Muay Thai, Jet Ski, Massage, Chill

Day 4 was pretty chill, except for Muay Thai.

Revolution Gym is owned by an Aussie man named Tim, super nice dude who used to live in PB 30 years ago, small world. “I used to fuck everything down there.” No comment Tim, no comment. By the way I got my Harley fixed and exchanged for a new one because I didn’t trust the old one anymore. So I zipped over to the gym in about 11 minutes, doing an average of a breath taking 37mph. Yes I refuse to use the metric system like the rest of the world because…I’m a dumb American remember?

I honestly forget my trainer’s name so I’m going to call him Little Man (remember my rule of calling someone “little”) Little man could whoop my ass with one arm and one leg, he asserted dominance quickly and reminded me of that dominance throughout training. There is no time or patience for getting it wrong, mistakes result in getting a punch to the body or kick to the leg, not kidding. I almost called my mom to come pick me up a few times. His training process worked because by the time I was done I was Jean Claude van Damme meets Chuck Norris, but gasping for air like Jared before Subway (too soon? Or not cool because of the kids thing?) This is for friends remember? Stop being sensitive.

But honestly y’all have to try Muay Thai, the workout is intense. I’m sore in literally every area of my body today and I’m going back for more tomorrow. I might try to fight Little Man for real as payback or I might just take the beating and hold back the tears until I get back to my room, TBD.

After training, I got a 2 hour “Blissful Day” massage for $55. They climb on the table, put knees and elbows into you, and I can’t tell if I’m sore from Muay Thai or Thai May, my masseuse. Her name is literally May, I just did a play on words, let me live. I’m getting another tomorrow, and the day after. Relax, no rubbies here, it’s a 5 star resort.

Golden Seafood restaurant is next door on the beach and the best cooked seafood I’ve ever had. A whole grilled sea bass, 2 grilled jumbo tiger prawns, spicy salad, and of course, a coconut. The server called me dude and bro the whole time which I took offense to but remembered I have blonde highlights in my hair so totally warranted. BEST FOOD EVER because it’s my favorite kind of food. Everyone asks me, “OMG you’re a chef, what’s your favorite food?” I don’t know Brittany, probably Foie Gras (If you read the previous post, you’re giggling. If not, remember we don’t have to be friends). My favorite food of all time is fresh seafood on the beach. There was also a big cock staring at me eating, super intimidating, right ladies? I took a pic.

Jet skiing was the only thing so far that was expensive. $50 for 30min, talked him down from $60, then felt bad afterwards and tipped him $10. I’m a good person I swear. The water is glass, not like the shitty jet ski experience on the SD Bay in the afternoon where I felt like I was either going to break my teeth on the steering bars or fly off taking a turn too sharply. I was just about to jump in the beautiful water when I spotted a big ass jellyfish. I’m seen Finding Nemo, I love that movie. I fucking hate jellyfish. I also got stung in the Amalfi Coast in the water at the Fiordo di Furore. Thought about asking big belly super tan gold chains tiny speedo Figaro looking dude to pee on it, then realized I’d rather suffer. His wife peed on it instead. Everything about this story is true….except the last part.

Elephants tomorrow.Read more