Day 1 - Tram 28 Hell

The taxi was pre-booked to arrive at 8am, but 2 minutes after the hour the company rang Jackie to inform her that they were running 10 minutes late due to an unexpectedly busy morning. This was handy because our train was departing at 8.14am.

At 8.22am, the driver pulled up outside the house and I told the driver that I didn’t blame him, but we had pre-booked the taxi 2 days previously and we had now missed our train. I questioned him as to why he was late and it transpired that the taxi firm were not particularly busy, but had received a lucrative request for a fare to Heathrow and they had pushed all other fares back - lying to both the drivers and customers.

The driver whilst driving showed me the messages on his phone from the company saying that the customer (us) were happy that he was running late, which was also a lie.

As it happened, we arrived at the station just in time to board the 8.31am expensive train to Gatwick, risking it without our body armour! I only had one job, Jackie had stupidly left me in charge of buying the train tickets. I somehow inadvertently managed to buy 4 single train e-tickets for the two of us. Despite numerous efforts to amend the tickets online and a visit to the ticket office, I was unable to get a refund.

Luckily for us Jackie has made all the other online bookings for our short break.

The check-in procedure was a painless affair and we even had time for a large Wetherspoon’s G&T before boarding our EasyJet flight to Lisbon. The flight was on time and we managed a cheeky G&T and a red wine each to wash down our homemade sandwiches.

We landed 2 hours 10 minutes later at a sunny Lisbon airport. Despite some apprehension that we would spend the next couple of hours trying to negotiate immigration as a non-EU citizen, it transpired that all we had to do was present our electronic passports to the machine, then get it stamped by the immigration official. It took just minutes.

We picked up our €54 72 hour Lisboa cards, which gives us free public transport access and free entrance to most places of interest in Lisbon, in the airport arrivals hall, then headed to the metro station. Jackie followed me through the barriers and somehow managed to not activate her Lisboa card. The barriers closed as she tried to follow me through, trapping her from her rucksack thus leaving her trussed up like a turkey as a warning to other fare dodgers.

I helped her extract herself and her rucksacks from the barriers, but only after I had taken evidential photographs of the felon.

Thirty minutes later we arrived at Rato Station, where we alighted and walked 0.6 of a mile to Casa do Jasmine, our accommodation for the night.

Our very helpful receptionist Joana, who we suspect has mild cerebral palsy, checked us in and showed us to our room. We freshened up and hit the mean streets of Lisbon around 3.30pm to commence one of my infamous sightseeing tours.

Ten minutes later we located the nearest Tram 28 stop , which the guidebooks consider Tram 28 to be one of Lisbon’s absolute highlights. This nearest stop turned out to be a stretch of tram track that was only heading west. We boarded the first Tram 28 anyway intending to stay aboard for the return journey to Martim Moniz Square our intended destination. We had only been on the tram for a couple of minutes, when we stopped outside Estrela Basilica and the not so jolly driver announced that this was the end of the line and everyone needed to disembark.

We followed the tram lines back east until we found a tram stop. Just minutes later we boarded another Tram 28 destined for Martim Moniz. The tram was full, so we stood at the very back.

This tram journey was bumpy and noisy and took an hour whilst we jostled with other passengers for space and a handle to cling on to. It was virtually impossible to take in the views outside and quite frankly the rear windows were too grubby anyway. We were relieved to get off, even if Martim Moniz Square was full of undesirables, some of whom Jackie saw being arrested by the police.

We set off on foot for Igreja da Graca, located in Largo da Graça, in the parish of São Vicente, on Lisbon's highest hill. It was a 0.6 mile climb up 2 long and steep sets of stairs before finally arriving, sweating at our destination.

Igreja da Graca is the church and convent of Our Lady of Grace and was built in 1291 but didn't survive the 1755 earthquake. The connecting buildings were rebuilt in the Baroque style -- the convent with a beautiful cloister and 18th-century tile panels; the church with gilded woodwork and grisaille paintings on the ceiling.

The convent only opened to the public in 2017, but because we had to pay even at a discounted price we declined the opportunity. The church was free so we just popped in there instead.

The church, facing one of the city’s most beautiful viewpoints, is one of Lisbon's most visited. It houses an image of Christ carrying the cross, that's taken through the streets in an annual procession, at around Easter time, following a tradition from 1587.

