tram to the entrance to Dollywood. The tickets were $74 each, a bit steep, we would need to get our money’s worth! The park didn’t seem to be unduly busy, possibly because thunderstorms were forecast.

Dollywood is split up into several different areas. Our first port of call was Timber Canyon & we decided to blood ourselves with a wooden rollercoaster, Thunderhead. There might have been a clue in the title!

There was literally no queue & we were allocated the back 2 seats, apparently the best. We set off.............FFF^?~§^!}^{%%#@&£*&£**^¥~ CCKKK.

I screamed like a little girl & Jackie went white & quiet! The rickety old scary ride went on for ever & ever. I hated every second of it & I think Jackie liked it less. We got off with legs of jelly, hearts pounding & swearing we would not do another one. It was just as well we failed to notice the restrictions, because heart problems & high blood pressure were just 2 reasons why we shouldn’t of been on it.

There were a couple of other big rides in Timber Canyon; the Drop Line, chairs that takes you up to a ridiculous height then drop like a stone & another rickety old rollercoaster called Mystery Mine. There was no chance of doing either of these so we headed to Wildwood Grove, predominantly aimed at kids.

Our next ride was Treetop Tower, where you got into an Acorn shaped capsule that went round a pole up to about 20’ in the air & then back down again. Jackie was embarrassed as we were the only adults not accompanying children. We had to get our money’s worth somehow!

We then did the Great Tree Swing & luckily we were in the middle because I always feel I’m going to fall out. People of all ages had their arms aloft, but we both clung on for dear life.

Next was Frogs & Fireflies, a merry-go-round of frog capsules that hopped up & down as it spun round. Even I was embarrassed, when we were told we had to sit in a frog 🐸 capsule each, because the 2 of us would be over the weight limit. We bounced round a few times.

Next looked perfect, Black Bear Trail, a little track where you sat upon a bear like you would a horse. Whilst queuing for this, the anticipated storm struck & the heavens opened. Over the tannoy came a message that due to lightning less than 10 miles away, all rollercoasters🎢 & aerial rides would be suspended. The Bear ride was fine, but Jackie was ‘too cool for school’ & refused to do the ride on the grounds of the weather. I braved it & after chivalrously gave Jackie my raincoat to wear. Apparently, Jackie didn’t need one for this trip!

We then took shelter & got chatting to an American family. His ambition was to visit Europe for some proper history, including Germany where he served in the Military. He said he was concerned about the immigration problem in UK & the no-go areas in London. Good old Trump & his fake news. We put him straight!

It was during this chat that Jackie realised she had left her phone in the toilet about 15 minutes ago. She went rushing back & as one might expect it had gone. I rang it & luckily the employee at Face Painting, had had someone hand it in to her. We got it back.

After about an hour in total, the tannoy announced that all the rides were about to commence again. I can’t explain why, but we queued up for the Firechaser Express. It didn’t seem too scary, but looks can be deceiving. It was another rickety bugger that raced around a track & ended up in a fireworks factory. What could go wrong! Everything started exploding & we were at the back again, when suddenly the ride catapulted us backwards, leaving our stomachs back in the fireworks factory. It was horrible & yet again it resulted in me screaming like a Banshee.

Gluttons for punishment (& keen to get our money’s worth) we queued up for Mystery Mine. We convinced ourselves it seemed alright, just a couple of upside down bits at the end. Unfortunately we hadn’t taken into consideration the word ‘Mystery’, which involved vertical ups & free falling downs in semi darkness. I actually didn’t mind it so much because I couldn’t see the drops, but Jackie was dishevelled & looked petrified. The photos to buy at the end were interesting, Jackie looked like an inflated rubber doll, complete with ‘something about Mary’ hair. She will of course deny it! I just looked wide eyed & mouthed & absolutely terrified.

That was too much so we headed back to children’s area of Wildwood Grove for some less strenuous activities. Jackie bought an E number crammed ice cream, then we were buzzing. Next ride was the Mad Mockingbird, which was a swing that could be controlled from within our capsule. I stupidly let Jackie drive & we were all over the place!

Our final ride we allowed ourselves was the Dragonflier. It was a longest queue wait, about 20 minutes, but it was a nice gentle finish for us. It zoomed round at breakneck speed with our legs dangling down, but had no nasty drops or surprises.

There were several rides that we refused to go on, that were just way too high or too fast or too wet. We instead saw the informative Bird of Prey display in the Wings of America Theatre & generally bimbled around.

It was 5.30pm, 7 hours later, that we finally exited Dollywood. We drove to the nearest Walmart for some much needed provisions, the drove south to Gatlinburg where we were staying the night. Gatlinburg was heaving, absolutely heaving, & it took us ages to drive through the main high street to our Chalet on the other side of town.

We are staying in a skiing chalet with a balcony looking out on to the Great Smoky Mountains. At 8.00pm it was still in the high 90s & as humid as you like. We went down the road to Big Daddy’s Pizzeria. We had a 14” classic pizza & a pitcher of local beer. It was perfect & we both agreed the best pizza we had had on this trip.

Over dinner we both agreed that we really enjoyed Dollywood, but primarily it is a rollercoaster theme park at the end of the day & everything else is a bit Dolly & a bit ‘cutesy’. I think I have just made that word up, but everything is Applejack, Butterfly, Cotton Candy etc etc & country music plays all over, but with bird tweeting in the background.

We are still very glad we went, but never again will we visit a theme park!

Song of the Day - 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton.

Bonus Song of the Day :-

Rollercoaster by Black Mountain
Sheer Heart Attack by QueenRead more