In Being I Find Myself

This week has been about learning to love myself. Trisha keeps asking me, "Do you love yourself? If you loved yourself would you treat yourself like this?"

So I ask myself, "How can I love myself if I don't know myself?" I thought I knew myself... and I thought, while I could  always improve, that I too loved myself. But now I realize that all along it was the wrong freudian' self, the impersonator. Not even me the real me.

The only self that I've been listening to is the super-critical ego feeding the ego lies. It's the messages around me, imprinting me from childhood... the lessons of my parents, my teachers, Captain Kangaroo and all of society. It was the message to be quiet, to be good, to be smart, pretty and likeable.

This super-ego/ego personna, "the Kid" as I will call it, is the part of myself that interfaces Kim with the world, the self that has learned to conform to everyone else's expectations of her, and the self that tells her to do her duty and not complain. The Kid is the self that has impersonated the real essence of Kim. The Kid tries to do what is best, but it's source code is fear and need for approval. It will sacrifice all happiness and well being of the host to appease these primary lower frequency survival mechanisms.

Not only that, but the Kid has imprisoned the essence of Her true self all these years. The Kid has been the cruel taskmaster demanding more and more of Her. He turned Her Being into a Doing. The Kid didn't listen to Kim when she cried and begged for attention. When Her neck and shoulders cried out in pain, the Kid didn't listen.

"What do you need, what do you want? What are you trying to say to me?" This internal essence is waiting to be drawn out, but instead The Kid suppresses and squelches Her, pats her on the back, and tries to provide a quick escape for the discomfort. Maintaining status quo is his motto. The Kid has become so used to calling all the shots that the existence of her real essence is no longer even acknowledged.

The world and all it's societal expectations were not the ones that have silenced Her. Rather it is you, Kid Ego, who has silenced Her. 

Why not get to know Her? She has a lot to teach you if you just talk to her. Ask her how she's doing, what she likes and what's going on. She is the grooviest chic on the block, you know. Don't ignore Her anymore. Basically, Kid, let the essence of everything Her permeate our conscious mind. Appreciate Her wisdom and truth and fall in love with Her. Allow her to come forth and be free to live.

In the back pain, I ask Her what she is trying to tell me. She is pleading through the pain, "Please don't make me go back! I can't do it anymore." I promise Her that I won't make her if she doesn't want to. I don't know what this action plan looks like, but if we don't listen the ship will sink. We will figure it out together over the next couple of weeks.

In Being, there is revelation of sacred knowledge. In Being, there is freedom. In Being, I find myself. My journey starts in half an hour. My questions are ready.Leia mais