In 2023, it finally opened its terrace to visitors, from where we were able to admire the view of the castle, downtown Lisbon and the Tagus River. It was particularly scenic with the lowering sun. We were keen to refresh with a cold beer, but the bar on the terrace was just too busy.

Instead we headed downhill a short distance to locate and photograph the Oldest Traffic Sign in the World. Ironically it was situated in a narrow pedestrian only street.

We continued downhill through the cobbled streets of the Alfama, another Lisbon highlight. See below:-

Alfama is the ancient heart of Lisbon, a charismatic maze of steep, cobbled alleyways. As the city's oldest district, it largely survived the great earthquake of 1755, preserving an authentic medieval charm long lost elsewhere. The district climbs from the banks of the River Tejo to the imposing Castelo de São Jorge, its labyrinthine layout a deliberate legacy of its Moorish origins.
To explore Alfama is to journey back in time. You will wander through a maze of narrow streets, where colourful, laundry-draped houses open onto tiny squares and the melancholic strains of Fado music drift from traditional restaurants. The iconic yellow Tram 28 rattles its way through impossibly tight corners, passing hidden courtyards and ancient churches, including the city’s formidable Sé Cathedral.
Beyond the major monuments, Alfama’s true charm lies in its atmosphere as a living, working-class neighbourhood, where the sounds of daily life spill from open windows. It is a district that rewards slow exploration and the simple joy of getting lost, revealing stunning views from its many ‘miradouros’ (viewpoints). This is not just a historic quarter; it is the soulful core from which Lisbon grew

The idea is you just aimlessly wander and take in the atmosphere. Maybe we just took the wrong turns, but we weren’t particularly blown away with what we saw or heard. Maybe we will try again. Our highlight was purchasing a couple of €1 cherry liqueurs in a chocolate cup from a little old lady.

We came out of the Alfama by Lisbon’s Cruise Port, then headed back along the river front until we reached Praça do Comércio.

The Praça do Comércio is a large, harbour-facing plaza in Portugal's capital, Lisbon, and is one of the largest in Portugal, with an area of 175 by 175 m, that is, 30,600 m2. Facing the Tagus to the South, the plaza is still commonly known in Portuguese as Terreiro do Paço as it hosted the Paço da Ribeira (Ribeira Palace).

The Ribeira Palace was the main residence of the Kings of Portugal in Lisbon for around 250 years until it was destroyed by the great 1755 Lisbon earthquake.

Praça do Comércio was very atmospheric with the setting sun bringing a golden sky to the west and a pinky sky to the east. The square was busy and beating with the sound of a drumming band in the centre at the feet of King José I and the imposing horse Gentil, a statue sculpted by Machado de Castro.

We spent some time enjoying the sounds and sights before passing through Rua Augusta Arch and up the heaving pedestrianised Rua Augusta.

The Rua Augusta Arch is a stone, memorial arch-like, historical building and visitor attraction in Lisbon, Portugal, on the Praça do Comércio. It was built to commemorate the city's reconstruction after the 1755 earthquake. It has six columns and is adorned with statues of various historical figures. Significant height from the arch crown to the cornice imparts an appearance of heaviness to the structure. The associated space is filled with the coat of arms of Portugal.

We eventually found a suitable outside bar of a restaurant called A Brasileira on Graça Plaza, which is one of Lisbon's coolest neighbourhoods. We supped a large beer followed by an Aperol Spritz over the next hour whilst listening to the melodic music and song of Lucas Pina, who looked like a black Elvis. It had been a perfect spot, but we paid for the pleasure with a drinks bill of €49.

We had made our minds up over drinks that we fancied a steak dinner and after a little bit of research we identified Atalho, a recommended steak restaurant near to where we were staying.

Atalho was a hidden away gem of a find. We ordered a couple of steak dinners (a ribeye for Jackie and a fillet for me) with assorted sides and a bottle of red from Lisbon. It was utterly delicious and reasonably priced at €79, however Jackie had to leave some of her fat that wasn’t quite rendered enough for her liking.

We waddled home absolutely shattered and went to put our phones on charge, when to Jackie’s horror, we discovered that I had failed in my only other one job for the trip - pack the electric chargers. I had failed to pack Jackie’s iPhone charger. I had to bother receptionist Joana who rooted through a whole box of chargers without success, before borrowing one from I think another resident for the night.

With the drama temporarily diverted, we showered and fell asleep almost instantly.

Song of the Day - Lisbon by Wolf Alice.Read more