Thunderstorms and Decisions

It's been one week since arriving in Montreal! An interesting week of getting the lay of the land, facing some challenges, and unexpected new plans.

The Help Exchange turned out to be an important lesson for me in autonomy. After 3 days there I knew I wasn't going to last 3 weeks. Initially the plan was to stay there until I moved into my sharehouse (colocation is what they refer to it as here!) and enjoy doing a few hours of work in the rooftop garden in exchange for food and board, whilst using my spare time to get acquainted with the city, find a job etc.

It's like a game, moving to a brand new place. You have your map, your character is obviously you, you have only the things you could pack into a suitcase, and you have your mission. There will be other characters to meet and contend with, resources you need to uncover to move to the next step, levels to achieve.

The host of the Help Exchange turned out to be challenge numero uno. He was a bit eccentric, ridiculously talkative, and began to essentially do my head in. A very classic French sort of person, in his early 70's, perhaps too accustomed to talking only about himself. He was quite funny, but I realised that the expectation was that I'd spend every meal with him, and while the food was actually fantastic and I felt very lucky for it, I couldn't handle having to sit and listen to him chitter on about things for that many hours in a day.

Another unexpected challenge was a full day of thunderstorms, rendering the rooftop essentially unusable, though we still had meals in the sheltered patio there, getting buffeted by the wind and the edges of the rain. I'm accustomed to that though, having lived in a van, but at least my van itself was always dry inside. The surprise here was that my little cabin was very leaky, and I couldn't use it during the storm.

Sleeping downstairs wasn't much fun, and the overall lack of somewhere to just completely recharge started to take its toll quite quickly.
It made me really understand this about how I operate though. I need stillness, space and breathing room. Most importantly though, a sense of connection and ease. I think if there is a person around who can naturally give that space even while they are present, that is plenty. But someone who likes to consume the energy and attention of another is like a turbo battery-drainer. Honestly, it seemed as though whenever I was in the vicinity he was talking.

So I consulted my inner knowing, and realised that a large part of the pickle I was in had to do with my relationship to money. This has been an area seeking some spring cleaning for a while now. My epiphany was that, as nice as it is to not spend literal money to stay somewhere and eat, the exchange is still energy and time. If I spent around 5 hours of the day helping this Guy out, and providing my attention during meals etc, those 5 hours are not being spent investing into myself and my mission here. Money reserves weren't moving much, but inner resources, absolutely.
I could almost see the little energy bar above my head, rapidly moving into the red, and demanding that I take some action soon. It's a matter of weighing up my resources and making the right decision for me from there.

I found a nearby Airbnb for a couple of days, and after a rather unpleasant sleep the night before I left, coupled with an unpleasant morning as I came downstairs to a complaining host, saying that because I was late to breakfast he was starving and shaking, I explained the situation. Tactfully but very directly, that the arrangement wasn't working for me and I'd be leaving in the afternoon. Plus a very firm assertion that his getting hungry has nothing to do with me. In your own home, you eat when you're hungry!

Even right up until the moment I got in the Uber, the host was talking. It was unbelievable. Sweet relief to arrive at my nearby accommodation to a very relaxed and welcoming environment, in a lovely area of quiet streets that reminded me of Europe, and a large bright room all to myself.

I let myself settle in, and process the events of the first week. There's always some sort of a rollercoaster to begin with! My main objective in this sort of game though is, to be true to myself. Life has never failed to provide something wonderful when plan A just isn't feeling right in my bones. Of course, it's harder to trust this being in a new country, you don't have the same safety net to fall back on. But that's exactly the magic and the exhilaration of this sort of game.

I've arranged a short term sublet in the city until my colocation commences. It'll be a bit expensive, but the delight is that I'll have a studio all to myself in a fantastic location. In reassessing my resources, I decided that spending money is well worth having a comfortable and well-equipped place which gives me the ability to spend the hours focusing on building my character.

Presently those hours will be spent on learning French as quickly as I can (fun game challenge if you've never tried it! this language makes no sense), studying my Yoga Teacher Training that's taken somewhat of a back seat, searching for a job, and making connections.

Today the whole reason that I came to Montreal in the first place came to its initial moment of fruition: signing my student contract for the Diploma of Thai Massage that I'm here to undertake. It felt surreal. I even had a real fangirl moment meeting Sukha, the director for the first time. And a moment of reverence seeing the picture of Kam Thye Chow, the teacher whose lineage of practice I will be joining.

The practice of Thai Yoga Massage has been one of the most pivotal things to have entered my life. It is my calling. And I've felt immensely supported and humbled to be a practitioner of this ancient art, picturing the thousands of years that span behind me and other present day healers in this discipline. It's really such an honour.

Walking in this city is delightful. It's also just the perfect kind of summer temperature right now. I'm feeling very lucky and alive. On an evening walk to the supermarket, I passed a woman set up on the street with her small paint set up, delicately creating a watercolour piece of the image before her. It was quite incredible to walk past her and physically feel the different bubble of energy she existed in. Amidst all the bustling around, there was this stillness around her, and as I walked past I felt the edges of it touch me, and remind me to cultivate that kind of slowness, to be immersed and absorbed in something, even whilst everything around is moving fast.

I'm off to make gnocchi, and avoid conversation with one of the other guests here who I sense would talk your ear off if he got a chance to.Leer más