Neapel

🚗 Italian Road Trip Gone Wrong: 🍕#WhyDidIDoThis

Okay, so I THOUGHT a cute little road trip through Italy would be this *dreamy* experience—sunsets, scenic drives, endless pasta and maybe some sexy Italian accents? WRONG. 🚫 My current reality? I’m in Napoli, and let me tell you, I’m now questioning EVERY SINGLE LIFE CHOICE that led me here. 😩

First of all, THE ROADS What are these? A post-apocalyptic obstacle course?? 🏎️💥 Potholes the size of my regrets, dirt like we’re off-roading through an abandoned construction site, and I swear my car is considering quitting on me. I can literally hear it groaning every time I hit another crater. RIP, sweet car. You were too good for this world. 😭💔 #CarFuneralSoon

And guess what? I dragged myself here for a pizza. A PIZZA, Jessica. Seriously, how stupid can you be??? 🤦‍♀️ Like, I could have ordered a decent pizza back home, sat in peace, and watched Netflix, but noooooo, I decided to DRIVE THROUGH NAPOLI to find one. #BadDecisionsWereMade

Right now, all I want is to lock myself in the room and never emerge. EVER. Maybe I’ll just become a hermit and send postcards to the outside world like, Yeah, I came to Italy and never left my room.🏨✨

I mean, I’m still holding on to the faint hope that the people are friendlier than the roads, but honestly, at this point, a smile won’t fix the trauma of this journey. 😅 So, what now? Do I stay and pretend I'm living the dolce vita or pack my bags and run like I'm in a low-budget action movie? 🎬💼 #FleeingItaly

Pray for me, guys. Send wine. 🍷 #Help

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🚗 Napoli Adventures : Pizza, Naps & Ballerina Moms🍕🍷 #HelpMe

So, after the trauma of Napoli's roads and my near car funeral, we decided to actually go explore the city. 🌆 Turns out, Napoli has some really cool stuff going on (who knew?). We walked around, and I swear, I found like 12 buildings I’m ready to renovate. 🏚️💸 Unfortunately, my bank account disagrees. Where are you, money, when I need you? 😭 #BrokeButVisionary

In MY mind, these crumbling buildings are beautiful. Architectural masterpieces waiting for a Jessica touch. In reality, though? They probably need more work than my will to live. 🤷‍♀️ But still… potential!

After endless strolling, we stumbled across the cutest little center full of boutiques. 🌸 We window-shopped, but then I was like, “Yeah, cool, but can we GO BACK NOW?” I needed a nap, and let’s just say I’m a pro at collapsing into a bed. 😴💤

Cue my ballerina mom. 💃 She’s the human equivalent of a tap dance when she rummages through her bags. Quiet is NOT in her vocabulary. Of course, my peaceful nap dreams were shattered, and I turned into Grumpy Cat 🐱. So, what do I do? I’m like, Fine! Let’s play Yahtzee since you're clearly on a mission to ruin my sleep. And we did.

Guess who won 3 out of 3 games? Oh yeah, ballerina b*tch mom over here, gracefully crushing my soul with every roll. 🎲🙄 The woman is a Yahtzee ninja and shows no mercy.

Finally, 7 PM rolled around, and I knew the pizza place was open. 🍕 The reason I came to Napoli—the promise of the world's best pizza. So, we rushed over, grabbed our pizza and some wine (because by this point, I needed emotional support), and the pizza was DELICIOUS. 🍷

BUT—wait for it—I STILL think the best pizza is in… ÖREBRO. 😳 Y’all, I drove 3,714 kilometers to the mecca of pizza only to realize I’ve almost been living next door to the greatest slice! Like, seriously?! #fratellisörebro

At least the wine was AMAZING. 🍇✨ I’m ready to drown in a wine barrel and call it a day. If I die in Italy, let it be in a vineyard with a glass in hand, okay? #WineGoals

But hey, without Napoli, we wouldn’t have the best pizza in Örebro, so grazie mille, ItalyLäs mer